The Nightingale’s Feather!

He staggered and stumbled over the chair. The pain was sweet and came as a catharsis to his derisive anguish. It came as a salvation, his nirvana, a balm to his injured soul. He saw the blood ooze out from the depths of his arm; it was as if he owed her some of it. He squeezed his arm; he wanted to squeeze her out of his veins. The blood was not stopping...just like the thunderous rain outside, had he cut his vein? He dreaded... he regretted what he had just done... He regretted what he had just thought! He saw the mist thickening in the room. The world caved onto him. The sound of thunder faded. He smelt blood; through the thick nebula of memories he saw random lines and incomplete words dancing all around him. He suddenly felt as if weightless, drifting into the abyss of oblivion. And then Darkness subdued his vision.

He woke in her arms. She was still sleeping. He looked at her radiant white face and those luscious blue eyes through the veil of the veneer skin over them. It can’t be so real, so lucid. Was he even awake? He asked himself. He could feel her warm breath softly flow over his body; like opal waters flowing over the bed of stolid pebbles. It was the best moment he would ever encounter in his life, he assured himself. Slowly he raised his hand and caressed her milky forehead, and softly kissed her closed eyes, afraid to wake her. Then he lay down and closed his eyes again. If I drop dead right now I’d be the happiest man alive, he thought. He smiled at what he had just thought.

“Wake up wake up o my dreams
Wake up so I go asleep
Wake up and give me her smile
Wake up and let me see her face shining in the twilight like a moon
let me see what the wet corners of her shivering eyes veil
let me know what her trembling lips reveal
tell me what she has to say
let me see her night and day
let me see her through the haze of love and passion
let my sins now make confession
wake up so i go asleep
for it is only you who give the veins of my life, blood
for if it were not of you o dreams!
I would have died the day I saw not of her
but there is just one thing I’ve got against you all
just one thing where you all fail
You’re not real... you’re not real”

...and he slept again.

They were both flying towards each other. The nightingale had the same zeal and verve in its luminous blue eyes as did he. With the soft and rhythmic clicking of the clock their distances abated. The sky was changing its colour. He saw it slowly change to red from blue. A wind rose from the west, and quickly transformed itself into a violent whirlpool; thick with dust, breaking the amorous silence with its shrill shrieking. They were both reeling and twirling with their arms stretched out towards each other; unable to make them meet. The sky changed from red to dark brown. Suddenly, from the depths of nothingness appeared an enormous black crow; flapping its wings to stimulate the whirlpool. In its large and energetic pawns it clenched the lovely little bird and made its way out of the whirlpool, disappearing behind the wall of dust. Suddenly, a cry broke out, like a fire alarm. The whirlpool died. He was falling. Death was the only thing in sight. From naught a feather came drifting into the scene. He plunged and grasped it tightly, as if it were a parachute. But it was but a dusty and tattered nightingale feather. He shut his eyes tightly... never to open them again.

He jerked his eyes open. He was soaking with sweat and panting for breath. The alarm was exasperating his nerves. He picked up the clock from the side table and threw it out of the open window into the twilight. ‘Could he have had a worse nightmare,’ he thought. He looked out of the window. The sun was about to wake up. “Man... what a way to start a day.” He sighed coldly. Rachel was still soundly sleeping, despite the noise the alarm had made, while he went out of the room to prepare the breakfast.

The doorbell rang just as he was about to take the omelet off the stove. He reached for the door and opened it. It was Nathan, his roommate.
“Hi nick... howdy?” he walked in.
“Hey Nathan... you back from your house so soon? Wait!!!” he must not see him with Rachel. He came in his way with a befuddled smile on his face.
“What?” Nathan inquired raising an eyebrow and smiled. “Didn’t want me to come back?”
“No... Absolutely not... well...good...welcome back.” He coerced a large smile onto his face.
“Now if you would let me go into my room I can use a shower. Man! I have had a long journey and im dead tired.”
“Sure... Sure it was just... it was just that we need some eggs for the breakfast and I thought if you might fetch some from the market please.” God!!! This had to work. “In the meanwhile I prepare the rest. You do want to eat don’t you.” He added quickly.
“Okay... in fact I’ll be dead in an hour if I didn’t get something to eat; I’ll be back in a min.” Nathan said, opened the door and walked into the bright daylight.
“Thank you lord, thank you” Nicholas spewed out to the skies and rushed into the room to bid Rachel goodbye.


“It was wonderful... the night... thanks for everything darling,” she said before jumping out of the window. Her voice was still in dreams; serene as a deep sea.
“You are everything... thank you for you.” He smiled. “And wait...listen... I’ll be gone... meeting my parents today. I’ll come back in a couple of days. And when I do come back I’ll have a surprise for you.” His smile broadened.
“I’ll be waiting for you honey, bye for then.” She jumped out. The mischievous smile on his face was incessant. Tonight would be my night, he thought. The doorbell cried again.

* * *

“Hand me the apple jam.” Nathan said.
“Don’t change the subject Nathan!” Nicholas whined, and placed the bottle in front of him with a little thud.
“So what is the big subject?”
“Catherine... for God’s sake... Im talking about her. Can’t you feel love surging in her eyes, cant you sense the urge in her voice... you know what... she has confessed this to me that she loves you madly and wants you to do the same.”
“Did she say that, when?” It came as a surprise to Nathan.
“Yesterday... at the collage party. Now when someone is finally trying to be sincere with you, why don’t you respect your luck?”
“Well as if I care about someone being sincere. I don’t want anyone.”
“What do you mean you don’t want?”
“What I actually meant was that I don’t want anyone. Is that clear enough? Now please let me eat; will you?”... “God damn it”, he added under his lips.
“She is such a nice and pretty lady. She deserves to be happy. What the hell is wrong with you man?”
“If she is such a nice lady,” Nathan pushed his chair back and stood up. “Go make her happy.” He walked away towards his room. “I don’t give a damn.” He said before banging the door close behind him.
Nicholas dumped his slice into the plate. “Bastard!!!” he hissed.

“What did he say?” She said in a low, anxious, and shy cadence.
“Ahh nothing special, he was... he was just a bit confused and I presume that’s natural. Let’s give him a little time to think.” He wore a smile. “Ohh... I think we should order now or the waiter is gonna kill us with his stares... shouldn’t we?
“Yeah we should.” There was a soft grin on her face.
God damn Nathan, ive never seen a bigger fool.

It had started to drizzle when they came out of the restaurant.
“How’s it with Rachel, she’s a lucky one.” She mocked with a wry smile.
“Ahh its like heaven’s smiling upon me.” He opened his arms to the moist skies. There was a short silence.
“How does it feel like?” she asked as they sauntered onto the curb. Catherine wore the hood of her coat over her hair. Maybe she was afraid of the rain, thought Nicholas.
“It’s like never before, like im whole at last. I wonder how I lived without her. One day im going to write a song to express myself. She has just been everything to me, and you know what... im gon’na propose her tonight.
“Really!!”
“Really.”
They walked into the parking lot.

“So what was it you were saying about proposing Rachel?” She broached the subject again as she hit the road.
“Well I’ll make it a dream come true. I’ll surprise her. I bet she would be as happy as I am. And then maybe we get married soon and guess what...”
“What.”
“You’d be our best man.” He pointed at her with his finger briskly.
“That might be a bit difficult for me.” She laughed aloud.

Is Nicholas hiding something from me? I hope not. Why did Nathan want time to think? What is it he is thinking? Would he accept me? Would he love me? She felt as if unprotected against the rain. She drove slowly, not wanting Nicholas to leave her even more unprotected.

Her fingers would look more beautiful and complete with the ring on them, my ring. He thought. The rain metrically fell on the car roof, and danced on the windscreen. The lights of the city shone his heart like never before. The air in its wet arms had a novel freshness and excitement. His stomach felt queasy.
Can’t she drive a bit faster? He thought.

* * *

“So where do I leave you, your house or Rachel’s.” She said with a jesting smile.
“I’ll have to stop at my place. After all I don’t want the money I spent on buying a ring for her go waste.” And she turned the wheels.
In about 15 minutes they were both at Rachel’s place.
“ok you go now.” Catherine smiled winking her eye.
Nah, I want you to come as well. After all I want someone to believe when I tell about me purposing Rachel.
“You sure?”
“Confident.” He smiled back.

The front door to the apartment was open so they came straight in. He opened the door to Rachel’s room and he regretted this for all what had to come of his life.

The fear of his dreams dawned before his naked eyes. A cold wave of wild chagrined nausea swept through him. In front of him were his two most trusted friends Nathan and Rachel lying au-natural in each other’s arms… deep asleep. He felt the same whirlpool in his head as he did in his dream. His benumbed eyes saw his nightingale in the clenched fist of the crow.

With the ugly diamond ring his world fell flat onto his feet and crashed as if of glass. He crushed his lips together and averted his face away from reality. He looked into the red eyes of Catharine for a moment before running past them.

He ran as if his life was meant for running. His mind was blank, not a single thought; his face was cold, not a single emotion. The rain had grown stronger and heavier. He slipped twice but he won’t stop at anything. He ran and ran till he found himself in the kitchen of his apartment; wet with sweat and rain. On the table he saw a knife... the knife...

* * *

“Rachel!!!” He opened his eyelids apart, but the mist was still there.
“No its Catharine." he heard a feeble voice and it all came back to him.
“Is this heaven.” he tried to rise, impulsively.
“Calm down Nicholas, this is a hospital; you are even weaker than me… aren’t you?" she said after a pause. He saw a face shining in the haze. He stretched his hands out and grabbed it tight. She broke onto him; pieces to pieces. He hissed her name and kissed her on her brow. He grabbed his nightingale’s feather with his bandaged arm, never to leave it again.

In that brief spasm of realisation, he found himself undead at last.