The Choice of Leading a Gay Life

Recently a lesbian (gay) couple was arrested in Faisalabad, Pakistan under the infamous homosexuality act. Their crime? ‘Marriage’. The unfortunate couple got married a month back; the difference was that the couple was of ‘same-sex’ which unfortunately in our society and law this is a criminal offense.

One of the women foreseeing the social pressure post-marriage from our hypocritical society decided to go for a ‘sex change’, the idea was to make the marriage acceptable so they could lead a life of a normal heterosexual couple. Their relative relatives learned of this pretty late in the game but as soon as it was discovered they lodged a FIR against the couple. This was done when one of the girls had already gone through two out of three sex changing operations (It is a criminal offense to go for a sex-changing operation in Pakistan unless one is suffering from some sort of hormone dis-order). Our state which normally keeps quiet and protects all sorts of murderers, rapists, fraudsters, smugglers, and mafia suddenly woke up and became hyper active to put the law into action and arrested the harmless couple who just wanted to get on with their lives without disturbing others.

The courageous yet unfortunate couple was kept behind bars, one of them physically, mentally and sexually abused by the police and inmates. Here I would like to add that even with repeated efforts and an offer for large sum as guarantee the bailiff refused to grant bail to the couple which is normally granted to murderers and loan defaulters for much less.

To spice up already tense and difficult situation, the so-called fourth pillar of the state (media) highlighted the couple’s story as if hell has broken loose. They completely demonized the couple by airing cheap targeted program’s with a panel of non-experts without understanding the gravity of the situation, without investigating the actual facts and by compromising the couples safety. All they wanted was ‘masala’.

The ‘media’ which is fighting for the basic rights of ‘freedom’, ‘freedom of speech’ suddenly changed tunes, completely forgot their ethics and for the sake of cheap viewer ship and high ratings they actually started running a media-trail. One television (which claims to be the defender of under-privileged and freedom) actually came out to give a verdict against the couple and went as far as advising her viewers that the couple should be stoned to death and if this won’t happen the whole society will face the consequences – one mullana (drama queen) publicly claimed that the end of the world is close. All this for two innocent girls who just wanted ‘freedom of expression’, ‘decision to lead a life, which is different from others’ –

I say where are those principles now? Is media fighting only for ‘freedom of whatever they decide is worthy’

As gay person myself who is living with a partner (same sex) for almost five years, whatever happened was disgusting. I say why such duplicity? Why put somebody behind bars just because they were being honest? Why is our society so hypocritical?

Why don’t we adopt a ‘mind your own business approach?’ People should be given rights and choices as to how one should choose to live his or her life. Its not just the uneducated or illiterates who believe in such views but unfortunately our educated middle class and upper middle class share the same attitudes towards homosexuality and to different social groups.

Being Gay in Pakistan is like living a James Bond life. Live as a double agent on a mission everyday. Get caught and you face dungeons. Unfortunately here enemies are our own people. Somehow history is repeating herself again – it was Nazis back then who rounded up disabled, homosexuals, different races and religions and it is happening here in our country now. I know a lot of my friends who came out of closet and actually dared to tell their parents about their sexuality; most of them were accepted but not without trouble ever since; if not from their fathers, then from their mothers if not from their parents then from their siblings. A lot didn’t come out because of this fear and even some who came out were forced to get married. A great number of those are divorced now with children – their life ransacked. Some tried committing suicide, some committed suicide. It’s getting a lot messier everyday.

So who is to blame? Personally, I think a lot of blame goes to parents. Most of the parents who come to know about their child being homosexual blame it on their friends and are in absolute denial about their own sons and daughters being homosexual. They somehow think marrying their sons specially will sort things out, on the contrary it gets much worse. On the contrary if one gets to know about there child being homosexual, they should try to understand him or her instead of forcing them to change ; ‘forcing them to marry hoping he or she will change’ – such a approach invites anger, irritation, tensions and worse absolute breakdown of relations.

Everyone has their own understanding of homosexuality. To me homosexuality develops with events and then one has a choice as to which way to live your life. Either to go the ‘gay way’ which is very difficult in Pakistan ; ‘heterosexual way’ – the escape from reality, ‘self denial’ or try out both the worlds and become a bi-sexual the most popular and later on in life as it turns out, the most stupidest choice.

In the end, Who are Gays? Do gay couples exist in Pakistan? What is homosexuality?

Being Gay to me is choosing an alternate life style and its not being ‘girlie’ (nothing like Begum Nawazish Ali), it’s a choice to lead my life as I want it; not to marry someone from the opposite gender, living life well, traveling around the world and most important to finally settle down with a soul mate.

Do gay couples exist? Yes, they do, they are; living together as cousins, relatives and some very openly for years. I personally have been living with a partner with almost five years – we both are young, both professionals living normally without any problems. Are same-sex couples happy with their lives? Yes they are; although there are lot of break-ups involved but the relation apart from being same-sex is as normal as a heterosexual relation.

And what is homosexuality? I have a friend who thinks homosexuality is a mental disease, another one thinks it (homosexuality) is inherited and another thinks homosexuals are sex addicts. I respect all of their opinions and respect is all that matters. Respect and Accept the rights of every individual regardless of their gender, creed, religion, ethnicity –‘live and let other live’ approach is missing in most if not all of us.