"I never believed, but it's true, my God, they wipe their bottoms with paper only!�
- Amina Sinai, Midnight’s Children.



A genius of an inventor, who is unfortunately unknown, has invented what is most probably the most significant invention since the Atom bomb – the Jet

And just like the A bomb, The Jet will change the way whole nations function.
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I was house hunting in Gurgaon (a suburb of Delhi) a couple of months back when I first came across it.

“Sirjee, the flat has full power back-up; 24 hours a week, 7 days a week, 12 mo…�

“Haan, haan but how much?�

“Um, 14, 500 rupees, Sirjee �

“Too much, boss. I told you my budget is max till 10 grand�

“Arre Sir, par the flat is so good. Garden hain, lift hain, bathroom mein jet hain…�

“Jet? Kya jet? Bathroom mei jet hai? Kya matlab?�

Although the rent was well out of my budget but there’s something about the human brain which makes one terribly curious when one hears the words “bathroom mein jet hain�. So I asked the agent to show me.
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It was rather unremarkable in appearance. All it consisted of was a nozzle attached to the back of the pot. After you finish your business turn on the tap beside the pot and it shoots a jet of water at your … well, you get the idea.

What’s truly remarkable about the Jet is that it represents progress in a field that has remained stagnant ever since the beginning of civilisation.

Today everything is done for us, automatically by technology. We fly in airplanes instead of walking. Computers do our calculations for us and even check our spellings. Missiles fired at the touch of a button can kill and maim people a thousand miles away. The Internet brings us porn from around the world to satiate our lust at the click of a mouse.

Yet, in the matter of morning ablutions, we are stuck in the stone ages. It’s as if we’ve, er, washed our hands of the matter.

But things will no doubt change with the introduction of the Jet. Now washing up afterwards will also be done automatically just like the rest of the day’s tasks.

All you have to do is turn on the tap controlling the Jet and maybe just shift a bit, you know, to get the aim spot-on, and walaa! you’re done and on your way to a wonderful day without…umm… even lifting a finger.

And what’s more, although modern India would disappoint Gandhiji in many ways, at least he’ll be happy knowing that millions of his countrymen are getting instant enemas.
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Note: I did not take that flat in the end and unfortunately ended up with a flat with a rather prosaic and normal toilet.