Somebody’s Done For

Dear Diary,

I wonder what Sylvia Plath meant when she said in ‘Three Women’:
‘It is a terrible thing
To be so open: it is as if my heart
Put on a face and walked into the world.’

Dear Diary,
It is past midnight and as usual I am alone in my room. Come to think if it, I am alone in this whole house, this whole world, this whole universe. Have you ever wondered how vast this universe is? I have. It is not as vast as my heart. My heart is like a Black Hole – it plunges into infinity. I am sleepy. I think I will go to sleep. Wait, I have to say my prayers first. Mother tells me that must say my prayers otherwise God will punish me. I do not believe her.

Dear Diary,
I am very pleased today because all the servants of the house got a scolding. Look at me, I have never been scolded.

Dear Diary,
I have a secret to share with you. There is a boy in my class I really like. He is handsome and intelligent. He always smiles when he looks towards me. I wish you could be there with me at such moments. He is going to become a very successful man when he grows up. He said this in class today. I will wait till he gets a good job. Then we will get married. He will love me very much and I will be very happy.

Dear Diary,
Mother is going out just now. Then both of us will be alone. She is looking very pretty today. I wish I could be like her.

Dear Diary,
Today that boy was sharing his lunch with another girl. I wanted to separate her head from her body. How dare she take him away from me? God will surely punish her. I will ask God to punish her.

Dear Diary,
A few minutes ago, Mother came into my room. She rarely does that. She told me to say my prayers if I wanted to be close to God. Mother looked to nice standing my room. I could sense her aura enveloping me. It felt like a warm hug. I wish she would come to my room more often.

Dear Diary,
I have just woken up from a wonderful dream. I saw myself with that boy. We were living in a cosy little cottage. There was even a small garden where we made love. I wonder if I have sinned. I must pray to God. Please God, help me. Please help me find a way out.

Dear Diary,
I read Sylvia Plath again today. I wonder what she meant when she said in ‘Lady Lazarus’:
‘Dying
is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.’

Dear Diary,
Today I saw him again with that girl. They were actually holding hands. I hate him. I will not see his face ever again. I will ask God to punish him. Mother almost found you today. It was carelessness on my part. I left you on the dining table. I should not do that again. I wonder who will take you after I go away.

Dear Diary,
These days I am spending more and more time with you. I have also been neglecting my prayers. However, I am sure God will not punish me.

Dear Diary,
Today I donated all my favourite books to the school library. They did not even ask me why I was giving them away.

Dear Diary,
Today I hugged Mother. A real hug. I wonder if she liked it. I hope I did not spoil her lovely dress.

Dear Diary,
It is past midnight and as usual I am alone in my room. Nothing can go wrong now. Do you know what Sylvia Plath meant when she wrote in ‘Edge’:
‘The woman is perfected.
Her dead
Body wears the smile of accomplishment.’

I will look the same.