I survived. However…

Finally, after 9 years of “consistent”, “persistent” and ‘determined” struggle with my dad, I got admission in Beacon House Peshawar. He (my dad) always was of the view that Afghans should not study in Pakistani educational institutions for they will forget their own values, history, culture, etc. and will become a Pakistani. I took my mom with me, met with the Principal, who was kind enough to give me admission, provided I do well. And the best part was that I had to pay nothing! So I survived.

I did well. I was one of the top 10 students of the class. My teachers loved me and thought me to be the most courageous girl. I got 723/850. Like everyone else my mother persuaded me to go for Pre-Medical. Jinnah College set its merit to be 724. Despite my in vain efforts, I couldn’t get admission in Jinnah. So I opted for Frontier College for women (not girls!!). But this was not the end of the story.

I never knew that I would be requiring an NOC (Non Objection Certificate). After studying in Frontier College for a month, they realized that I am using a seat without an NOC. So I was told to get lost! I wasn’t let in for two months, till I got my NOC. How? That is another story. I was very unlucky, the government changed, policies changed or remained in doubt, so our cases were kept unsolved. Thanks to my Beacon House Headmistress, who advised me to use the power of media, and I did. I called a friend in The News Peshawar and asked him to publish the story. He did. And the next day, one of the officials from Educational Ministry called me, apologizing for what had happened and condemning the inefficiency of his department. So I survived.

But the college administration was very rude. Except for the principal, who knew and saw what media could do, the rest treated me as an extra. Daily I would hear “you should be thankful to Pakistan and this College for giving you this opportunity, you never deserved it. Go to hell, go back to your country and study there, instead of you, a Pakistani girl could study using your seat…” But I had enough so I was kind of ‘insult proof’. And by the time I got admission in BA, I knew the process.

Peshawaries treated me as their “missing link”. No matter what, they had a feeling for us being “Pathans”, while Islamabadians, treated Afghans as the “untouchables”. They thought that all Afghans living in Islamabad are “bad” people. So I used to get a lot of such “friendly” comments. For example, most of girls in ICG had boyfriends, affairs, relations, and it was ok. Nothing bad. But if I told them about anything, anyone, they used to look at me with doubtful eyes. I would face questions like “where did you get this mobile; wow, nice shoes, aren’t they very expensive, how did you buy it; …” and what they intended to say was that where exactly do you get money from????

But I survived.

I still face discrimination. Despite the fact that I have, if not fully, but mostly assimilated in Pakistani society. Most of us did. Almost all did. Obviously, nothing can be perfect. It never is. No where has it ever been. But I am sure there have been many who couldn’t. I don’t intend to blame anyone for it, but the circumstances.

I don’t intend to give a numb picture of myself by holding circumstances responsible. No doubt circumstances themselves are the objects, they are created. But one distinction should be always kept in mind: Distinction between the majority and the minority, the oppressed and oppressor, the people and the governments. Afghans and Pakistanis as two nations, sharing many of their values and most of their lives, a history one should say, if properly calculated, have no enmity. Nor should the governments do. But they do. And we know that they don’t listen to anyone, but to their ambitions and so called National Interest. But the confusion always remains there as to what is National Interest and do they really mean “National” or only “Interest”?

Policies of the governments can create “anti-minds”, but not hearts. I have lived three fourth of my life in Pakistan. I consider it my second home. And I am very much aware of what Pakistan gained and lost due to Afghan Resistance war, to which she was a player, a major one without a doubt. I am gratified to the people of Pakistan for letting us share their bread. But this feeling of indebtedness does not blind me towards the acts and omissions committed by the authorities. I condemn the anti-Pakistani feeling amongst the Afghans in Afghanistan, but I don’t blame them for their “accepted wisdom”, as wisdom always is rooted in practical realities. They too, like many others, confuse the greatest distinctions of all: People and Governments. We do live in an “age of democracy” but we don’t really perform it. In fact it can’t be performed. Many limitations exist, from political to social, from economic to cultural and so on. We are all in chains, chains of realities. Still they don’t justify the non-performance nor am I endeavoring to do so.

Neither Afghans, nor – I am sure – Pakistanis want instability in each other’s countries. Both the nations, like all the nations of the world, want peace, democracy and freedom, as their basic rights and extend mutual respect for them.

We shared a history, we do share our present. We will be sharing a future. What sort of a future, this is for “US” to decide.