How Not to get Irritated with Hindi

Living in Mumbai, one constantly asks oneself, “hey, what is wrong with Hindi nowadays?” Let me go back to fifty years ago. I knew that Hindi was going to form a unifying blanket over India. As I finished matriculation in Chennai (then Madras) and entered college, I opted for Hindi as the second language, not even for my mother tongue Tamil or the then fashionable French. I composed fine things such as “Bharat ke itihaas ke panney palatne se hamein prateet hota hai ki....” etc etc. (This is only to impress you and hence no translation is given here). I knew my future could be anywhere in India.

Madras then was running amuck with educated Brahmin “Mamis” vigorously taking courses in pristine Hindi for some unknown pleasure and/or unfathomable atonement. The Hindi Prachar Sabha was very active in Madras in those years. At the same time, however, the Dravida movement was gaining momentum. Hindi was regarded as a North Indian imposition and as Tamil gained ascendancy even English began to get a good drubbing.

The growing linguistic chauvinism made no dent into the cultural area. Hindi movies became a rage. My mother was immensely fascinated by “Dr.Kotnis ki amar kahani”. Films like “Anmol Ghadi”, “Aan”, “Awara”, “Paying Guest” etc. became very popular. Hindi film songs of Lata, Mukesh and Rafi in 78 RPM discs were to be found in several homes in Mylapore, Triplicane and Adyar.

Now, after fifty years, practically the whole of Hindustan has come under the shadow of spoken Hindi if not written Hindi in the divine script (devanagari). Hindi has conquered India despite the Hindi zealots. And despite Language commissions and Parliamentary committees. And thanks mainly to the six hundred and odd Hindi movies of generally unspeakable quality that emanate from Bollywood every year. And thanks to the TV, the CDs, DVDs etc.

The Hindi heartland consisting of the BIMARU States of Bihar, Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan and Uttar Pradesh (and now you could add Uttaranchal, Chattisgarh and Jharkhand too) have roughly two thousand dialects only and that does not bother me since I do not have to visit those areas. Even if you take the main dialects, I wonder if those guys understand each other – the Bundeli, Maithili, Avadhi,Angika, Kanauji, Bagheli, Lahariya, Bangaru, Ghera Gowli etc. Even as I lived in Madras for twenty years I could only half-understand the street Tamil spoken by the majority. So for me the khadiboli dialect of Hindi coming close to the official Hindi is good enough. Of course I miss out on the sage pronouncements of the heartland speakers like Lalu Prasad Yadav, Mulayam and others whenever they come on the TV screen. That does not matter to me, but I may have to strain a bit if any of these guys, God forbid, becomes a Prime Minister. I would however put Uma Bharati on a high pedestal – her flawless flow is a virtual deluge drawing you into a vortex of stupefied admiration.

Now the Mumbaiyya Hindi has become an intolerable torment for me, and being assaulted by it every day I find my self-respect fast vanishing. When Hindi grammar has allowed for fine distinctions in verb forms unlike in English, it is lamentable that verbs of respectful address have practically vanished. As a senior citizen I wait to be addressed “udhar poochiye”, “idhar aayiye”, “vahaan jaayiye” etc. but on the other hand every Tom, Dick and Harry in Mumbai (which includes clerks, vendors, washermen, carpenters, postmen etc) flings at me imperatives such as “udhar poocho”, “idhar aav”, “vahaan javo” etc. When tiny tots come to my house and take leave of me, they simply say “chalo” and vanish! What have we come to!

I do not mind being subject to the Bollywood-generated lingo such as “paani bharela hai”, “ aadmi khadela hai”, “kutta padela hai” etc. However being a senior citizen, it simply hurts when you are told “jao”, “poocho”, “pakdo” etc by much younger mortals in mindless Mumbaiyya Hindi which makes me inferior to them in strict grammatical sense. I try my best not to be irritated and would wait for Hindi zealots and Parliamentary committees to get this spoken Hindi properly rectified. Yet another suggestion is that the office bosses in Mumbai give special training cum incentive to their staff to address people in respectful Lucknowi Hindi that treats even a child like an adult (e.g. “betey, aap andhar jaake padhaayee keejiye”).