Subroto Pant November 18, 2004

Tags: satire , canine , wonder

href="/tag/TV">TV".

"Owwwuuu" went Nawab.

"Got to go, my dog’s troubling me" as I hung up on my friend.

"I wasn’t troubling you" said Nawab indignantly.

There you go my secrets out - Nawab my talking dog. Got him free from my friend Ahmed who was leaving for Toronto. A great big loopy shaggy dog. Part this, part that, a bit of everything, in fact a cross breed to beat cross breeds. God only knows how many different kind of breeds claimed him as their own - a sort of a canine Tiger Woods. And he could talk. Bet you didn’t know that. I didn’t either. Well not until he said his first words to me (no not papa you demented people).

Actually the only person he was talking to earlier was my friend. He refused to speak to anyone else in Ahmed’s household, which did strain relations a bit. Not too many people were happy with my friend’s choice of a pet dog and what really made them angry was his insistence that he could talk. If it hadn’t been for Nawab’s uncanny habit of picking out the winner during the race season Ahmed would have dumped him long ago.

The family wanted the dog to be dumped at the RSPCA dog shelter when they all left for Toronto, but he decide to give him to me knowing I was looking for one. This was around three weeks before they left. Every day I got a call from Ahmed asking the same question "So what did the dog say?". "Bow wow" was my standard response. To tell the truth I was a little worried about my friend. This business of leaving a dog that he was fond of had clearly unhinged him or so I thought – little did I know.

It was one week after he had been with me did Nawab speak. Right when I was cooking dinner, the dal stains had to be professionally cleaned later, all because of the fright he gave me. Ah yes those first words - "Go easy on the heeng matey". I tell you in the days gone by, the amount of dietary changes I have had to make because of that dog! And not just any talking dog - an opinionated talking dog. Equally remarkable was how he could identify people by their smells. He was never wrong, well maybe that one time when the platinum blonde turned out to be a brunette, but otherwise he was infallible. But I digress I was talking about what Nawab was telling me.

"I need the phone to be free" said Nawab "I am expecting a call from the Prime Minister".

"Don’t be dumb" said I rudely "the Prime Minister is not calling you".

"Yes he is. He had called me before the election asking for my vote".

"Umm actually I don’t think you are the registered voter in this house, being the wrong species and all that".

"True but I make the decisions around here, so it has to be for me".

It’s at time like this when you realize that talking dog may sound like a wonderful thing to have but an opinionated hound who talks only to you can be frustrating. In fact I have often wondered if he was the real reason behind my friend’s hurried migration to Canada.

"You do realize it was recorded message. In fact for all you know it came from a call centre in Gurgaon India".

"The Prime Minister is a busy man, you probably won’t know much about that. When you are busy then voice mail is a convenient option. And PM is a patriot he wouldn’t use a call centre".

"Why? It’s cheaper everyone does it".

"Its mercenary that’s what it is. In fact the particularly unacceptable thing here is when Australian owned or based companies move their call centre and other high labour content operations overseas to take advantage of low wages and inferior work place conditions, while keeping other
operations here just to gain taxation and other benefits such as preferences for local supplies not widely used by federal, state and local governments."

I don’t believe it, a dog is explaining economics, voice mail and call centres to me.

"Yes but globalization has now put Australian workers in direct competition with those in China and India, so it’s probably good for us consumers. And that’s why my doggy friend your leash is now made in China".

"As I expected! Tied down by a leash probably made by state prisoners in a totalitarian society. Anyway Australia has a more flexible and productive economy. All we need is the major political parties is to come up with policies that reward businesses that create jobs here rather than resorting to outsourcing. If they want to ignore these incentives and continue to outsource, that’s their call."

"Well the election is over, so no more messages for you my canine friend".

"Surely he has to thank me for my vote?"

"A talking dog you may be but a politician you are not. Do you realize the next call for you will be at the time of the next federal elections.." at this moment I was interrupted by the knocking at the front door.

"That will be the Postman" said Nawab "Can you open the door I don’t feel like chasing him right now".

"Yeah how would you know?"

"Nature of the species buddy boy, you do tend to forget that I am dog"

So would anyone facing with a talking hound. So I went to the door instead and yes it was the Postie indeed. A big packet from Canberra addressed to certain Nawab.

A big heavy packet, I wondered if the dog had been ordering stuff from e-bay. I signed for it and took it inside.

"A packet for you. Hope you have not been using e-Bay?"

"E-bay me?"

"You know I am still paying off the last bill. Another order and it’s the dog pound for you my friend".

"Hey trust me" and the hurt look that only a dog can convey.

"Oh alright open the packet then".

"You do it. After all you are the one with an opposable thumb".

So I opened the big packet for him. The contents you say? Well if you really want to know it contained a large hamper of doggie treats and one big thank you card.

I am sure you can guess who sent it.