Maulvi and me

The episode of the earthquake has indeed been a very grim experience. I think we all should learn our lessons and therefore to teach us I decided to interview our leading scholar Maulvi I-Want-It-My-Way. I was really privileged to talk to him and was able to get a lot of insights about this earthquake and about many other topics.

Me: First of all I will like you to shed some light on this terrible earthquake.

Maulvi: First of all I want to make it clear that this is a punishment of God and a warning to all of us to mend our ways. God has punished us in the form of earthquakes and floods ever since our creation. We must remember that the end is near and these are signs to warn us of God’s wrath.

Me: Very enlightening indeed. But just out of curiosity I want to ask who exactly is being punished at Mars and who was being punished before our creation?

Maulvi (with a hard-to-digest stare): We do not know what God wants……

Me: But you just told me that God wanted to punish us and warn us!

The stare making me melt right there on the sofa. I decided to give in

Me: ok. I understand it completely. You said in an address sometime ago that keeping a beard is one of the most important principles of Islam. But it is a sunnat and that also, most probably because everybody used to keep a beard in those times. So, is it really an important principle of Islam?

Maulvi: Yes it is.

I waited for more but apparently there was to be nothing in my fate but waiting.

Me: You also said that the place of a woman is in her house and she should avoid leaving it as much as she can. She should be accompanied by a mahrem when she goes out and she should even avoid going to the mosque because it can cause problems.

Maulvi: Yes, it is better for a woman to reside in the safety of her home and pray there.

Me: But women used to pray in the same mosques as men in the same room, although their rows were segregated in the time of Holy Prophet (P.B.U.H) and the Quran does not specify anything about being accompanied by a mahrem. Also, it is very impractical.

Maulvi: The commandments of God are to be followed above everything else.

The answer accurately followed by the same stare which clearly conveyed the message and as I didn’t really want a painful death as a result of a blasphemy case I proceeded on.

Me: Another very controversial issue and an issue always nagging us is that of usury. So, is the functioning of banks unIslamic?

Maulvi: Of course it is! It runs on the principles of usury.

Me: But how are we to believe that when different scholars are still at loggerheads about the matter. The Al-Azhar University in Egypt, one of the biggest Muslim universities, claims that interest in bank is legal in Islam?

Maulvi: I have already given my answer.

You are saying it like it really is going to change the world. Time doesn’t wait. Do you even have and idea how the “Islamic Republic” of Pakistan would crumble without a banking system!

Me: You always talk a lot about retrieving the Caliphate. Why is it so necessary?

Maulvi: It is the political system that binds us together and keeps the Muslims from disintegrating. It is absolutely essential. It was the system set up by the successors of the Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) and saw the Muslims conquering a large part of the world.

Me: But it is not a religious obligation. Neither the Quran nor the Prophet ever command us to set up such a system. Plus, don’t you think the dream of the caliphate is more like the dream of Muslim domination which the setting up of the caliphate alone cannot accomplish?

Maulvi: I refuse to agree! Anything else.

Me: Thank you for that very profound comment.

I simply stopped caring about the formidable stare. If this was to be this way than I was ready. I just could not take the man anymore. Where did he think he was living? I was sure if I had asked him the year he would have innocently replied, “1 A.D.”

Me: What do you consider the Muslim world?

Maulvi: That is very simple. The people who have accepted Islam jointly form the Muslim world.

Me: But Islam is a message. Anybody can embrace it. Is it not improper to limit it to a select few? Take the example of the Turks. The same people who once annihilated Baghdad were to be heirs to the caliphate. Then is it not possible that in the future Europe was Muslim and the Middle East non-Muslim. And considering that is it not our responsibility to spread Islam rather than keep consolidating the current Muslims and as a consequence limit it to the same people.

Maulvi (perplexed and confused.): You sound very reasonable.

Me: How important is the clergy to Islam?

Maulvi: Very. It constitutes the people who have a deep knowledge of Islam and who are committed to spreading and popularizing it.

Me: But of course knowledge is a relative term. It is not anybody’s possession. Like e.g. intelligence cannot be obtained but knowledge can be. Anybody can obtain as much knowledge as the clergy and it is unreasonable to say that the whole clergy is plainly more intelligent than the rest of mankind. Then what does put clergy above the rest.

Maulvi: Their commitment…..

Me: And how committed are those clergymen who have been charged with cases of sexual abuse with their students.

Maulvi: No group is innocent or pure from sins.

Me: Precisely my point. Let me rephrase my question. How necessary is the clergy to Islam?

Maulvi: My answer is the same. Very!

Me: Even after considering that there was nothing as the clergy in the early years of Islam and the political leaders were also seen as the religious leaders. The Quran or the Prophet did not distinguish anyone as the clergy nor did the early caliphs. Islam takes pride in not setting up any institution like the Church which has the absolute authourity on religious matters. Why are you so intent on giving so much undeserved attention to the clergy?


Well I could not get the answer to that because at that very time our dear maulvi stood up from his seat in complete anger and stormed out of the room loudly pronouncing words like blasphemy and sacrilege. Probably the time has still not come for the truth. No problem! I can wait!