What will I teach my daughter?

The purpose of education is to pass on the knowledge and wisdom from the past into the future generations. There is a paradox of progress involved here, for if we accept unconditionally the knowledge of the past, we will not be able to apply that knowledge critically to new circumstances. We will be teaching the future generations that the world is flat and passing on misconceptions and superstitions. Such is the case with religion. On the one hand there are those who feel that we should return to our roots to find our true-selves. Then there are those so-called reformers who believe that religion should be re-interpreted in the light of new evidence and socio-cultural phenomenon.

One such phenomenon is the rise of feminism in Islam. I wish to argue that the feminist best bet is to avoid the reformation of Islam. Instead they are better off abandoning their cultural and religious ties in the hopes of attaining a better life, as well as, a better after life. I will keep my arguments personal, because I want to share with you all my life as openly as possible.

Let me start by telling you that I have become a father recently. My daughter, who happens to have a great temperament, is also endowed with good looks from both sides of the family. She is lucky to have been born in the States, and she will be a citizen of the world, as she will have her Pakistani heritage, a Canadian, a British and a US citizenship. She will be educated both in the ways of the East as well as the West. Being an educator, I believe that an all rounded education, involves not just the basics; reading writing and arithmetic, but also, physical education, arts education, and moral education. This is where I will digress and share with you a little bit about my family and our belief system.

I was raised in a somewhat liberal religious environment, a Sunni Muslim. My mother insisted that all her kids were educated in religion and towards that end we had to endure tutors who would come to our house and teach us Arabic and the Quran. I should explain what I mean by “teach us Quran”. The Mullana Sahib would not only encourage proper recitation, but we were also encouraged to memorize the Quran. Now I am strictly speaking about my own experience, as I have not confirmed this with my other siblings.

But my experience of a religious education was that at some point it would become about my sexual education. Don’t get me wrong, at that age I was curious to learn and a good student. I had memorized the thirtieth Para by the age of ten. Some of these educators were important religious figures in my own family as well as the community. I wanted to give this background so that you may understand why I feel that religious education is inferior to moral education. Really, aside from the sexual education the only thing that I learnt was memorization.

Now my wife has some misguided views about raising our daughter she seems to think that she is going to impart the same religious values and rituals that she practices. As you may understand by now that is not going to happen. The simple reason is that I will teach my daughter moral principles and not allow her to practice rituals. I do not mind my wife teaching her about Islam, because I can point towards All the Muslims that are really a counter example of Islamic beliefs and practices. And I don’t have to go far for that one.
At the same time I will teach her other religions. She will know about Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, and Judaism. I will also teach her about the importance of being good, as oppose to what most religions end up teaching, and that is the importance of appearing and acting good. Most importantly, I will give her critical thinking skills, teach her to meditate, some yoga and a healthy self-expression. She will get to exercise the four domains, intellectual, spiritual, emotional and physical.

I will teach her self-respect and to have dignity and self worth. I find it curious that some of the so-called feminists keep going back to the place where they are being abused and want to be a part of a system and religion that subjugates them and treats them like outcastes. Maybe these women are unable to exercise their choice, because they have none. I will teach my daughter to rise above women like Asra Q Nomani and Amina Wadud. They do not have the judgment to recognize that it is not Islam that needs to be reformed.

What needs to be reformed are human beings who never fully understood nor are capable of appreciating the word of God. Let me give you an example; how many Muslims believe in the Day of Judgment and a heaven or hell? I would say that it is a fundamental misguided tenet. For this reason people will do good deeds. The carrot and stick approach to good behavior. I will teach my daughter to do good and be good without any hope for reward and without any fear of reprisal. If Muslims are so obedient to God and His will, why should they be scared of going to hell? After all hell was exclusively made for human beings, and if it is God’s will then Muslims should be the first to go there gladly. Remember that Islam is about submission to God’s will.

I will teach my daughter that God only discriminates and judges on the basis of character. He also knows the intention behind each action. Ask yourself, what is more important, to memorize a bunch of Arabic words to go to heaven, or to act in a manner that helps others, creates a better world, and fulfills your own potential? What is more important, to win arguments and battles to prove that you are right, or to treat people with kindness and respect? I have seen people who pray five times a day, but ask them about their neighbors and they wouldn’t have a clue. I have seen people lie and cheat for no reason and then go to the mosque and pray. On a day to day basis there is not a single Muslim that cares to lead a moral life. But prayer and fasting are integral part of Muslim activities. Part of the reason for this kind of behavior is that religion and religious education is emphasizing rituals and not moral behavior. The ideas of hell and heaven are about selfish behavior, as long as I get to heaven everything is alright, this is the hope and the dream. The intention behind doing good is a selfish desire to benefit oneself.

I now want to look at this idea that somehow Islam could be reformed and that one such reformation would involve the inclusion of women in the mosque or somehow equality is achieved if women have a leadership role in Islam. My experience is that women have been the guardians of morality. It was my mother who insisted that we get the religious education and to this day my mother hopes that I go and engage in the meaningless task of praying in the mosque. It will be my wife who will insist that my daughter be taught the intricacies of Islam. So in terms of being leaders women already have an important role; to shape the moral education of their offspring. I suspect that those women who are looking for a leadership role in the community are interested in political power. In other words they want to satisfy their egotistical desire for power within a community. True leaders of the community are always recognized by others for their work. If women want to take on such a role then like mother Theresa they ought to be prepared to work within the system. The problem with some feminists is that they want to go outside of their own religion to lead. This just defies logic, and I say that the egotistical desire for political power is itself contradictory in a religious setting.

If feminist values are to succeed in Islam, then men must become part of the revolution. They must recognize the feminist leaders as being in the best interest of the whole community. Unfortunately, that is simply not the case, either we don’t have the likes of mother Theresa in Islam these days, nor would the Muslim men be easily prepared to allow the moral leadership to go to the hands of women. This is more of a cultural phenomenon then a religious one.

Given this situation what should the likes of Asra Q Nomani and Amina Wadud do? Either they can find a way to contribute to the community that we would hail them as our spiritual leaders. Or they can simply create a new sect and their own set of followers and hope that someday their sect will become the majority. I say if they really want to have a good life, forget about political power and concentrate on doing good deeds. That is the sure fire way to get in the good books of God, and if they are so dedicated, God willing they will become our spiritual leaders. To do that these two would have to forget about the mosque and maybe go help the poor, or take their energies and help the widows and the orphans. In other words become unselfish and act morally in a way that would benefit humanity.

Perhaps then they would lose this focus on leading the prayers in a mosque, and will become true leaders in the eyes of the community and Allah. I really hope that this message gets to them because I would love to see powerful women leaders who could be a role model for my daughter someday. As it is I only see power hungry selfish politicians who couldn’t possibly have the blessing of Allah or God. What I find most interesting is the conflict; these women do not want to be spiritual leaders who tirelessly work for the benefit of the community. They aspire to be like those Mullah’s who would memorize the Quran and lead the prayer, and in my experience violate the trust of the community, given the chance.