The Commodity called Spirituality

Of all the blessings of capitalism that I have experienced to date, the one that I have found most amusing is the Spiritual Industry. I chanced upon this fascinating world of corporate-spirituality through a colleague at school. (I later found that there was an elaborate scheme of commissions for all those who brought referrals.)

Around four years ago, in the midst of my teens—when I used to believe in the kind of science through which djinns could be used to acquire energy—I was a devout follower of one of Karachi’s most popular Guru of Spirituality whose ‘institute’ is located in a posh area of the city (I guess to make it convenient for those who can afford the expenses of Spirituality). Majority of the following was from the upper-class; however, there were also many youths from the middle-class (like myself) who travelled an hour long journey in ‘Super Hassan Zai’ to listen to the Guru every week, so that we could equip ourselves with the spiritual tools which would enable us to “create unlimited wealth with effortless ease and to experience success in every endeavour.” (Sure, we were odd ones out, because we possessed neither the Civics nor the kind of money that is required to experience real enlightenment, but we made sure that we did not miss out on the opportunity to gain all the secrets of increasing our mind-powers that we could from these no-cost promotional offers every weekend!)

I guess you are thinking that he is also one of those fraudulent Professor Nagi B.A.s; well wrong again. He’s not a B.A. but a full Ph. D! (For those of you who are ignorant, Ph. D stands for a Doctorate of Philosophy). And that also, from the U.S. of A! Now beat that! Can you? (I swear I was impressed when I read this accolade for the first time!) I know, all of this is very impressive, but when I studied the history of this region, I could find no trace of any Buddha or Bulleh Shah or Data Gunj Baksh. Where in the world did these academic degrees in spirituality come from—and who is teaching this ‘methodology of spirituality’?! (Certainly, Buddha and the Sufis would be intrigued!) From the land of the Great Nation, what I did find, however, was a King of Spirituality Deepak Chopra (recently caught in a sex-scandal with a prostitute) and a Jose Silva. (An interesting tangent: on reading Jose Silva’s works, I found that the beloved guru had a similar programme under a different title.)

This spirituality, however, has a definite practical and commercial utility. The guru taught us that now spirituality was not a privilege reserved for the likes of Sufis; now one doesn’t even have to be an ascetic; nor is there a need to rid oneself of desires, lusts, etc. to achieve nirvana (no, don’t even dare mention it—nirvana will spoil everything, ruin the business, wreck the booming industry!); now all one needs is five grand. Yes, five notes–printed with a ‘1000’ figure and you could achieve solutions to all your problems in life: tension, stress, anxiety, depression, weak memory, poor concentration. Not enticed as yet? Okay, add this to the spirituality package, improved grades at school, passing of interviews, tests and examinations, increased incomes and make your dreams come true; and for those who are retired (and filthy rich) there’s a special offer that will make you realize the true meaning of ASHRAF-UL-MAKHLUQAT!! All you need is just five grand—and spend a day at the five-star hotel with the guru and your life will be transformed. (Guarantee, however, is a matter of faith.)

There are other gurus in the league as well. I read about one who had an ‘aura’ machine in Lahore, and I chanced upon another one who was selling oxygen! Yes, let me spell out that again: O X Y G E N. I even had the privilege of undergoing a (free) trial, after which I was supposed to feel as fresh as a newborn. Don’t ask what happened to this faithless creature after the therapy—a headache! The reason cited was simple: I don’t have a strong faith.

Now, as I have begun to understand the basics of Science, its philosophy (read: logical positivism), its methodology, it surprises me how everything that lacks rational legitimization is labelled under science without a need to justify the issue further. All gurus have two indispensable tools at their disposal: Science and Islam. If you incidentally have some scientific knowledge of the issue at hand, the guru will always trump you using religion. I remember that during my encounter with the oxygen-seller, he had a monitor shining with a diagram of the lymphatic system. He was explaining to my innocent uncle that how these carry the dirt of your body and when these are filled with too much of pollution (that happens to everyone), it starts interfering with our blood vessels and hence the oxygen is blocked out of those parts of the body, and we experience pains! When I objected to this proposition (using bits of biology that I learnt in O’ Levels), the topic was immediately connected to how the physical objective of wuzu (ablution) and namaz (prayers) is really to open our blood vessels and allow for the oxygen to flow to the dormant parts of the body! (How can any believer object to that!!)

If things proceed the way they are going right now, don’t be surprised if you hear of someone who is a cross between a Sufi and a hippy, having a corporate empire under the name of ‘The Institute of Spiritual Elevation and Ecstatic Sciences Ltd.’.

Just be careful next time.