Sometimes

In the silence I walked along, had a little idea where I was heading. At the back of my head I knew I had to get somewhere, may be I am going home, that’s what I thought. Somehow I was free, no tangled memories and no past could pull me back. Even though the night was silent, there was turmoil inside of me. I wondered around as if I had no destination, I was free from the chain of manacle. I thought I was happy and somehow it made me feel that I could not have been happier in life, I doubted though.

Sometimes you are not yourself. Somehow you are attached to some feelings, which will set you aloof even if you don’t want to go beyond what is real. All those memories are embarked in you but it is not the feeling of being pulled back, it is more of the feeling of rejuvenation. You get a new life and want to start all over again, correcting all your false moves that you thing you have taken in the past so as to generate a new energy to do something extraordinary, I still don’t understand what that means.

There are new ideas, new dimension of thoughts and feelings when you really want to find ways to happiness, and way of life. IT sounds strange, how a person can transform himself to a new being in such a short span of time. It is comparable to a snake casting its skin over a period of time. Strange yet so real, people take up pain so easily. Moment of joy and happiness comes fast and ends faster than that. And when everything is over, you are left with nothing but with yourself to pamper.

Walking past various twilights, I felt as if I was in a seconds of fame. May be that’s how the life is. It is everyone’s desire to stand in the spotlight and smile to all his audience with satisfaction but how long will that moment last? Or how far one should go to convince him that he is the man of honor?

The nigh was calm but still there was a little movement of people in the path to completing their duty. Some were coming back home while some were getting ready to celebrate everyday as if it is the last on earth. The sound of vehicle moving around irritated me, somehow I wanted to enjoy the silence of the night and wanted to fade in the darkness not because of dissatisfaction but because of sheer pleasure of being swallowed in it. I wanted to be left alone, amongst the brightest stars; I needed a moment to ponder upon something really un-useful.

I still walked on as if nothing mattered to me. I wanted to feel the pain of being missed and being thought by my family. This is the way of life; that’s what occurred to me that time. I know I was going back home but somehow I wanted to walk more. I wanted my home to shift its place farther away from me so that I could walk a little more; so that I could have a little more time for myself.

So many days have passed with the same feeling that I do not have to reach anywhere but I know I had something going on inside of me, which I cannot explain. Some intricate thoughts and feelings are always fighting with each other to find their way out of me. But then I realized I would have my share of silence and peace when I really want one. I was happy and I could not have been happier. I loved everything about the night, the cool breeze kissing me by, and the wonderful spot light in which I had my few seconds of fame.

I had so many thoughts but then I decided to move on, thought that if I’d stop I’d never walk the same again. Then it occurred to me, I am what I am and no one can change that. I will find my way out even in most difficult and compelling situation. All I need is my share of space and a glimpse of happiness in my life.