The institution of marriage is a wonderful aspect of humanity in that it not only unites a man and a woman in a bond that is holy on various levels, but on the macro-level, it unites the entire world in uniformly recognizing this common experience as legitimate, regardless of race, ethnicity and faith. It is also an interesting phenomenon as there are a vast variety of ways that the marriage ceremony is conducted, depending greatly on the culture and customs of the people involved. Given this fact, pulling the flawless wedding may seem like a feat, however, finding the right person is usually the actual challenge, and is becoming ever more so.

It was, of course, not always like that; the classical “arranged marriages” of apparent matches “on paper” may be dreaded in this day and age, but have – retrospectively, in some cases – proven to be more functional, in terms of statistics and not necessarily as per subjective definitions of the word. This systematic approach is now commonly accepted as antiquated and only practiced by cultures or societies that have not permeated into modernity. The contemporary approach becoming increasingly popular of finding the right person espouses autonomy, but unfortunately, does not have the same influence on the involved mentalities, in general.

In their quest to get married, aside those few who bluntly talk through their hormones, most bachelors will regurgitate the socially-acceptable rhetoric of finding the “traditional good girl”. What they fail to mention is that below the tip of the iceberg lies an enormous list of demands that are to be met before these young stallions will grace the girl with their being.

Perhaps it is the subconscious realization that not all is halal with their demands that forces the bachelors to not be too publicly explicit about them, but these demands are simply echoes of the same materialistic mentality that is plaguing all communities in modern societies; the competition has transcended beyond battling for the biggest house in the richest neighbourhood and the most expensive car to now getting a trophy for a wife. The demands begin from the girl being of fair complexion (often interchangeable with beauty) and possessing wealth and education to being of more specific nature, such as the exact height and being “thin as a pin”, as one young man once confessed to me. One cannot help but wonder what these men are seeing when they look in the mirror, as these demands are often notwithstanding their own looks (for better or for worse whatever the Creator blessed them with), lack of education and background.

At the same time, it seems the more educated bachelorettes are getting, the more their minds are becoming narrow. Many are living in a technicolour dreamworld in which a handsome young Prince Charming – or Hero Shahrukh Khan, as the case may be – will enter into their life dressed fashionably with bulging biceps and an aromatic presence that will command respect from all, driving a car that is worth more than the entire GNP of certain countries, and a juicy post-grad degree lying in the backseat. Naturally one cannot forget, as one girl once told one of my buddies, that it is absolutely imperative that the prospective bachelor’s wages be higher than her own. And again, just like the bachelors, all these demands may be in spite of their own looks, education, etc.

Having such requirements is not something restricted to only those embroiled in irreligiosity; many overtly-religious individuals share the same demands. I personally know of bearded men whose lives consist of virtually worshipping the Prophet by believing and acting upon unconfirmed tales, but when it comes to materialism, they will forget the simplicity of the Prophet Muhammad (saw) and will have nothing less than the “white, blonde-haired, blue-eyed Hoor-on-Earth”, either for themselves or for their sons. These very men may preach about Hadith ad nauseum, yet seemingly – and conveniently – forget the Prophet (saw)’s advice to the believers on what to look for when searching for a wife:

“A woman is married for four things - her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman otherwise you will be a loser.” (Reported in Al-Bukhari).

Some may claim they are adhering to the advice, but are being dishonest with themselves, in actual fact. Similarly, there are women enveloped in the outward form of modesty that follow the same pattern and look for the trophy man or son-in-law for their daughters.

Then again, an actuality not always recognized is that growing a beard or donning hijab/niqab does not necessarily increase piety nor diminish materialistic desires. Unfortunately for most of the men, ‘she’ will remain in their dreams – undoubtedly causing increased possibility of precipitation in that domain. The women might have to stick to reading sappy, romantic novels or watching films to see ‘him’.

If a few are actually fortunate in landing the hunk or chiquita of their dreams, due to the largely superficial foundation of their demands, the associated fantastical expectations might get completely quashed by the reality of day-to-day life. That very reality establishes that cheap mentality will invariably get cheap results – as the high divorce rate would indicate.