From Immy to Irony

Hello listeners, I am Anushave, and this is Radio E coming live to you from an undisclosed location. With me is Dimoo! Say hello to the listeners, dud!

Hello, listeners! Anushave, what does the E in Radio E stand for?

It stands for Emergency.

Oh, I thought the E stood for Ecstasy.

Ecstasy the drug?

Yes.

Whack! (Slaps Dimoo). Sut up, Dimoo. Okay, listeners, we have a very special show for you tonight and it's called From Immy to Irony.

Duh. What's irony, Anushave.

Errr … I have absolutely no idea.

Lag gai na emergency!

Whack! Shut up, Dimoo! We are popular because of our cuteness, not intelligence. Anyway, we will first be talking to Ms. Fashionista Democrata of Instapo, a big supporter of Jimran's glorious students revolution. Hi, FD. Instapo sounds a lot like Gestapo!

Yes dahling, it does, because we are the fashion police.

You guys have been rolling out great catwalks of protest these days on your pages.

Yea, viva la revolution … and Paria B.

Paria B the designer?

Yea, she's designing the clothes for the protesters. Che T-Shirts, Guess jeans, Nike shoes and rimmed glasses for that passionate intellectual lawyer student radical look. We will fight against the Emergency and topple Musharraf and bring Democracy and make Lax the national soap. We'll have the first designer revolution in the history of Pakistan!

Khool! I'm so excited. It's like a party. Can I come?

Sure dahling, we're protesting at the LUMPS campus tomorrow. Bring your own coffee, though.

Wowie! Will Jimran Khan be there too?

Of course, dahling. He reminds us of that famous hero of the French Revolution.

Who?

Louis Vuitton.

Duh, Anushave. Isn't Louis Vuitton a French designer?

Whack! Shut up, Dimoo. Told you not to be intelligent. Be cute!

Duh, okay.

Thanks, FD.

Okay, dahling, see you at the GT, I mean, protest rally. Bye.

Bye. Okay, listeners, now let's go over to our correspondent Aminah Luck who is with Jimran at the Punjabi University. Yes, Aminah.

No, Anushave.

Okay, Aminah.

Thank you, Anushave.

Duh, but she didn't say anything.

Whack! Shut up, Dimoo! That's ALL she can say, stupid!

Duh, okay.

So, listeners … we have a call. Hello?

Hello.

Yes, who's this?

Khan. Jimran Khan.

Okay, so where are you speaking from, Jimran?

What do you mean? I am the great Jimran Khan! You are doing a show on me!

Oh, my God! I forgot.

Lag gai na emergency!

Whack! Shut up, Dimoo. So, Jimran, are you still at an undisclosed location at the Punjabi University?

Yes, Anushave, and I am working on my speech which I will give to the millions of students gathered there.

What will you say, Jimran?

It's a speech thanking the members of the Islami-Jamiat-e-Lullaby, the IJL, for organizing such a wonderful rally for me and supporting me in my cause against Ecstasy … I mean, Emergency.

That's wonderful, Jimran. You've always been so close to IJL and they respect you so much, and you love them so much, and you also believe in their idea of having a jirga system, and hating America, and hating BB, and hating Ma'am Kyoon Man, and supporting Islami nizaam, and …

Duh, Anushay?

WHAT?

I have a cousin at LUMPS, and he loves Jimran too, but he says Jimran stands for progressive democracy, modern education, women's rights …

Whack! Shut up, Dimoo! Err … sorry about that Jimran. So, are there any LUMPS students there with you?

Of course, Anushave. My struggle is for a progressive democratic Islami jirga system with full women's rights anti-American modern education revolution emancipation free media liberal judicial tribal area heroism hijab and teetar ka shikaar!

Err… you kind of lost me there, Jimran.

You children of Musharraf 's enlightened moderation, you will not understand. Come here and join my IJL comrades and … (Whack!)

What was that, Jimran?

(Whack! Whack! Punch! Kick!)

Jimran, what's happening? Oh my God, it seems Jimran is being beaten up by the IJL members! Oh, no! (Whack! Whack! Punch! Kick! Starts beating up Dimoo).

Why the hell are you beating ME?? I am your partner and friend!

That's exactly why!

But I am a liberal!

Shut up! (Whack! Whack! Punch! Kick!)

Islami nizaam!

Shut up! (Whack! Whack! Punch! Kick!)

Jirga system!

Shut up! (Whack! Whack! Punch! Kick!)

Democracy!

Shut up! (Whack! Whack! Punch! Kick!)

Irony!

(Suddenly stops beating him). Oh, so that's what it means? Told you not to be intelligent. Be cute!

Duh, okay.

Okay, listeners, that's that then. I hope you liked our show. But before we go, we will leave you with a revolutionary gazal written by Faiz Ahmed Faiz and sung by Benazir Bhutto …

Hum daikhay hain, laazim hain kay hum daikay hain, hum daikhay hain …