Book: My Feudal Lord

Author: Tehmina Durrani
Publisher: Apt Books, Inc. 1991

I have just finished reading My Feudal Lord (I believe there is an Urdu version too called, 'MaiDa Sa`eeN'?)--which I read straight thru` not sleeping at night!!--and I found it a fascinating book but also it left me with mixed emotions and ambivalent feelings.

Although Khar came across as a despicable and evil man--the scene where he rapes her in prison after she has had uterus operation!; the scene where he forces her to strip naked after beating her like an animal and call her parents; the scene where he forcibly ducks his little girls head in the bath water...etc.--but he is probably no more or less evil than many of the other politicians/waderas in his position. That in itself is a scary thought...

Though Khar was evil and utterly despicable yet Tehmina also came across as either incredibly naive--she left him and came back to him 4 times despite his constant battering of her!--or as a greedy, insecure woman who actually wanted the attention which he got her in the press and in the high-society of Pakistan. As Mrs Khar she was something and it seemed to me that she couldn`t let go of the high-life...

Having said that the strictures on women in our culture are manifold and on women from the wadera class are magnified; they live in guilded prisons whereas I think given her own liberal and affluent background she was by her nature a bird which would not be happy caged; and of course, Khar`s mercilesss mental and physical torture terrified and I think broke her will somewhat.

In many ways I think the villain of the piece was apart from Khar, the feudal system itself and the hypocrisy of Pakistani society and also, in particular, her beautiful younger sister, Adila--what a bitch! (Though if we consider that he first seduced her when she was only 13, it is possible that this would have had a deep psychological effect on her subsequent life..). Tehmina`s mother also did not come across well although her grandmother did as did her father.

This book was in many ways a brave book too because despite her own priveleged position--coming from one of Pakistan`s most influential aristocratic families--(which allowed her the luxury of knowing that people would read about her life; obviously if she had been a poor working class girl no one would want to read her book)--she writes candidly about quite a lot of things which were an eye-opener for me about how our 'elite society' lives. She candidly admits to having illicit sex with Khar while she was still married (to the poor guy Anees) and also that she drank wine etc. Her sister also seemed a bit of a slut sleeping around with loads of guys...

I think it would be revealing if a third-person, an academic, was to write a critical biography of her with Khar as it would be more balanced but still this is a fascinating social study.

Finally Khar should be killed for being a traitor--he was actively trying to defeat Pakistan`s army with Indian help just so he could regain political power. And this book makes it so clear that for these feudals their own personal well-being comes well before that of the country...

Overall a book definitely worth reading!