A cat jumped through my window,

landed on my bed.

Sat and looked through all the things

hanging from the head.

It pawed through my undies

snorted at my bra,

never had I seen a cat

so very la de la.



I tried to walk towards it,

found my feet stuck to the ground,

streaks of colour blinded me,

the room spun round and round.



When the roaring sounds receded

and my eyes could see again,

the cat was on the toilet seat,

playing with the chain.



As I asked my silent questions

the cat glanced up and smiled,

"friend", it said most graciously,

"give me a little while.

I swear I'll tell you presently

why i am here today.

I'll tell you all you want to know,

for now just let me play."



I watched with open mouth as

the cat went through my shoes,

dug through my clothes and tore the stuff

I'd saved for fancy do's.



It posed for me in velvet,

and asked me what i thought.

It said it read me clearly,

through the crap that I had bought.



"Basically", it said to me,

"you're nothing but a slob.

Just an earthworm all in fancy dress,

a loser with no job."



"You sit at home and paint your nails,

then drink till you pass out.

Tequila burns, your stomach turns,

you prefer it to self-doubt."



"The problem with you shandy",

spat the cat with gleaming eyes,

"is you've turned into the very thing

you once claimed you despised.



You stare at me with pregnant eyes

as if you've seen a ghost,

the flies are breeding in your mouth,

your brains like soggy toast."



"Perhaps I am a ghoul", it said,

"or the shape beneath the bed.

Perhaps i am the hand behind

the voices in your head."



"Then again", the creature said,

"perhaps I'm just a cat.

Perhaps you're just a creature too,

Neither this nor that."



"That's it ", said cat

"that's all you are

flesh with bits of bone,

and fragrant lies duct taping you

to your imaginary throne."



"So you see, said cat to me

I only came to gloat.

And to tell you that you chances of

succeeding are remote."



With these last words it lit a fag

and smoked in seeming peace.

And I? I searched for mental fish,

this demon to appease.



But my mind was just a murky pond

covered in green scum.

I looked in it and recognised

the thing I had become.



"Now I'm done." the creature said

getting to its feet,

sniffing delicately at the

wet spot on the sheets.



The cat jumped through the window,

back from whence it came,

and I wished with all my blackened heart

it would never come again.



And rushing to my window I

was just in time to see,

the cat that I was cursing so

go SPLAT against a tree.



"Twas strutting 'cross the road"

said a witness at the scene,

"when a giant hand materialised

and whacked it with a beam."



I sucked my toe and watched the thing,

go "drip drip" down down the tree.

I sucked and thought of all the things

that bitch had done to me.



And now when some men have the cheek

to ask what i've become,

I simply smile angelically and say

"f--- off"