Jealous

Call me a jealous guy? I admit it. Call me a psychzophrenic, I admit that too. Give me names, bad ones too, I don’t care. Because I know I am everything that u think I am. No sense of guilt, no curtains to hide behind; it’s all right, you might have already known the person I am. No trust? No. None at all. I’m wise enough to discard that crap. No kindness or compassion? None. No love? Now that isn’t fair. That is untrue. If love ever existed, in my heart doth it reside.

Mail? No it ain’t. A scream from a heart that hallucinates when it’s lonely. That’s what it is. It’s so bad that u aren’t here when I need you the most. A glow in the darkness and my brain fumes with rage. A flicker of memory and my heart smiles. Yet, it beats with just one vain purpose. To tear apart my chest and run away to you. It’s all a haywire. Systems conflict within my body. And it’s only the music of your voice that soothes them and keeps them working as a unit.

I want to take their eyes out just for looking at you. I want to take their hands off just for touching you. I want to rip their hearts out just for wanting you. I want to break their minds down, Yes I do. And I want to make them regret life since the day they knew you. I can’t bear it that people should lust for you. Don’t protest. I know people’s minds, unfathomable that they think. Don’t beleive me? Their dark secrets are my prisoners. Prisoners of war, where at stake is love.

Trust me when i say, it will hurt me even more to hurt you. But I’ll gladly take the pain if need arises. Playing with one’s heart is a dangrous game, it is. You never know when you lose. And u never win. This is the rule of the game and u have to play according to the rules. Else, the price is too heavy to pay. All I ever really wanted was to be like you. So perfect. So worthless- If i could take it all back think again, I would.

I love you. And I know you love me.

WHen love is larger than life, you have to hollow out your heart and throw away everything else to make room for it. That is what I have done and what I want you to do. Sacrifices have to be made, and I know I always ask for too big sacrifices. Isn’t it worth it? It’s for you to decide.

Tyrants are always rigid.

Remember, I used to tell you I always wanted to be a tyrant? No, the aim is not gone. Only the radius has decreased. It has decreased to my proximity and everyone within it. And I tell you, you are the closest thing to the center of this circle. You will have to take the burns. You have taken too. That is what makes you so special to me. Burn thyself. So that you can light up something else. And when the room is a heaven, don’t you think it is worth it? When the light is gone, the heaven will be a purgatory. Let not that happen. Burn. Burn as long as the night lasts. For, I tell you, and you must beleive me, the night is temporary. The daybreak is not far away.

That’s one disadvantage of being a human. So many lives associated with yours. So many strings attached. If you displace yourself, there will be many puppets who will get displaced too. And when strings break, well, that’s the end of the story.

I love you.

One more time, my love, I love you. I’m waiting for the day to come when I won’t miss you. I hate missing you more than I love loving you.

Don’t take it all in any bad sense. Like I told you, it was just a scream of a hallucinated heart. The hallucination is over. If u do not understand, don’t. It’s nothing important. What is important is that I love you and miss you very very much.

I’m tired.

Let me rest my brain here. Alas my heart never rests. I LOVE YOU.