The Health and Medicinal Benefits of

Talk Show is a vegetable/meat hybrid that is becoming popular among health food fanatics. The medicinal benefits of Talk Show have been known since ancient times. The Neanderthals and stone-age Cro-Magnons are known to have used it to treat everything from general boredom to verbal indigestion.

In her book, Talk Show: The Natural Secret for a Full Fat Moustache, Dr. Shahida Masooda (LLB; MBBS; PTV) states that Talk Show has been used as a medicine in China, Greece and Gujranwala for at least 4,000 years.

Today, scientific research in Pakistan is providing hard evidence for the health benefits long associated with Talk Show. For example, in 2007 the Journal of the National Institute of Manic-Depression published the results of an epidemiological study indicating that Talk Show reduced the risk of sensibility in men and women by nearly sixty percent.

Researchers at the University of Mandi Bhauddin in Switzerland recently concluded that Talk Show inhibits and impedes the growth of brain cells, thus greatly reducing the chances of deadly diseases such as Decency and Common Sense. They warn that these two medical conditions may make you start looking and sounding like a dull, navel-gazing intellectual instead of mardana taqat ka shahkaar, Hakeem Hamid Pir of Peo TB Clinic.

Talk Show is also reputed to be helpful in regulating the levels of good cholesterol (HDL (N)) and bad cholesterol (LDL (Q)).

The health secret of Talk Show lies in the fact that it is rich in Vitamin (N). Vitamin (N) is a powerful anti-oxidant and pro-foxidant. That's why, while inhibiting the growth of brain cells, Talk Show kills these cells without harming healthy hair. In fact thanks to Vitamin (N), it enables hair to suddenly appear on the most barren of tinds.


Talk Show has also been effective in triggering Chaos-osis (i.e. the healthy formation of black-coated clots on hairy male chests of people doing the bhangra for no apparent reason outside bar councils). This takes on an added importance when you consider that Chaos-osis eventually produces Protest-osis that genetically counter Cop-osis (i.e. the formation of abnormal khaki-coated clots on even hairier chests of people swinging batons for no apparent reason on The Mall). These khaki-coated clots are the leading cause of headaches, bruises and bad hair days.

New evidence is emerging that Talk Show can even help dieters. The Punjab Journal of Nutrition & Schizophrenia published the results of a study at Lahore's prestigious National University of Managerial & Botanical Sciences (NUMBS), in which researchers suggest that patients who were given a combined extract of caffeinated rhetoric with Talk Show burned more brain cells and calories than those who were given a mild diet amphetamine called Rational-tea.

The study said that Rational-tea led to an unhealthy medical condition called the Zardari-vascular disease which is a compulsive-obsessive disorder in which males constantly twist their mustaches and keep saying khapay, khapay, khapay.

However, there are many clinics in the Democratic Peoples Republic of Dubai that use Talk Show as the main ingredient in their medicines. These are a good remedy for treating diseases brought on by the consumption of Rational-tea. Some of the leading clinics in this respect are Hakeem Hamid Pir's Peo TB Clinic, Ghalat Hussain's Raj TB Clinic, Homeopath Mushtaq Muna & Fursat Javed's Ulta Pakistan Clinic, ARWhy Clinic, Express Fuse Clinic and TB-1 Clinic.

The Peo TB Clinic and TB-1 Clinic also offer Talk Show-laced remedies made by famous witch doctors and voodoo practitioners such as Dr. Zlim Online and Papa Zion Hamid Dengue. Papa Zion Hamid Dengue is said to have received voodoo hikmat after suffering a bout of dengue fever from contaminated Dollar Bills made by malicious Zionists who have nothing better to do but to constantly plan the downfall of Islam and Pakistan. After touching the contaminated Dollar notes, Papa Wamid started speaking in tongues about economic terrorism, an imagined disease befalling assorted psychosomatics and hypochondriacs.

The effects of Talk Show also lead to a healthy and energetic condition called Drawing-Room-Picketing. This is a robust state of mind and body that can be enjoyed in long drawing-rooms connecting the Sharif Republic of Raiwind to the city of Islama-Lal-Masjidabad, Pakistan's new capital after Islamabad was destroyed in the 2005 earthquake due to the wrath of God brought upon by sin and debauchery in Kashmir, Karachi and Toba Tek Singh.

What's more, two small bacterial compounds in Talk Show, Imranium and Qazimum, can help slow down ageing and lead to an accelerated growth of facial hair and better prostrate performance. These two compounds can also kill the harmful bacteria that cause lethargic medical illnesses like patience, wisdom and logic.

Approximately two thirds of the fat in Talk Show is saturated. These fats play a number of key roles in our bodies, providing protective padding for delicate organs (particularly the Lahori stomach, Kashmiri cheeks and revolutionary rumps). These fats also serve as a vehicle for getting rid of adulterated fat-soluble vitamins like Vitamin (Q).

Talk Show also contains naturally-produced laxatives called Analysis. They guarantee long, rapid-flowing convolutions as opposed to constitutional constipation usually brought upon by khaki-coated clots and assorted Zardarivascular ailments .

Chemicals like Sherry-phosphate in Talk Show break down the green, black and red tricolored-glycerides making judicial glands bitter but more digestible. Other enzymes in Talk Show like Geozymes and Express-oxides help protect you from unwanted bacterial infections such as Objectivity and Sanity. Talk Show also contain tiny particles of Dawnnoose, but to date no scientist has ever managed to determine exactly what this chemical is about and what is its use. However, Dukhtar-e-South-Hall Dr. Madman Mayma Mohsin is a staunch advocate of the use of Dawnnoose believing that it enhances a healthy medical condition called ABCD that give people a pleasantly twisted British accent.