So Far Away From Me!

In Ramayana*, Sita the wife of Lord Rama was abducted by Rawana and was flown to Lanka (the present day Sri Lanka). Rama and Sita were seperated by the mighty ocean for days, which still remains un counted! Despite the fact that –in those days- there were no electronic means of communication, that we take for granted now, the love they shared remained unalloyed. But the epic has its irony due to obvious reasons, namely chastity, the most widly uttered virtue.

Even Gods succumbed to human vice of suspicion.

But what interests me is our perennial attempt in emulating this level of sincerity in our distance related relationships which nonetheless is very much arduous.

We live in a world of constant changes and everyone in one aspect or the other believes in perpetual changes. Consistensy is very hazily defined in any of the human emotions. Hence, love and its artefact relationship do not stand exceptionally. In fact they are way much vulnerable than can actually be thought of.

Things get even worse when the distance creeps in. We humans are sincerely very un sincere creatures let alone being sincere to other human beings, what if its with our own love? Long distance relationship has various factors, which eventually give it a meaningful definition. Let me sketch out few of the human traits, which interplay vigorously to make any relationship with the ceaseless distance in between a success or a failure. Loyality and deceptiveness; chastity and fidelity- can be a very few in the endlesslist!

In a world everything is flawed and where truth is so much eluding that people prefer to dwell on lies; loyality is indeed strenuous to uphold. Being loyal to your partener is sine-qua-none to mental health. However, it gets deluding when one of the partners deceives; perfection has always been elusive.

The notion that one man’s mind is another man’s mystery further aggravates the already dubious nature of perfection. I however, maintain that it is not something unattainable; there are still hundred of instances of immaculate relationships.

But in today’s world where people get their would-be spouse to sign an affidavit of compensation lest they cheat on them, chastity is indeed expensive!

Trust. A prosaic noun which is prostituted indefinitely by those who share a relationship be it the near one or the distant and is as many times shattered as is vouched for (I still have some room for loyalists!) is really ecanescent. In real we live in a milieu where we constantly interact with people of varying dispositions and temperaments. What we feel good today may not remain the same the day after and vice versa. And no human can vociferously claim that his life is governed by some set of defined axioms; every mortal is liable to emotional upheavals. This sets aside all the virtues.

The stimuli can havemotley hues but the outcome is constant.

Variegated forms of long distance relationships:

Since the path of life takes people in different directions, some turn of events simply decide the fate of a couple. For instance, if a man is being relocated across the country because he moved to another position in his company, while his woman is doing well in her present career, they inevitably go their separate ways.

Sometimes young lovers are forced to call it quits because they end up attending different colleges in different cities, states, or even continents.

The first thing to understand is that a relationship from afar does not necessarily mean that it is indeed a relationship. Let me explain.

If a guy dates a girl for two years before she decides to travel across Himalays with nothing but a backpack and pocket change, where does this leave the duo? First off, the golden rule of this situation is to settle the rules and terms before such an event takes place. The loving duo must agree on how they will live through this separation, and if they will remain a couple altogether. A problem occurs if one decides that they cannot live this way, while the other is ready to sacrifice.

There are three basic options in dealing with a long-distance love affair: the couple can remain faithful to each other; they can date other people and see what happens; or they can call it quits and start dating other people right away.

One option is to keep everything the way it is -- whether you are 5 miles or 5,000 miles away from each other. This way of thinking is very popular among young lovebirds, new to the journey of romance.

They tend to believe that physical space between them will not affect the solidity of the relationship because their "undying" love for each other can surpass this small obstacle. This is a good example for when a couple gets separated for education reasons.

What happens in many cases, however, is that the partners start feeling lonely and begin roving around to see what the "potential relationship market" has to offer.

But the problem is that the terms of the relationship state that this should not happen. What then?

Then the guy, for example, starts fooling around and feels bad about the situation, even if six months have passed since he has last seen his girlfriend.

Thus, a more appropriate agreement would have been to allow each other the freedom to date other people and then see what the future held for them once they were reunited. Hence, the second category for a long-distance relationship.

This same principle applies to any couple in the initial stage of dating: they are together but they’re not committed.

What the Human Physiology says?

The human thinking and actions are in turn guided by complex set of neuro-hormonal interplay. Human Biology can shed some light in this relative arduousness of maintaining the long distance relationships.

The most well known love-related chemical is phenylethylamine -- or "PEA" -- a naturally occurring trace ammine in the brain. PEA is a natural
amphetamine, like the drug, and can cause similar stimulation. This natural upper contributes to that kick-up-your-heels, on-top-of-the-world feeling that attraction can bring, and gives you the energy to stay up all night talking to a new love. Sometimes this energy translates into the triple-espresso jitters; other times it simply keeps you wide-eyed and alert long past the time when you’d usually be yawning. This is the initial impetus, which makes people believe that they can live through the distance.

However, some scientists believe that after a certain period, from 18 months to 4 years, one’s body gets used to these love stimulants. After building up a tolerance to uppers like PEA, passionate romances can cool into what Helen Fisher, author of "Anatomy of Love" calls "attachment." In this phase of the relationship, your brain produces endorphins, brain opiates more like morphine than speed. "Unlike PEA," says Fisher, "they calm the mind, kill pain, and reduce anxiety." So what some people call "separation anxiety" might actually be a form of drug withdrawal.

The idea that the "honeymoon period" of a relationship is fueled by different brain chemistry than what is present during the mellower years that come later might explain why some people can’t seem to hold long-term relationships: they prefer the revving-up affects of brain amphetamines to the pain-killing effects of endorphins.

It is in fact during this period where the long distance relationship is at jeopardy!

A final thought...

I’d got this book, ‘the comedian’ by G Greene, from a peer few days back and as I was going through it, I came across some lines which I thought were very much relevant to what I was writing .So, let me end with an excerpt from the same book where the author says, “Perhaps the long distance relationship is the greatest test. If we can surive it with charity to those we love and affection to those we have betrayed, we need not worry so much about the good and the bad in us. But jealosy, distrust, cruelty, revenge, recrimination…..Then we fail. The wrong is in that failure even if we are the victims and not the executioners. Virtue is no excuse…”