The Unmaking Of Gujrat

Five crore people will be deciding the fate of a billion Indians. The Gujarat elections have been transformed from neanderthalic farce into nationalistic frenzy. It is no more about a state in India going to the polls. The smart moves are making it into not only a Godhra vs. Gujarat riots conflict, or a Hindu-Muslim one, but India vs. Pakistan (Mian Musharraf), Indian tolerance vs. Islamic militancy (Osama), Swadeshi vs. foreign influence (Sonia Gandhi). These factors have been around in Indian politics but never before have they been brought into play with such fervour during a state election. Parochialism is being touted as patriotism.

The true secularists have been silenced. The liberals are on their own trip, quite literally, spreading the word of peace in seminars overseas. And the moderates have been made to see the ‘light’ and are now wondering why their ancestors had to pay taxes to the Mughals.

The other side too is reacting. More head scarves, more skullcaps. And firecrackers on Eid. All because of Gujarat.

The key players in these elections and therefore of Indian polity seem like characters in a drama of the absurd. A prime minister who does chamchagiri of the chief minister, a deputy prime minister who talks of war with a neighbour at such a time, observers and facilitators who worm their way into the System…I had addressed them earlier and I wonder where they/we will go from here…

“There cannot be a Hindu terrorist. The day there are Hindu terrorists you would not see Pakistan on the world map.” – Narendra Modi

DEAR NARENDRA MODI:

Modibhai, simply they are making you look like dirty villain. They are not understanding you are only doing your dharma’s karma. Ravana had to burn Lanka with tail to save Rama. At heart you are good man with good tail. How I know about your heart and tail? I am also actually long time back from Gujarat. So, when you talked about Gujarati asmita (self-respect), I started crying for forgetting. Darwinbhai said my ancestors were monkeys. I am mad to believe that besharam man. Whole time he was talking about ovulation of the species.

Thank you for putting scent in my head or I would be misled. Then I saw Gujarat with new eyes. I said, how lovely my grandfather’s land looks, just like those camps in ‘Schindler’s List’. We are giving Hollywood run for money, haan. You are very creative man. And nobody knows you are kingmaker type.

Like that fellow who tells George Bush to go get Saddam, you make Advani-Vajpayee feel like heroes. But thank bhagwan, your father, mother and all family did not call you Dick. Tchahh, these Amreekis have no culture.

We have so much culture. 44 people died, 100 were injured but not one pillar of the Rs. 60 crore Swaminarayan Temple was harmed. We are knowing how to preserve our heritage. Gujaratis must export this technology (this is one thing the Yankees cannot patent, no?). I am giving you all this idea because I am now respecting you. You know how to keep purity of Gujarati language. In whole state nobody could immediately translate that Urdu chit in the terrorists’ pockets. (Why those chaps were carrying dry fruits and chocolates? What they think just because it is vegetarian State people don’t have other food?)

I am glad you are giving Pakistan back tat for tit. That Togadia is saying we must go to war. Why waste money? You are like that sensible. You only said, “If Musharraf points his dirty finger towards Gujarat, we will chop off not just his finger but his hand.” Good dialogue, but that Gill says he knew ISI was planning some dal mein kaala two months ago. He never told you what? I feel sad you have to go and do dirty work of chopping enemy’s hand. You practise properly in kitchen, ok?

You also gave that “Italian ki beti” solid thrashing. (You are doing Gujarat proud when you are talking about “Italian goggles”- you know Armanibhai and Guccibhai?) Correct question you asked if “gori chamdee” can do anything for “cow protection”. I wanted to ask same thing when I was in Rajkot and saw this ‘gaumata’ with a swollen backside full of clotted blood near the garbage. I wanted to know why Soniaben was sitting in Dilli when poor cow was suffering. But I kept mouth shut. You know why? Because cow also had white skin.

Everyone was doing khit-phit when you said Muslims are making refugee camps into baby-producing centres and said they produce five children each. What wrong you did? Nobody giving you credit. One, you go and see true state of refugee camps – not wham, bam visit – and stay to watch full action, then you go to whole state and count Muslim babies. Which CM takes so much interest in minority group? Only you.

That is why I want to join your Gaurav Yatra. You got elevator in chariot, no? You will let me sit in it and be lifted in air? I will feel very giddy-headed. Like you only.

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“I am his (Modi’s) advocate and it is my duty the plead his case.” – Atal Behari Vajpayee

Dear Mr. Prime Minister:

I think I know where you come from and I feel sorry for you. Yes, sorry. Not angry. For, any leader who can change his stripes within a few days is a desperate man. I am not going to wear a mask, so I will reveal who I am rightaway. An Indian Muslim. And today I will speak in that capacity. So, let me take some of your statements and respond to them.

“Muslims the world over do not want to mingle with other communities. They simply do not want to live in peace. The countries where there are Muslim populations live in perpetual fear of Islamic militancy.”

Isn’t it strange that for someone who wants to project an independent cultural movement you are appearing to be almost a stooge of the Americans? This is why you have latched on to their ‘Islamic terrorism’ rant.

“Today’s Islam preaches violence and militancy.”

Really? Which madrassa have you been attending to check this out? And, pray, what is Hindutva? You have let Narendra Modi get away with murder. What is this if not militancy?

“What happened in Gujarat? If the attack on the Sabarmati had not happened, then what happened later (communal violence) would not have happened.”

Will you, using this logic, then agree that the bomb blasts of 1993 were a result of the Bombay riots and therefore to be condoned? And then you cannot even say the words—in Hindi you said “jo hua” (whatever happened). Say it aloud. Say it was ethnic cleansing. It was the majority with the connivance of the police and the state machinery that went around looting, killing a minority group. Say it.

All along the secularists believed that a man with a creative instinct and temperament
could not be a rabid fundamentalist. So they listened raptly to the treacle you dished out. They had played into the hands of the fanatic. Power politics is at play, but we cannot deny that you had begun to take yourself too seriously, ironically due to flippant gestures. Like your comments about Jayalalitha and Sonia Gandhi, making them out to be tantrum-prone women.

Or the Pokhran nuclear blast, which was the case of a whimper trying to come out as thunder. It is ridiculous to believe that the world, or even the enemy Pakistan, took India seriously because of this. In fact, our neighbour went ahead right after that to make a scene in Kargil. Which was again touted as your personal victory when you had no clue about what was happening, but walked away with all the credit. You have earned your stripes through default most of the time.

Your asset is that you have been a vacillator. Each time you stall something, you are considered a thinker; if you utter something with a flourish, they call you an orator; if you talk about fighting against outside interference, they start seeing you as the upholder of our ancient tradition; and if you say India is a tolerant country, you are deemed a liberal.

From being the “Man India Awaits” to the man who would take the country into the new century, the Vajpayee phenomenon has more to do with serendipity than statesmanship. You just have to be pitted against your competitors in the party, and we have the image of a hounded person despite the fact that you are occupying the hot seat. Yet you have been in the enviable position to get away with anything and attribute it to helplessness, because you were not considered rabid, rigid, or regressive.

How did you manage it with a straight face? How did you pose as the eternal romantic when you were so practical all along? Did you walk around in boots too big for you simply because they gave you room to twiddle your toes? As a citizen on this country, I need the answers. And you owe me an apology as well.

* * *
“I dare Pakistan to fight a direct war with India instead of engaging in a proxy war targeting temples and innocent civilians. Let us fight it out face to face.” – L. K. Advani

L.K.ADVANI: THE CHARIOTEER

Here is one man who changed not only the face of a Japanese car but the colour of our Republic too. L.K.Advani looks like Laxman’s Common Man without the confused expression, which is dour, like Morarji Desai’s. He has no charisma, therefore he would make for a very unlikely Gandhi, but look closely and there is the familiar austerity camouflaging a smooth shrewdness. He would not need a PR guy to point out his USP, for his presence is enough to convey what he stands for. He is the lamp-post for both dog emptying his bladder and disciple learning beneath its light.

But is he as bright as fire, as clear as water, as grounded as earth? While pushing his opponents to defensive positions, isn’t he being defensive as well? Is he as complete a man as he is made out to be?

As immigrant: He is the statesman without a state. Today, the man who represents all that India is supposed to want is perhaps more rootless than many. From Karachi to ‘kar seva’ has been a long journey. Which is why he clings to his RSS/Jana Sangh background; it makes him feel a part of the action. In some ways he is like a new convert – he tries too hard. And that effort comes across as sincerity which, as Oscar Wilde said, is the greatest vice of the fanatic.

As fanatic: It is not one of deep conviction nor of convenience, but in many ways like a child he truly believes that by crying he can hold on to the apron strings of his mother (land). And he feels the need for it simply because he still lives out of a mental suitcase. There are very many reasons provided for his reluctance to take to centre-stage. One of them is his undoubted insecurity. He cannot take the responsibility for crucial decisions. He resigned after the demolition of the Babri Masjid. And he wasn’t merely being honorable; he was afraid.

As indispensable wallflower: Why does Advaniji avoid the spotlight? Is it only political expediency that makes him promote a Vajpayee? No. By coming across as the kingmaker, he can be seen as the Ram who took to ‘banwaas’ with an Ayodhya awaiting him forever. That is the strategy -- to make the country breathlessly anticipate the great saviour, and teasers about his hard line against the soft one of Vajpayee are sent out to titillate the cadres. One can almost hear the stentorian reprimand. The whispering gallery. And then the denouement by the avuncular patriarch – we are all one.

As the right man: And while he is in this survivor-in-the-forest mode, the people go through an ‘agni pariksha’. Yes, the country is his Sita, the one he stands by but who will be put through a test to prove his point. L.K. Advani is a trustworthy man because there is a whole machinery that helps others keep the faith. He has his sidekicks, but they are called loyal soldiers of the party. He promotes certain favoured people and instead of a coterie it is seen as a cohesive unit. And that is the point: he can do anything and yet he will be called upright and uncompromising. In some ways he is; if you don’t plant trees you don’t get mud on your hands.

He is a fortunate man. He has acquired a halo by uttering “Hey Ram” while riding Krishna’s ‘dharma-yudh’ chariot. Talk of contradictions. But, then, whoever said he was not a politician?

* * *
K.P.S.GILL: COP OUT?

You send a man who has clamped down on terrorism and indulged in its associated negative aspects to an area that needs sensitive handling. You send a man who has been prosecuted for sexual harassment to a place where women have suffered the indignity of the worst kind of physical and emotional humiliation. So, now is a good enough time to ask: What exactly is K.P.S.Gill doing in Gujarat? Okay, he is the Gujarat CM’s security advisor, and that’s like saying he is the dragon’s hiss. Yes, you heard right. He is a complete Establishment man. And both these are potent words.

He will never exceed his brief. But somehow he manages to convey he is his own person by not attending office, by making tut-tut sounds about a few bad officers. He is being used by the BJP, and he knows it. He does not care. For him, heroism matters. Coming down on criminals gives him a kick. Therefore, isn’t it strange that he has not managed that coup in Gujarat? Isn’t it strange that violence happened in Godhra after he took over? What is he doing? He is sounding exactly like Narendra Modi when he says things are under control, the police force is acting, people want peace. Of course people want peace. They are the ones who suffer.

What further perturbs me is how he has managed to retain his ‘dignity’. We keep talking about criminals in Bihar and UP who are in powerful positions. How come no one talks about Mr. Gill’s crime, for which he was given three years imprisonment, which was later changed to probation? I am not ready to forget his dubious reputation in a hurry. Remember that incident about his patting the bottom of a woman IAS officer? It was as despicable an act as George Fernandes’ disgusting comments about rape. But do you know what had happened in Gill’s case? There were certain male commentators who said that this was a trivial issue and he was a national asset. Believe me, that man’s stature went up a few notches because he had displayed machismo, not despite it.

He fits in perfectly in our patriarchal set-up. Words like ‘super cop’ only buffer the image. But can we credit him with putting an end to terrorism in Punjab? Would he have managed to do a thing without the TADA behind him? The way he talks about Gujarat being a “penalty posting” it appears that he is cashing in on it. In a roundabout way he is trying to tell us that he goes where angels fear to tread. Big deal. If he is willing to be the stick the System uses to beat its citizens with, then his job is a cakewalk with icing.

What is it about our society that hands out pedestals to people who may not deserve it? Are we so hungry for heroes? Then my question would be: why is it that when that gutsy woman police officer Kiran Bedi was out in the streets during the 1984 riots in Delhi she was called a megalomaniac? Why do people poke fun at her Florence Nightingale and Mata of the ashram act when she brings about changes in the prison set-up? Had Gill done these things, they would have lauded him for showing his human face.

I recall a former high-ranking police officer in Mumbai saying about Kiran Bedi that she would remain a low level police officer because, “only a woman who has had a balanced family life and not suppressed herself in any way would be automatically trained to deal with different kinds of people…” This is an old strategy. You cannot take on a woman in her territory, so you hit out at her personally. Will anyone talk about Gill’s balanced family life? His suppressed urges?

I think it is time we did so. Our national assets ought not to be men who flaunt their manhood, but people who know the value of a human being because they are human beings themselves, not vultures letting the fur fly in our faces.

* * *
ARUN JAITLEY: JACK OF ALL TRADES

It isn’t Arun Jaitley’s fault that he has a face as smooth as a baby’s bottom. I wouldn’t know what Freud had to say about it, but men who shave this close give the impression of being perfectionists when they might just be pernickety. They like to be the nice guys, the foot soldiers ready to march to a given tune, provided they are handed over the bugle ever so often. And Jaitley, in being the BJP’s biggest trumpeter, had managed to blow his own horn.

His is an interesting case: the sophisticate who has no problems speaking a tough language to defend the tenuous; the legal eagle who does not mind if his faculties are submerged beneath silly dictates, like when he stated, “I have been asked to tender advice on the legal aspect of what the Vishwa Hindu Parishad and the sants have asked the prime minister.” And even if his wings are being clipped – party president M. Venkaiah Naidu called his a “part-time responsibility”, with “no cabinet berth”, having to “adhere to party lines” – he continues to grace TV channels as a “former” law minister and party spokesman. One would imagine that a person of his standing would cringe at being dignified by past glory, but apparently he believes a bird in a cage is worth a flock in the sky.

And he might well be right. Does it matter whether he is the “interlocutor” for Kashmir or merely a FedEx delivery man? Or whether he is the red rag caught between the matador and the bull? Then what happens to the carefully-cultivated image of the squeaky clean boy scout who would speak up for an ideology he believes in?

If Jaitley has any ideology, it will be on test now. He has been appointed as one of the general secretaries in charge of carrying tales from some states preparing for elections to the Centre; of course, the official phrase is “revitalisation of the organisation”. Among the states where Jaitley’s services have been required with “redoubled dedication” is Gujarat. I would be very curious to know how our former law minister handles this one. When POTA was being debated, he was a passionate supporter of it for, “in a country where thousands of people have been killed in acts of terrorism, where thousands of kilograms of RDX have been recovered and where different terrorist movements are already in interplay” such an Act was long overdue. He had added that, “objections raised by the National Human Rights Commission have all been taken into consideration”.

That is extremely sweet. Now would he be kind enough to apply the same yardstick in Gujarat and recommend a few measures to deal with terrorism by kerosene cans and gas cylinders, where people have been mercilessly killed, which according to the NHRC has been done under the ‘watchful’ eyes of the government? Will he do something about it? Or will he just throw up his hands and say that he is only an observer?

He looks like a person who can be trusted. Yet, he is not above petty considerations. It has often been touted that he earned considerably more as a Supreme Court lawyer and by being minister/partyman he has made a huge sacrifice. Sheer poppycock. Had he continued to flap around like a penguin, he would have been relegated to the cold. He has chosen the heat of politics because he understands the worth of sparks. Don’t be fooled into thinking that the fire in his belly is to set aflame a whole new thought process. He is here to light his own torch.

* * *
The opinion polls clearly reveal not the mood in Gujarat, but on whose side those conducting them are. Be sure of one thing: these elections will be rigged, and the winner will be the party that is better at booth-capturing, horse-trading and monkeying around. Even if the BJP were to lose here, it will make up at the Centre in a few months. For, the Congress will fall flat on its face, unable to cope with the changed scenario. With Sonia Gandhi at the helm it cannot even try to mimic the Hindutva parties, and I am afraid India today is clay in the hands of the saffron brigade.