Waterfalls

To:preety@logixpro.com

cc:

Subject:Torn

Preety,

By the time you get this letter, you would have come back from your trip to Michigan and I would be gone on my trip to Seattle. Oddly enough, ours seems to be a story of comings and goings. Of the nine weeks that we have known each other, six of those either you were out of town or I was. Yet despite our crazy lifestyles, we have managed to go the distance and I cannot help but feel very happy that I met you in the first place.

While this is not my first relationship (as I have not been shy to admit) ours has been a unique and in many ways an amazing relationship. Ever since I spoke with you over the phone, I have experienced many things. I have been charmed by your conversations, mesmerized by your eyes, fascinated by your literary taste, impressed by your intellect and bemused by your courage to make it to USA all by yourself. You certainly have left an indelible mark on me, that too in only two months. And I want to hold on. Yet if there is one word I can think of that can describe my state of mind, it is "torn". I have struggled. Time and again I found myself asking this question, why can I not make up my mind despite the fact that I am so badly smitten? Every one of those times I found myself at loss. Maybe I have a fear of commitment. Maybe I am scared to settle down (I suppose years of living life as a single could do this to you). I don't know. All I know is that every time I think about future, I freeze and my mind goes into this state of blank haze like a deer caught in headlights.

I have decided to tell you this because you deserve to know. And I am telling you all this without even knowing what your thoughts are. I am sure you have given a lot of thought to this matter. After all, this matters to you as much as it matters to me.

So, with a part of me screaming at the top of its voice that I will regret this move, I have decided to tell you that I am not sure what lies ahead. And since these are delicate matters, I suggest we should not run any further at this break-neck pace into the land of comfort and familiarization before it is too late to retreat. In fact as much as I don't want to say it, I think you should evaluate other options. In the meantime I will struggle to battle with my issues.

I have not met anyone like you and probably will never meet for the rest of my life. You are a fabulous person and it is unfortunate that we can't be together, but I hope that you do not throw away the friendship that we have developed. I want you to know that our friendship is dear to me and I hope that you find heart to forgive a confused soul who does not know what is good for him.

-Tom

To: tomh@netex.com

cc:

Subject:Torn? Glue yourself together

Dear Tommy Boy,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Thanks for your very honest and open missive. Believe me, I appreciate people who are honest about their feelings. Like you, at various points in our relationship, I have harbored doubts about where we were headed, and whether we should be headed there. Physical chemistry does not mean that two people are right for each other. And yes, I have wondered at times whether you were mature enough for marriage.

I share your feeling that we were rushing headlong into something that neither of us were prepared for. In fact, I can't believe that I got so involved that I totally forgot myself and some of my self-imposed restrictions and principles. I haven't become this involved with any of the guys I have talked to here. Usually, all it involves is a lot of phone conversation, and very rarely, one or two meetings. On the other hand, I have done things with you, which when I thought about later in saner moments, made me cringe. After that fateful Sunday, I kept thinking that we should cool it off before we end up doing something that I would regret later. The sort of intimacy we shared might not mean anything to you, but to me it does. At the risk of sounding old-fashioned, I intend to "save" myself for my future husband.

I do have a question for you. If you knew that you were not ready to commit, then why did you pursue me? If you had told me about your doubts at the beginning, this could have been prevented. And if you think there's nothing wrong with that, don't bother answering that question. Sometimes I wonder if you know the meaning of true love, despite all the relationships you've had, and the romantic shayaaris you quote. I admit that I was angry at the arbitrary and impersonal way you decided to let me know, but I can't find it in my heart to sustain that anger. In spite of everything, I still care about you, and I do hope that you will be happy.

In my humble opinion, you should wait a few years and then go back to India and marry a "gaon ki chori" :). I don't think you'd be happy married to an ABCD, or even someone who's been here for a while. Okay, no more unsolicited advice.

Thanks for all the kind things you wrote about me. I was thinking of what it was about you that really attracted me. The first time I met you, I confess that I did not really feel anything. What got me was those funny messages you left on my voice mail. I just loved your sense of humor. You're a nice guy, if a little immature, and dare I say it, more than a tad bit selfish. You are very intelligent, and you have a brilliant future ahead of you. And then there's that cute smile, and the dreamy eyes, and the poetic soul.

Don't know if you'd be interested in knowing this, but I did accept the job at e-chip.com. They upped the number of options a bit. I was thinking about what I am going to do with my savings. I want to buy that Corvette which I have always been craving, but my friends are telling me to invest in a condo since I have enough for the down payment now. Tough choice, huh?

I guess we could still remain friends. After all, we do have a lot more in common than just chemistry. What I don't understand is why you felt like a deer caught in the headlights. The whole purpose of talking to someone is to find out if you are compatible with that person or not. There was never any obligation on either of us to do something we were not comfortable with. You are, and always were, a free bird, Daddy-O. Fly away, birdie.

"We were just two ships passing in the night, briefly interlocking oars, but eventually sailing on to our respective ports of call. Our brief interlude together seems so surreal now, almost unreal. Did it really happen, or was it just a dream ...."

"The moving finger writes

and having writ,

the finger moves on ...."

Farewell, Stranger.