A Silent World

What is this haze? Why won’t the ground stop shaking? Why is everything so red? My eyes hurt. My skin is abraded. My heart…it is in the grip of a vice. Maybe it will stop beating all of a sudden as well. Just as all this happened. Without warning. One moment I was standing on the bus stop, the next…

Completely disoriented, I walk on. There is blood on the demolished walls, on the paved roads, on my clothes and even in my mouth. As I silently trudge among chaos, death stares at me through the vacant eyes of the lifeless. I try not to recognise anyone for fear that my tenuous hold on sanity might slip. So I stare straight ahead and move on in no particular direction.

My foot hits something. Frozen, I take a long time before looking down. A blood-smeared toy. Can I get a bear this time? I’ve been good all year.

Of course. We’ll go in the evening. Father’s voice fills my ears. I suddenly realize that today is my brother’s birthday. Why didn’t I remember this before…or did I? What did I promise him? I search my mind. Absolutely no recollection. Has death blotted out everything? I never bend to pick up the child’s toy. What if he or she comes looking for it?

A deafening silence fills my ears. Why is it so quiet? Didn’t I hear an explosion some time ago? Or was it in another lifetime? No, no, it must be here and now. Why is it so silent then? I huddle under my sweater against the wind. It carries the smell of blood.

Don’t forget your coat. Why do u fret so... Aren’t Mother and Father a beautiful couple? I touch the locket around my neck. My only link to them. Don’t forget your coat.... My daughter is beautiful.... What if I never see them again?

Do I see a familiar house? How and when did I get here? Did my feet know where to take me? I was only moving aimlessly. I force myself to cover the few steps separating me from that beloved home. But… something is wrong. Why is it ruined? I’ll buy the wallpaper with roses Her beauty is like a rose When it blooms.... Nothing blooms in fear.

Dare I enter? Yes. No. I’m afraid. Fear only God. We are all His people. He’ll take care of us. Why isn’t He taking my hand? Dear God… Maybe what I dread awaits me. Fear only God.... Tentatively, I step over the threshold. The ceiling has almost caved in and the walls are near collapse. There is caked blood on the floor. Look how polished it is.... Instead of feeling secure, I feel lost. Afraid. I don’t go beyond this one room. The rest of my home must look the same. Years of work and care wiped by a single explosion. Why mourn for brick structures when the life within exists no more? I leave as I entered. In a trance.

Overwhelming grief takes the form of tears. My eyes are dry. Is that why my eyes hurt? Or is this glaring red hurting my eyes? Do I feel nothing? Teacher’s voice comes from a distance: Life without thought and emotion is no life at all. I suppose, I must be dead then. Coherent thought has abandoned me and emptiness fills my heart.

Why do I move then? I’ll sit and wait. They should look for me. I am a part of them. Our family.... this house.... But what if they are waiting for me somewhere? Mother would be frantic. Don’t forget your coat... Where do I look? What do I do? Keep looking… Should I take a specific road? The Explosion has left uncertainty with those it did not wipe out.

There are bodies strewn as far as the eye can see. Are they amongst these dispersed corpses? No! I quell all such thoughts. To be certain, I now start looking carefully. Death still stares back at me but I must look for them. So I continue.

Do I hear something? Maybe the silence will lift; the haze will clear. Is it voices? A sign of life. In the same trance, I move towards the voices. They become clearer and… rougher. Whoever it is can help me find them. I feel my feet move faster. Turning the corner, I suddenly stop. They turn at my sharp intake of breath. Strangers. Brutality seems to be a part of them. Cruel eyes look at me, assessing. Turning to each other they say something. It is not my language. How will I explain to them it is important that I find them? My family. They must be worried by now. It is so late…

Did my shirt just tear down the middle? How… The harsh face is inches from mine. My hair comes undone as someone pushes me. The scream gets stuck in my throat as I am pushed to the blood-stained ground this time. Is it possible to utter anything, anything at all, if I haven’t since The Explosion? No. It would only ruin the silence.

Pain. I feel it as it sears my body. Now maybe the tears will come. Yes, I can feel my eyes getting wet. I am alive after all.

Her beauty is like a rose. When it blooms....
Don’t you know, Father, roses wilt?

Death lingered on even as the sun set. Day or night did not matter to her as she sought her victims blindly. The setting sun’s light passed over the ravaged body of a young girl. Without looking down, it moved on.