Frankly Speaking

First of all you have to understand something. When Desi guys come to America Un Ko Koi moo nahee laga ta. All the Goree babes frankly don’t give a shit about them. We Desi guys also tend to have an ugly physique and we like to eat too many things.

This is because there is a Hawka. If you come from a middle class back ground and you can eat Mac Donald’s every day, then probably you will go for it.

So along with the double chin, credit card problems and daily masturbation, a love for all things Desi is born. Because the Desi guy is thinking:

’Karachi mai kuch tu izzat thee meri’

A false nostalgia is born. Forgotten are the days when we stood in line for the visa outside the consulate. We remember Karachi as if it was some wonderful Desi Disney Land, full of friends and caring family members and even Mickey Mouse. I like to remember my days in Karachi with some back ground music, as I drink Rooh Afza. This makes me feel deep and I am able to escape in to memory land.

All the pretty girls that I knew just barely, I like to convince myself that there was ’Something there’. This makes me feel like an exotic immigrant playboy, who is having adjustment problems in a foreign culture.


Reality is I flunked O-Levels, did well in the Toefal and did the river dance in front of the Visa official to come to USA. But deep in my mind I am the dashing idealist who will return to Karachi one day, to bring joy and happiness to poor farmers and grateful beautiful women. I am Imran Khan without the playboy past, athletic achievements, the height, and cancer hospital. In short I dont realy have a plan. But my fantasy revolves around thousands of people chanting my name as I say something great.

You see this is the Anglicized Pakistani fantasy. He thinks because he has been "polished" by the west, he can ’fix’ those locals in no time. He has seen the Promised Land (Ohio). And now he can deliver the goods for his ’nation’. At some level, the westernized Desi sees himself as a no nonsense born again idealist who has seen the ’big picture’.

Now here comes the good part. Every one in Pakistan thinks I am this cool flirt dating blondes. And I want to maintain that image. So I have been doctoring some pictures before I send them to people in Karachi. Its amazing how many girl friends you can have in a picture if you know how to work Photo Shop.

All the letters I get from friends in Karachi say:

"Tu To Ab Goree Bachiyaan Phansta Hoga"

Yes they think I am Archie Andrews in Riverdale having selection problems between Betty & Veronica.

But Riverdale does not exist.