Espresso Junkies

Two people sitting at Espresso for a Sunday brunch, trying hard to appear more interesting than they are.

Designer junkie (DJ): “haan so tell me, what did you get up to last week. God this week’s been so busy for me you know coming home at ungodly hours, shitty bank really grinds us to the stone, its terrible”

Un-motivated party hopper (UP): “ya, I mean you’ve started to look really pale now and your halkas have come back. But come on what difference does it make to you, all the fun starts after your work hours anyway!”.

Uncomfortable silence.


DJ: “haan but who has the motivation to come home and change and then go to some random house in Defence for a GT.

Up: “haan its such a headache to decide what to wear, put the kids to sleep or sneak out while they are not looking and hope to god they don’t tear the house down”.

DJ: “well I don’t have that masla, thank god for being single yaar. And besides it’s the same old faces and the same old damn stories anyway. I’m going here this summer, I’m going there for shopping, I’m thinking of going to film-school, I’m designing jewellery now, how many times can you listen to the same BS with a straight face and nod as if you actually care!”

UP: “uffo but why are you getting so upset over it yaar, I mean would you rather hangout with people talking about their kids and their favourite books and some bloody seminar they attended on women’s rights in Thar, I mean come on , how boring”.

DJ: “waisay these seminars aren’t half-bad you know. Once I went to this thing at Sheraton by some women’s organization and they were talking about this karo-kari thing and it was really eye-opening”.

UP: “karo kari? what? is that like kamdani or kashmiri karhai or something? I know yaar its amazing these gaaon kee aurtain and the work they do, the shawls and carpets you know,

DJ: “nahee nahee……”

UP: “I’m telling you, they make it so cheap and so intricate, I know someone who has a small karkhana in interior sindh where they make all this stuff…perfect to give to our gora friends you know”

DJ: oh for God’s sake I’m talking about karo-kari, not some bloody embroidery pattern. KARO KARI, that’s the honour killing problem that everyone’s ranting and raving about, all the way till the New York Times”.

UP: “haan that reminds me of New York, you know that bakhtawar woman you know the one who was in the head lines, the gang-walee, she was apparently flown to New York by some NGO and they gave her an award or something. I mean like wow yaar, I cant afford to go this summer because I blew all my money in India and look at these people fully funded flown first class to New York, what’s she going to do there?”

DJ: “It’s Mukhatarn, not bakhtawar. Yaar the poor woman went through hell apparently and its good if they get some international backing and all, I guess she’ll make some money out of it too, otherwise she would have just rotted in that village of hers, become a worker in your friends carpet factory or your mother-in-laws maid”.

UP dons a look of alarm and a low pitch tone of complete irritability.

UP: “haan us say yaad aya, can you imagine my mother-in-law was saying I shouldn’t keep two separate maids, she said one’s enough for the house and the kids, I mean what is she on about yaar. How am I supposed to manage the kids when the maids busy doing housework or whose going to take out lunch when she’s with the kids.


DJ: “true true, tumharay ghar mein kaam to bohat hai….house work, children’s work….and nodys home all day….

UP: haan exactly and bus I told her kay sorry Ammi, both of them have their hands full and I can’t manage doing without either. But look at her nerve nah, telling me this”.

DJ: “yaar maybe she has an issue with your spending. your saas is pretty sharp isn’t she, remember how she knew about your husband’s cousin’s ex wife’s infidelity? she must see all the indian jewellery, designer lawn, limited edition bags and all. She probably things you could do with less spending….”

UP: “what are you being so smug about madam,‘I cant live without designer bags, shoes or makeup, which are ordered online and then you ask cousins and friends or friends cousins or cousins friends to courier them or send them with their brother in laws friends wife who happens to be coming in”.

DJ: “whatever yaar, I have sensitive skin and I cant trust the products here, must be number do maal, just because they put a big price tag on it and sell it in a fancy air-conditioned malls doesn’t make it genuine.


UP:” haan you have a point yaar”

DJ: “im sure kay sab jalee hai, pata nahee kab ka expire hota hai, kahan say ata hai, I want my Chanel shimmer and Christian Dior mascara to come straight from the Selfridges counter”.

shuffles around in her bag to pull out her Lancome juicy tube and profusely reapplies her smudged lip gloss.

UP: “so your one to lecture me on expenses. We do what is necessary nah. I mean come on, if I was really fazool kharch I’d be wasting money on things I don’t need. I have only like three or four bags that I haven’t used yet, but you know to be honest nobody can blame me for it.

DJ: “acha, why is that?”

UP: “you know the shape is now last season so I seriously can’t be expected to use them now, but last year nah with the earth-quake and all not much was happening over the winter so all my winter tops and bags are just saro-faing in the cupboard, I don’t know what to do with them, maybe I should give them to my husbands niece or something, you know that teenager I was telling you about who gets on ball guests lists before we do, I’m sure she’d die for them”.

DJ: “haan I suppose but wouldn’t it be just too much to give her that gorgeous Gucci top, it was so bling bling, the one you were going to wear to the SOB

UP: “haan waisay that was divine nah, low neck and all but seriously it was just too much”

DJ: “ I think they’ll be a bit much for her. Hold on to them, I mean you could wear them later this year nah to the Sind club or the OGS, everyone wears their star outfits to the other ones anyway.

UP: “haan your right, its not so bad, I could probably use last year’s coach bag this summer even, everyone’s bloody melting in this heat, they won’t even notice !”.

DJ: “haan waisay kamal kee garmee par rahee hai, I’m thinking we should go to that new spa where they do that Moroccan salt treatment. I heard she brought it in specially and because there have been no takers so far she’s even reduced the price t, it’s the best time to go”.

UP:” haan lets, my skin and my pores have gone through enough hell they need some spoiling and I can be all refreshed for Hong Kong”.

DJ: “I thought you said you couldn’t go this summer?”

UP: “no yaar, we aren’t going to the states but I’ll go nuts if we have to spend the entire summer with the kids and the damn maids here in Karachi.

DJ laughs and checks herself and UP continues ranting.

UP: “There’s nothing to do nah, nowhere to go so at least there they’ll have that Disney world thing and my husband wants to buy some electronic stuff for his ipod thing, I don’t know he’s always wasting money on all that stuff. Waisay I don’t think I really need to get anything, but I’ll see if they have those gorgeous summer sandals we saw in Glamour, remember?”

DJ: “haan, those were gorgeous, I even saw that chick from Desperate Housewives wearing them on FTV”.

UP: “haan that Terri woman, she’s so gorgeous yaar, maybe a bit too thin, but I’d die for a figure like that”.

DJ: “haan haan but listen, if you find them, I’ll give you some dollars you can bring some for me also. I can’t go anywhere till October, really tight work schedule you know, they might send me to Dubai in august, but that’s about it.

UP: “Uff Dubai’s just become too boring now, everyone goes there, all the time. We should plan a trip to somewhere exciting nah, like Sri Lanka, I hear the shoppings amazing”

DJ: “haan haan we’ll do that. But I’m telling you just make sure you look at the latest collection because they get all the new stuff in Hong Kong. That way at least I’ll be the only one flaunting the flora print Gucci sandals for five minutes before every Dubai-hopping number do maal buying socialite has them. I mean seriously, some people have no scruples….

Both friends sigh, roll their eyes, finish off their Dunhill lights and avocado cheese melts, slide on their hideously oversized sunglasses, exchange air kisses and head off to their respective Honda citi’s.



Dislaimer:
The writer apologises to those who choose to take offence. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is intentional and not coincidental.