Farzana Versey January 20, 2002

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href="/tag/India">India wants the 20 terrorists from Pakistan, they should hand over Balasaheb Thackeray, the Shiv Sena chief, for his role in the Bombay riots.

Why do I think it is a good idea? Because I believe this man is an absolute nuisance in a city like Mumbai. Here we were having perfectly good fun jumping over open sewers, sweating from depilated armpits, spraying Chanel No. 5 on all available pulse points; it was a pretty uncomplicated life behind bars and bars, when this man decided we must start fantasising about a historical character on a horse at airports and railway terminals and eat at subsidised stalls selling something that looked like it had been excreted in an inspired moment. For him this was what he meant by our heritage.

For god’s sake, this man? He smokes a pipe and has a nifty humidor for his cigar collection, he likes beer and some French wine, and he is asking us to douse ourselves with kerosene when we’d rather burn with passion. But guess what? His appeal worked. He got into a saffron tunic and, yippee, we had a man made in heaven. He got his boys to wear skullcaps dyed saffron and run amok trailing in trucks and making a mess of the city traffic.

The Shivaji Park maidan became an open toilet for his followers during his public meetings, and each time he made a reference to the Muslim male, which is often, they would make a run for it. I have yet to see a political leader rise so high on account of such talk. But then, there are kinds and kinds of men.

The legitimisation of Balasaheb has been a slow but sure process. They say we at least know how his mind works. But we would be doing a disservice by elevating such foul-mouthed openness into a patriotic credo. Patriotism is an attractive proposition as it gives power without responsibility, the privilege of the harlot. He works at two levels: The devil who slithers over our baser instincts and as the Prof Higgins giving the Eliza Doolittles their first lesson in fundamentalism. His confidence makes people believe he is right.

When he was disenfranchised for a short period, they said it was a triumph of justice, but that is not what he wanted. He would not dare face an election, because even the remote possibility of eating crow is frightening. He has always coveted the role of a martyr- revolutionary. “We are not for power, power is for us.” He has taken the easy way out for asserting selfhood by abusing others. People are afraid. So they say he is impressive. They call his invectives “clarity” and his empty challenges are lauded as “dum hai”. But would he be in a position to go around without security guards, live in a cave? In July 2000, I had written, “He is always reacting. He is not his own person. If he were, then he would be in a position to meet me alone, without cops, without party workers, without henchmen at a time and place I choose. The only weapon I will carry could be a mind. Will the big cat bite the bait?”

Expectedly, the Pakistani comment has met with anger in the Sena cadres with one of their ministers saying, “even if they give up their sinister designs in Kashmir and hand over the entire Pakistan to us, we are not going to give them Balasaheb.” Oh, we know that. He is the only reason many of them are still managing to plant trees and stopping couples from kissing and banning Valentine’s Day celebrations to protect our fragile culture.

Another one said, “Our demand is for the exchange of criminals and not any leader. This shows the Pak minister’s ignorance.” I am not aware of Mr. Ashraf’s general knowledge, but it would be interesting to see how the people of India view this. Whenever there has been a move to justify the Hindutva philosophy, they have stated that the BJP is not like the Shiv Sena, which is seen as goonda raj. How will they respond now? Can a leader not be a criminal?

In which country do party workers go in their underwear to protest against a film star, who happens to be Muslim? In which country does a leader raise slogans against a section of the population because its male members are circumcised? In which country does a leader ask his workers to dig up a cricket pitch? In which country that claims to want to go back to its roots does a leader make distasteful comments about women in the Opposition (Sonia and Priyanka) saying they were using their feminine charms to keep Congressmen tethered?

Populist appeal is often seen as a yardstick of great leadership. So, can he be seen as a version of Mahatma Gandhi? If the latter got people to clean toilets, Thackeray’s USP is that he allows people to drop little turd pellets all over the place. He gives the impression of leading from the front when he is safely ensconced in his den, a caricature sitting in a maharaja chair with the picture of a tiger behind him; I have not been able to understand this silly animal metaphor, considering that the Sena’s party symbol is the bow-and-arrow.

What is Thackeray roaring about? He has no locus standi outside the state, and I would be surprised if anyone from the central government objected to Mr. Ashraf’s statement.

What is our definition of a terrorist? One who spreads terror, often by means of coercion. “Hanuman was the first terrorist who burnt down Ravana’s kingdom in Lanka. If Shivaji was not a guerilla warrior, then what was he? In the last century, from Bhindranwale to Prabhakaran – all have been terrorists.” This is from an editorial in the Hindi magazine ‘Hans’. It has also named the leaders of the Sangh Parivar and Thackeray.

If Arafat is a terrorist because his people pelt stones, then that is what Thackeray’s boys do. If jihad is considered religious terrorism, then it was Thackeray who took the maha-artis out in the streets. If the Taliban brought down the Bamiyan statues, Thackeray has been instrumental in the fall of the Babri mosque. If Laden masterminded an attack on capitalist strongholds and took innocent lives, so has Thackeray. If underworld dons force film stars/singers to perform and do their bidding, then Thackeray does the same. If some countries have made apartheid and racism their credo, Thackeray has always had problems with immigrants coming into Mumbai. In the sixties, the Sena would go around ripping the hemlines of the skirts of Christian and Parsi women; they have had a problem with Gujaratis, South Indians, Bengalis, everyone. And he does that in the name of national pride. It was Tagore who said, “Neither the colourless vagueness of cosmopolitanism nor the fierce idolatory of nation worship is the goal of human history.”

Today, they are saying that Thackeray was right all along when he said that Pakistan was shielding terrorists. This will be the re-legitimisation of the man who can stay in the country and be a separatist. I have called Thackeray a separatist because he is extra constitutional. As a culture fascist he seems to have appropriated the right to be straightforward. This man can say that he admires Hitler, who was responsible for the worst-ever Holocaust, and it is accepted as his personal opinion.

When it suits him, he sucks up to foreign powers, be it ENRON or Michael Jackson; in a shameless move the media was given this prize bit of information – that Jacko used Balasaheb’s loo, as though by doing so the Sena leader was being blessed. When it suits him, the man who was all for TADA, had no problems pronouncing Sunjay Dutt a nice boy, when there is still a case pending against him. When it suits him, he flaunts his Muslim driver and Muslim hair-stylist.

Industry bigwigs make it to his house to get his ‘blessings’. Everyone knows the price. He has talked against dynastic rule, but his never-heard-of son is in the reckoning and his nephew goes around like a mini nawab saab, with police escorts. His daughter-in-law has managed to get into some of the top social organisations and heads the film producer’s body after making just one film…a scandal in an ordinary family is not considered so in the first family of Mumbai. He runs a mafia where the police, slumlords, and even criminals all work in tandem to make the city into a joke. This is ‘The Godfather’ revisited.

If nothing else, with Thackeray around, Pakistan will at least make better films.