Is Patriotism at Times The Last Refuge

Well, we, the third largest ex-pat community in the world after China and India have learnt to keep our fronts, haven’t we?

After all, what other choice is there when your Head of Human Rights Commission is under detention, Imran Khan in hiding, Benazir under house arrest, Nawaz in exile... when, to top it all, even your Chief Justice and several other judges of the Supreme Court are under house arrest. When we as a nation do not believe in heroes, when we have not produced a single one in the last sixty years who has not been ultimately discredited and disgraced.

And yet, we are still proud and content. You see it is not as if we are indifferent or lazy, it is just that the alternates simply disgust us – we have seen enough of the Chaudhrys and the Shaikhs. Jokers that we would not even trust with a grocery store in the Free World leave alone our country. No thank you, we would rather settle for the lesser evil. And this is the story of our lives – long live Pervez Musharraf, may you receive the elixir of life and rule us forever. We might be a suppressed nation but we are not stupid, we know that you are the only sane man amongst a nation of 160 million who can keep the barbarians at bay – I mean, the terrorists, whatever... May you rule a nuclear power till eternity (Load shedding and electricity outages being a different matter altogether).

The other day a white man asked me on the streets of London, ‘Is your Chief Justice fired?’ ‘Yes’, I replied. ‘But was Musharraf also not fired?’ ‘Actually, the Chief Justice does not have half a million armed men under his command,’ I answered. ‘But why did the founder of your nuclear facility allow himself to be fired then when he could have detonated the atomic bomb to impress upon his indespensibility?’ he asked... For a reply, I gave him a dirty look and boarded the 85 bus.

How could I have explained to that white man that we are very superior people without sounding racially prejudiced? That, we know what we are doing though it may not seem so to the ordinary, and that we are not naive, that we know too well that there are skeletons in every closet. In all civilian closets I mean... and that therefore we would rather prefer the constraints that accompany a uniform mentality.

And who knows, if I had not boarded the bus, what he may have asked next, perhaps he would have even enquired, ‘Why do you like to beat your lawyers in the streets and why do you pull the plug on your version of BBC and channel four, ...’ And I would have had no choice but to reply, ‘Well, would you also not like to beat your lawyers and the media publicly if you had the choice...? It just so happens that we are straight forward people, that’s all. We like to walk our talk.’ ‘Unlike some...’ I would have loved to add, ‘we have nothing to hide, we do things upfront.’

Well, if the above did not transpire luckily, what did transpire however was an accusing finger in the local pub last night, ‘I saw the police beat women in the streets on TV,’ she said with a free-floating anger that was immensely evident. ‘And now what is wrong with that?’ I asked in return, with a tone of irritation and weariness so becoming of a man of superior intelligence who often has to contend with stupidity. ‘We do not differentiate between people on the basis of sex,’ I said. ‘Equal opportunities, equal status, what not, if you know what I mean...’ But this one was a poor sport, she only walked away and kept on glancing at me from a distance throughout the evening.

Well, no one has to tell me that women are trouble. Look at Benazir. She literally is a kill joy now isn’t she? Imagine taking away the limelight and the fireworks followed by deafening explosions away from our president. I mean what cheek. Only recently had the Bush and Dick team declared how much they believed in the usefulness and integrity of Musharraf... obviously since people are so desperately trying to kill him! It is after all a fine barometer now is it not? But then Benazir had to go and spoil it all. And already the Americans are having second thoughts... they are confused. I mean why did she have to exceed the President’s total of innocent people killed during assassination attempts for God’s sake? And look what has happened as a result, all of a sudden, she now seems more resourceful in the war against terror if the old age wisdom of my enemy’s enemy is my friend is of any significance at all.

But then living in a foreign country is hard. They won’t let you be... the other day a drunken man almost became aggressive, ‘What does Musharaff want?’ he demanded of me. ‘Well, don’t you know? Haven’t you ever heard him, has he not made it clear on several occasions that the civil bureaucrats in my country are a problem, and so are the politicians, and the businessmen, and the clergy, not to forget the lawyers and the judges and the media?’ ‘You see, he is trying to introduce a system that is better than democracy – since the later rather tends to go about things in a rather round about fashion.’ I explained. ‘He is using a more direct approach instead. For instance, if there is no civil bureaucracy there won’t be any bribes. No politicians would mean no treason. No media would mean no irresponsibility. No clergy would mean no extremism. No judiciary would mean no opposition to the writ of... (You know what). And then subsequently, when the system will trickle down to the street level, there wont be any police around either which will mean safer streets and then without the undue interference of the media... now do I need to spell it all...’ I asked. ‘You see,’ I continued anyway, ‘ when everyone is gone then it is only the writ of the common man that will rein supreme – of course protected with guns by the army... and is this after all not what democracy is all about anyway?’ I enquired of him.

‘You are crazy mate, you are crazy – and what about all the suicide bombers?’ the drunkard asked.

‘Well obviously with all the causes of grievance removed, they will also calm down a bit now wont they... now that there wont be any vested interests around to corrupt their morals and excite them unnecessarily. In fact, the hard nuts amongst them would even be encouraged to get on with it once and for all... so that logically speaking, a few weeks later, let me assure you that they wont be hanging around as such. By all means they would be safely resting in peace... brilliant isn’t it...?’ I asked.

But this one also just walked away...