Conversion Confusion

They were peeling matar, Uzma and her saas-in-law, from the fresh green pea pods and keeping each other posted about their respective relatives.

How is your khaalas bahu, asked her saas. Nice girl, always smilingkuch hai kya? (Meaning, is she expecting?) Do saal hogaye, nahi?

Yeah, but Sayeed bhai is away, na, blurted Uzma.

Oh, the older lady replied and they shifted their attention to other relatives whose husbands were not so far away.

Now Sayeed bhai in question was one of those unfortunate husbands employed in the remote areas of the Gulf with no provision to bring the wife along. He had hardly spent a couple of weeks with Zehra bhabi before taking off on a two-year grind. Uzmas saas was well aware of this fact and still enquired about the prospect of something happening. That set Uzma thinkingabout Naila.

Shortly after Uzmas marriage, Naila, her sister-in-law, returned from Bombay (it may be Mumbai now, but she preferred Bombay anyway) after a yearlong stint with the Leela Kempinski. The return to base was planned basically with marriage in mind. With her away at Bombay it was becoming a bit difficult to show her to prospective grooms and their families.
Anyway, once back home she lost no time in finding a place as the House Keeping Executive at the Taj. The prospective grooms kept coming and going though not in as high a number as expected after placing the ad, that too in The Times of India.

Neither Naila nor the family anticipated such a poor response. She had earned a three-year degree in Hotel Management (after successfully convincing her father that if the course was good enough for bhai, then it was good enough for her too. He had raised his children without any gender discrimination, so why object now?) and an MBA to boot.

But perhaps Uzma could understandMuslims of this southern city of India maybe by far the most educated of all the Muslims in India (in numbers, that is, at least thats what her impression was) but still they do not accord a girl from the hospitality industry much bhav, a rather refined way of saying that achee nazron se nahi dekhte. They have this mental block that a hotel employee, a girl, can never progress beyond the front office desk. Plus she was on the plump side, had short hair and was unwilling to leave her job.

What Uzma also came to understand from these encounters was that the other party could live with Nailas obesity (jala jala ke dubla kar lenge, they must have thought!) and short hair (it could grow any time) but what they basically objected to was her adamancy to work in a hotel. Cant you work somewhere else, if at all you must work? They would ask.

What also intrigued Uzma was Nailas behaviourshe would sit there with a totally bezaar look on her face and contort and distort her facial features much to her mother-in-laws chagrin and the boy and his familys disappointment and disapproval at times. Most girls do so; she thought perhaps Nailas behaviour was quintessential of all girls going through this bizarre drama and let it pass.

And Naila wanted a good-looking husband. Her looks could be termed mediocre and the complexion, wheatish. Now, like Bina Shah, Uzma too could never fathom, for dear life, this wheatish complexion thing. You could be fair, dark or perhaps brown, but pray, what is this wheatish, she wondered? Are fair girls riceish, then? Or black ones bhilanwish? Never mind! Suffice it to say that Naila came into this wheatish category by general consensus.

Kabhi apni shakal dekhi hai aaine may? Her brothers would ask Naila. Abhi se do bachon ki maa lagti ho. They would declare.

If Uzma tried to cool their tempers saying since she had grown up in the company of three good-looking men (two brothers and a father; the father more good looking than both the brothers) perhaps subconsciously she wished to marry one too.

But bhabi, when the guy is willing to marry her as she is, why cant she do the same with him? Her dewar would try to reason out with her.

She meets so many people and if there is a possibility somewhere she has the full liberty to go aheadwho is stopping her? If she keeps on putting weight at this rate, mushkil hojayegi baad may. Her husband would add in his quiet, characteristic manner.

A catch 22 situation perhaps? Uzma could not decide. Anyway, time flew bylife progressed and so did she from being a biwi to a bachon ki maa. Thats when DK came along.

But Uzma suspected him to have existed all alongbut now with all efforts bearing no daamaad, and everybodys patience ebbing awaywith brothers getting settled and embroiled in their own family lives and bacha kachasand the father having retiredshe guessed there was no go but to give DK a second look. What have we got to lose except gain a son-in-law, they must have thought.

DK had been Nailas classmate; they had studied together and were now working together! The family knew about him and had even met him at the several receptions held at the Taj hotel. Everybody gave the impression of knowing him as her ex-classmate and current colleague. Uzmas sixth sense, which seemed to go on an overdrive sometimes but ultimately did prove right, could sense that he was more. But if the family was not divulging, she was not about to either.

Every night between 8 and 8.30 PM Naila would unfailingly receive a call from DK and nobody raised an eyelash leave alone an eyebrow. Uzmas father-in-law did question sometimes if it was necessary to receive such calls daily. Before Naila could respond, her mother would shush him into silence. Since Madam and her will, reigned supreme in the house, he would retreat to his room or resume whatever it was that he was doing. Simply put, the family feigned ignorance or rather chose to play blind while Uzma just wanted this DK guy to come out in the open so that they could tie the sehra and bind them together.

But there was a catch. DK was a Kashmiri Pandit.

Naila had perhaps simply played along the see and be seen drama and waited for the opportune momenta good four years and finally brought DK in the open. She also declared that if she couldnt marry him, she would marry no one else either. The bait? He was willing to convertand liked her just the way she was. As for his looks, he was a Kashmiri Pandit. Need one say more?

That left no room for objectionnotwithstanding the fact that DKs parents were dead against the marriagebut since the guy was ready and willing, they and their objection was simply ignored.

Cut to the present now

Nailas wedding is as old as Uzmas younger sonrunning into sixand she is still issueless. Initially, the delay was intentionalthe family is not sure if it is so anymore.

They no longer discuss the issue at homethere seems to be an unspoken understanding to let the matter be and everybody was tight lipped about it.

Even though they enquired about others, they remain silent on the issue right at home.

Whats the big deal here? Naila married latewith six years gone by, Uzma worries if she is losing out on timeof course science has many remedies to offerbut who is going to bell the cat? The parents are silent, so are the brothersshe doesnt even know if Naila or DK has any medical problem. Nobody is telling and she cannot askthey are just not intimate that way.
If she asks her husband he questions her motive and feels it best not to intrude someones privacy even if that someone happens to be his own sister.

If she is not discussing the issue, why should we probe, he questions her. Uzma cannot understand his reasoning. Respecting a persons privacy is fine but Naila is your sister for heavens sake! Perhaps she is shy, embarrassedwhy dont you all venture to askat least make an effort to enquire. She tries to drive reason home. He doesnt respond.

Uzma always looked forward to having a younger sister-in-law after marriage. She thought Naila and she would make a great nanand-bhabi pair. Just as she did with her own two bhabis. The mere thought of her bhabis brought a smile on her face. When together, they literally brought the house down much to the delight of both her parents. They laughed over the silliest of jokes and shared the most secret of all secrets. Her mother had infused so much warmth, affection and sincerity among her children and her bahus that her bhabis felt they were a part of the same whole and never the outsiders. Mere bachon ki khushi unse wabasta hai, if they were happy, my sons would be happy, she would explain whenever Uzma teased her about how she indulged her bahus.

Uzma wanted to share the same intimacy with Naila. But she failed to draw her close. No matter how hard she tried she could go only so far and no further. Perhaps its a trait peculiar to UPites. They forge a bond only with their close ones. Others can simply proceed to the extent allowedno trespassing is permittedventure further and be sure to collide with an unseen wall of nothingness. Knock, knockno response.

Uzma still holds Naila dear and longs to share her joys and happiness, her woes and sorrows with herindulge in meaningless banter or harmless gossip. She wishes they could complain about their respective husbands behind their backs or laugh at them and make fun of their follies. She wants them to exchange maternal angst over sleepless nights, perennial diaper changes and un-hourly feedsand expanding waists and husbands kept on hold!

Uzma wants to know if Naila misses having children

She is so caring, loving and patient with her little brood of nieces and nephews; she can only imagine how she would be with her own.

Is there something, outside the realm of science that is responsible for her being childless?

What are DKs views on the matter since the delay no longer seems intentional?
He hasnt disclosed his conversion for the concern that it might hinder his career prospects. Does he fear the same for his child?

Are they contemplating what religion their child would follow? What name to give him/her?
Does his family expect him to follow the rituals and perform the puja when it comes visiting? Does it force or expect Naila to follow too? DKs family is unaware of his conversion. Does it worry Naila that it could subject the baby to its belief?

These questions might not be related to DK and Naila not having a baby but they do seem intertwined somehow. Surely they would affect the baby in the future. And Naila too
They also bring other aspects into focus.

Does Naila realize that her husband discarded or pretended to discard his own religion just so he could marry her? That he follows the adopted religion exclusively on paper?
His side of the people believes he is following his own religion.

Her side of the people, except close family believes she has married outside the religion and they deduce she is committing haraam. Some even consider her issueless state a blessing in disguise, for otherwise the kids would qualify as They leave the obvious unsaid.
Is the deduction right? Could it be really so? Naila committing haraam?

Uzma is neither the sermonizing sort nor one with a holier-than-thou attitude. Just as anybody out there, she too believes that religion is a matter between God and his follower. However, the religion that she follows is an open factshe hasnt kept anybody guessing. She has never felt the need to hide her religious identity (she doesnt wear it on her sleeve, either) nor has it hampered her in any way. She has never been discriminated at job interviews nor has her career suffered because of her religion. She has had Hindu friends as long as she could remember and their number is only growing. Theyve never had problems nor has their respective religions affected their friendship; not even in the worst of riot-hit times.

One could be like Javed Akhtar, eat pork and say, there, I have eaten it and see, nothing has happened. Uzmas problem is, she cannot be so nonchalant. She might be hopelessly erratic in offering her prayers or not observe purdah but she does know what comprises halaal and what doesntwhat constitutes gunah-e-kabeera and gunah-e-sageera. Just as someone else would consider eating beef as a sacrilege she too cannot commit one knowingly. Thats why she is worriedabout Naila committing one.

The other Idd, just as the men of the house were getting ready to leave for the prayers, Naila came over. Uzma asked impulsivelyIs DK coming too? Will he be joining the others for the prayers?

Kahaan? With his brother with him, he cannot do saystated her father-in-law.
But pa, he would be, all life longdoes that mean DK She couldnt continue.
Wohi taunahi reveal kar sakte nahe replied.

Will DK carry on so for the rest of his life? Surely his brother cannot sneak a peek behind the closed door and the four walls of his room If he can fast every Saturday to cleanse his system he could do so too during Ramzan even if it were to camouflage the pretext as a gesture of showing reverence to his wifes practice of observing fast.

Might seem like unsolicited advice, but wouldnt DK have done better by going in for a registered marriage (which he did anyway, besides the nikaah) keeping religion aside? That way, he wouldnt have been insulting both the religions. Farzana Versey would agree here.
Both could have carried on with their respective religions and if any sacrilege was committed, so be it. At least there would have been no sham.

DK could even revert to his religion on the pretext that the conversion was just to facilitate the wedding. That way he could be true to at least one God and himself too.

Or declare himself to be an atheist/agnostic, communist, whatever but not deceive or keep guessing God - neither his nor hers, himself, and others. No, he is not obliged to but if he truly loves Naila, he could, he wouldhe should.

These questions plague Uzmas mind and make her restless. She knows its none of her business but its her love and affection for Naila that makes her wish she would not tread on the wrong path in the life here and suffer the consequences in the life hereafter.