(God steps into the classroom for the last class of the semester and walks quietly to the blackboard. The TA, Gabe, hands him a piece of chalk and God begins to scrawl in really bad handwriting)

“A raid on the inarticulate” – T. S. Eliot.

(After clearing his throat he sips a cup of what looks like water and starts to speak with the utmost clarity and understanding.)

God: One is no longer disposed to say it. And so each venture
Is a new beginning, a raid on the inarticulate
With shabby equipment always deteriorating
In the general mess of imprecision of feeling,
Undisciplined squads of emotion.

Nice work T… I was very impressed with this.
(T.S. Eliot blushes but fails to make eye contact as he nods in agreement)

T.S: Thanks boss… I was young and intellectually vibrant and…

God: Shut up T! Let’s not get carried away.
(After washing his throat down with some more water he starts again)
It is perpetual and rising. The believers become simpler to understand while thinkers become incomprehensible. The interface is lost. Where does one stand if one does not believe in tradition? On a pedestal of immorality as perceived by the masses. The question is where does the interface lie? How do the enlightened explain their enlightenment? This has been the most troubling issue in the history of mankind’s existence. The enlightened can never be truly understood by the masses. What is the easiest way to impart knowledge? The use of allegorical explanations only further refracts the knowledge giving it a tinge of supernatural. How does one do it then?
How did you do it Plato? With your beliefs so distinct from the norm. How did you get them to understand? And you Jesus… what say you? Surely the “son” of God had the answer to this obscure question. How did your enlightenment induced teachings become a traditional belief… a religion? You Mohamed… how did it really feel like living amongst nomadic dullards? It must have been an atrociously uphill task. They practically asked you how to live their lives, eat their food, cleanse their bodies and souls, and wipe their ass. That must have been tedious and irritating. What patience you must have had. Sorry to put you through such mayhem but it was a daunting task and someone had to do it. You guys have all done well in restricting mayhem.

And don’t think I’m not going to mention you Einstein, Hawking, Darwin, and Weinberg. Just because you’re shying away in the distance doesn’t mean I won’t pick on you back benchers.
(the scientists shuffle in their seats as they feel targeted. God is seems distracted and signals a waving empty cup to Jesus).
Jesus! Son, could you grab me another cup of water? And please no magic tricks.
(Jesus walks to the front of the class and hands him a cup of “water” on his way back to his seat he glares at God notices the striking similarities in physical attributes). And please get a haircut! The grunge thing went out a long time ago. (Jesus nods in agreement while, the class erupts in laughter).

The results of your final exam are in.
(God rummages through some papers while the TA Gabe helps him hand them out).
Jews! Raise your hand Jews now don’t be shy. You almost got it guys. At the start of the class you showed promise... what happened? (He shakes his head while the Jews collect their exams all with a failing grade written in red)
Christians! Where are you Christians? Jesus, son, please hand the rest of these out (he hands Jesus the papers). Again I had great expectations but you digressed... I mean that rumor about Mary and I was just too much ( Mary blushes as the class erupts in a synchronized "woo" sound. Gabe quickly gestures them to cut it out. God continues.).
Muslims! (God looks up angrily as Muslims raise their hands). Please see me at the end of class
(he points angrily at the bearded bunch)! What were you guys thinking? Mohamed… please see to it that they show up (God takes a swig of the water and shakes his head again in frustration). Why oh why did you have to use violence? The beheadings and bombings! What did you expect? “Sarkar Khus ho ga?” (in a Gabbar-like way). Collect your papers please and Gabe… watch out for paper cuts.

Pagans, Hindus, Buddhists, drunken Fire Worshippers, Spiritualists, Gandhi, Dr. King, Mandela, Buddha, drug influenced Sufis and stoners please collect your papers… You guys just took it to the next level man. If you had spent more time studying rather than meditating and getting stoned you might have passed… Peace out!
(They all get up, collect their papers and as they leave as God gives them the peace sign. Everyone has left but the last group of people. God calls them to the front of the class).

Al Einstein, Steve Hawking, Fred Nietzsche, Mirza Ghalib, Sagan, Chuck Darwin, Weinberg, Bill Shakespeare, and the rest of the Atheists and Freethinkers… I didn’t expect this but you guys have passed with flying colors… good job! Is it a coincidence that you are all geniuses? No! To truly understand existence one should break away from religion and tradition and most importantly… Me. You probably had it most difficult of all since you didn’t rely on the basis of yours truly. Allegorical tales are surely beneath you… not your cup of tea. You can’t really turn water into wine to grab attention (takes another gulp from the cup).
So what is your miracle? Because quantum mechanics and theory of natural selection is… is quiet boring to be honest. Boring… they won’t understand you that way. They still believe in a virgin birth, divine intervention, Adam and Eve, angels, demons, hell, and heaven. How do you shatter faith and tradition with science? Stephen… on your website you have warnings on lectures on your website stating that a minimal college-level physics background is required even to read and comprehend your material. What arrogance! You guys are the most misunderstood. The ones that are closest to the answer of existence are considered infidels… ha! What irony.

So where is the interface? Within you my friends… within you. Patience is the key. Explain it to them slowly; their minds are feeble and fragile. Their inability to understand science is their liability. Religion is the virus and you are the antidotes. Commercialize yourself and find the interface and for the love of Physics… don’t make this into a religion! I’ve had enough of angels and demons during this human existence. Physics will guide you through the right path. Physics the merciful, the beneficial all knowing, ultimate truth. Morality can be taught without using “God” in the equation. He doesn’t exist! You know that… don’t misuse your mind. I’m sure you won’t need Gabe or God’s assistance any further (Gabe disappears in a puff of smoke).

Scientists, freethinkers, and artists please work together you will need each other. Use what you have learned in this class and I wish you good luck
(Physics puts on his shades… grabs his keys and leaves the class).