In Defence of Desi Pun

Some consider it an epithet. Others a compliment. For the majority, this two
syllable appellation in one word captures the very essence of our being. Yet,
what does it mean? What does it mean to be a desi.



Years ago, my husband's sister gave him a T-shirt, emblazoned across the
chest of which, in bold lettering were the words DESI DUDE. It was an instant
hit - and got some great laughs from Indians and Pakistanis alike. It was
obvious that as an individual, a desi transcends religio-political boundaries.
Yet, in multiracial cricket games, my husband, not a man known for his
laconic inclinations, had the toughest time explaining to non-subcontinentals
what the fuss was all about. After all, is a desi merely a native of our part
of the world? Does being desi have to do with our brown skin, our weird
accent - or is it an attitude, a set of characteristics, a way of living and
thinking?



It is tempting to indulge in a Lettermanesque Top Ten Ways of Telling if
Someone is a Desi. After all, Letterman seems familiar with the concept of
desi pun and Mujibur and Sirajur featured prominently in his show for a couple
of seasons - and certainly got many laughs. Perhaps one of my readers will
oblige with a Top 10 List. Seinfeld too, has had some desi episodes - the
Pakistani, Baboo, with his visa problems, and the wedding in India which even
the Indian groom's parents refused to go back to India for.



One of the defining qualities of desi pun is desi time. Our concept of time
and punctuality are so nebulous that Urdu does not even bother to distinguish
between yesterday and tomorrow. Who cares - just show up whenever. Another
is our love for chaos. This always comes home to me at the PIA counter in New
York. If you are homesick, just show up over there for a real heart-warming
experience.



Even though they occasionally bad-mouth it themselves, desis are great
defenders of the homeland. Any one who doubts this assertion should just try
to get one of their gora friends to criticize any aspect of desi life or
culture and all hell will break lose. If this happens to be in a public
forum, well then, the criticizer should forget about leading a serene life for
a long time - he/she has developed enemies for life.



You know you are in a desi environment if you end up trampling over several
kids with nary a parent in sight. The adults to children ratio is invariably
inverted at our gatherings - with the kids running wild. My daughter picked
up on this very early on. Returning from a noisy, kid-filled party of mostly
Pakistanis, at the ripe old age of 3, she proclaimed "I love Urdu parties!"
Another enjoyable activity at desi gatherings is our penchant for eating like
there is no tomorrow. A physician friend eloquently described this quality as
eating like activated macrophages (for non-MDs, a macrophage is a professional
phagocyte within our bodies - these are cells that are in the business of
engulfing anything and everything they might come in contact with that is
edible, bacteria, debris and the like).



Desis are also extremely enamored of freebies. Ever seen a desi at a medical
exhibition? He/she (usually a he) is the one who can barely walk, so
over-loaded he is with all the stuff. Not even he knows what he is going to
do with 5 umbrellas, 10 calendars, and 12 mugs that say Conquer Genital
Herpes, use Zovirax!



We desis have brilliant minds. We have perfected the science and art of
beating the system - whether it is an ingenious way to make free phone calls
to our desi homelands, or telling the usherer in a movie theater that we have
to take our special popcorn bought from outside into the theater because we
only eat kosher popcorn, - one can count on our fellow desis to show us the
way.



No self-respecting desi would call himself/herself a desi if he/she weren't
just a little bit curious about the inner workings of other desis' lives.
This is because desis happen to be the kindest, most generous people around.
They love helping other desis in trouble whether it be by offering their
ever-ready advice, or by devising yet another strategy to overcome the system.
Desis are also such perfect hosts. It is almost impossible to leave a desi's
house, even if you came unannounced, without being fed an excellent meal, and
if you happen to be single, food to take home for later. Just the other day in
Manhattan, our Pakistani cab-driver wouldn't charge us any fare. And
amazingly, this wasn't at the end of a long interrogation of our entire
shajra-e-nasab. In fact we hadn't exchanged a single word! What indeed would
make him do this?



More than any other group, desis are aficionados of conspiracy theories - so
there is the theory of the West's secret plan of making Karachi the new Hong
Kong, the theory that the CIA or India is behind any unrest in Pakistan (the
most recent one that the CIA got the Union Texas guys killed because they had
embezzled big time and were about to disappear with the money), the theory
that Diana was pregnant and had become a Muslim, the theory that the Jewish
lobby controls the world, and so on. The Indians believe that the US beef
lobby is out to control the entire world (there might be some truth to this;
witness the case against Oprah!).



What about the most serious charge of all against desis - that desis are out
to get one another, hinder a fellow desis progress - that desis try hard not
to let another desi rise above the fray? Is this real, or imagined? I feel
this is true at some level, but I doubt that this seemingly internecine
behavior is exclusively the purview of desis - any community which has grown
up believing that the pie is fixed behaves in similar ways. This is all part
of our striving to better ourselves - which we were brought up to believe can
only happen at the expense of others. So even when this equation no longer
holds, the dog-eat-dog culture persists until a few generations have
experienced an unlimited supply of pie.



Can one talk about desis and not talk about our friends, the ABCDs? These
individuals that appear to be straddling the fence between us true desis and
the goras; the people we think of as a palimpsest painting - take off the
veneer of gora pun and they are all desi underneath - that's what we'd like to
think - that they are no better than us. They too are desi, albeit more
confused than we are. And we hope that somehow, this confusion won't afflict
our offspring. By some miracle and helped along by our intense devotion to
this cause, our children will turn out to be perfect specimens of genuine
desis. For make no mistake about this, even though we malign it - desipun is
very precious to most of us.