Lost That Loving Feeling

All relationships have their highs and lows, and most relationships complain of more down-time as they get older. So is love bound to end? Is very relationship doomed to
die a natural death at the hands of time?

The good news is: no. The usual course of things dictates that the first phenomenon of love like hugs and kisses feel more spectacular, more impressive upon the mind, and more loaded with adrenaline than subsequent experiences. With time, love takes on an air of predictability as we know more and more what to expect from our partner. Far from being mundane, it is at this stage that the relationship acquires a dimension of depth. Moving on from a primeval "feeling" mode where physical intimacy was the binding factor, you are now foremost required to demonstrate an 'understanding' of your significant other.

Understanding does not mean dissecting your partner's psychology Fruedian style, but connotes an acceptance of who she is, and an acceptance of your differences.

In some ways you will be alike and in some ways you will be apart because, let's face it, you are two different people who have evolved a somewhat common identity over time.
So you enjoy going to the same places, watching the same TV shows, ordering the same stuff on the menu, but that is no reason to give up - or expect your partner to give up -
doing the things you did alone. The guy in the bar who just had a breakup will tell you all about the joys of being able to be himself again. This holds just as true within relationships.

Surprisingly, couples learn far too late what a great source of fulfillment it is to give each other private space and be what they were before the relationship.

After acceptance, the next degree of understanding is appreciation. Take a step back and you will realize that the whole rationale of being in a relationship anyway
is to know and cherish someone besides your own, lone, self. May we go further to suggest it is sometimes a good idea to indulge in a bit of flattery and express your complete
enthrallment in the little quirks and qualities of your partner, such as in the statement "I love the way you drive that car!" Even if you don't. If we go by the book, the author of Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus asserts the primary need of women as the need to feel cherished (as opposed to the primary need of men, which is to
feel...needed). Being vocal about your appreciation arouses a sense of self-affirmation in your partner, which encourages her to participate in the relationship with
more totality-of-being when she knows she is valued not just for how she relates to you, but for who she basically is.

The third and highest degree of understanding is empathy: to put yourself in the other's place so that you see from her point of view. Empathy is perhaps the strongest sustaining
force in long-term relationships. It works like a mirror in which you see two people - yourself and your partner. When you are incidentally affected by any circumstance, you immediately tilt the mirror to see how your partner feels. When it is your partner being affected, you tilt the mirror back to picture yourself in that very situation. In a way, empathy reconciles the distance between two self-centers.

For the lucky few who transcend all these stages of understanding simply by virtue of being willing, they find that love does not die out, but is resurrected in its
final and everlasting form so that when they look back upon the first few days of being together, they realize that love really is what they have now.