Farzana Versey December 8, 2004

Tags: women , sex , review , play

Is the body everything?

href="/tag/Women">Women have bellies too, but it is called the spread. And women write books and plays about it. Men don’t. They just go forth with their protrusions.

This is the reason I am not terribly excited about the new play ‘The Good Body’. Eve Ensler who had earlier written ‘The Vagina Monologues’ has shifted her attention to other parts of the body, mainly after seeing her tummy. Her belief is, “I want women to be free. I want us to get up in the morning and go, ’Oh, my God, I’ve got a body, what a miracle!’”

Here I part ways with a certain kind of thinking. Why be so self-conscious about something that you possess and, for god’s sake, it is not an acquisition or a trained part of you. Ensler is in fact consolidating the ‘body-fication’ of women. I don’t think it does women any good to have each part of them taken as items to be dissected, even if it is only to empower them.

‘The Vagina Monologues’ did raise important issues, but it was essentially addressing those who were already aware. I watched its adaptation in Mumbai with what one might call an educated audience. The women probably heard their voices being echoed, but would they suddenly become comfortable if they were not?

At the start of the play we were asked to intone the word ‘Vagina’; in the dark auditorium I heard the chorus. I did not join in. It most certainly wasn’t awkwardness, as you will discover. But I did not think that ‘my vagina’ was like everyone else’s vagina. Making it into an all-purpose thing did not work for me. The major statement that came out of it was that the performances were banned in Chennai and we were told, amidst much laughter, that it probably meant that Chennai had no vaginas.

I merely smiled. I had not heard about Eve Ensler or her play when I wanted to discuss the effect the then new Viagra pill. My column in ‘The Sunday Observer’ had the word ‘vagina’ in the headline and throughout the piece, but there was no cheep of protest from anyone. Here it is…

The Vagina-Viagra dialogue

It was bound to happen. Viagra had boosted sales and sags and was decreed a resounding success. But it can get lonely at the top and the head that wears the crown does feel limp and exhausted after a while.

Viagra is also a sceptic. Yes, he has lived upto expectations, he has given men a much-needed boost, but he wants to hear it directly from the party most affected by it. Not just through a middleman, who would be too self-obsessed.

So Viagra knocked on Vagina’s door.

“Who is it?" she called out.

"Well... er ... it’s me, Viagra, you’ve probably heard my name before."

"Like hell, I have! I am soaked to my skin so I’m sorry I can’t entertain you."

Although disappointed, Viagra was not going to retrace his steps, "Pardon my being so crude, but that’s exactly what I’ve come to check out. I want to know how I’ve really fared."

"Is this some market survey? What do you make me out to be? And why would I reveal my innermost secrets to a stranger?" was Vagina’s rejoinder.

"I am no stranger," said Viagra. "I inhabit you, but that’s another matter. I must remind you that we merely rule a part of our respective kingdoms. Your mistress, the queen called Woman, is a fickle creature who plays hard to get but when she succumbs she is insatiable. Then you become a pawn in her hands."

"Ah," retorted Vagina, “and what about your master, the king, Man? He is all the time looking down and not at his feet. He thinks about it every few seconds but when it comes to doing anything, he frets and fumes. It really spoils my day because I am at the deep end of the stick. If women are fickle at least their minds don’t know what direction any other part of them will take.”

"Hey, are you a feminist or what?"

"What a redundant question! Feminism was built around me - my muscle power, my G-spot, my summit. But you are a brand. a marketing gimmick, you will not understand these serious political issues and their ramifications. You call me a pawn, but you are a stooge. At least I know when I am being used, in fact I have to sort of be dressed for it. And I don’t have to worry about performance. Whereas poor you, if you don’t deliver you’ll be back on the shelves or consigned to history’s wastebin.”

The diatribe had saddened Viagra. Much mellowed, he spoke. “I think that was mean of you. I genuinely wanted to know how you have reacted to my presence. I wanted to get the verdict from official sources. I thought you would be honest.”

“But I was,” protested Vagina.

“Yes, brutally so. However, I know about my master, little about myself. I guess you are right, I am ultimately a non-entity.”

“Come, come, now don’t get so emotional. I did not mean to hurt you. But if truth be told, then you are just another toy. An ostensibly lethal one. Men have always needed weapons. When the standard ones fail, they invent new things. Women are redundant in this scheme of things – at best they are the guinea-pigs to try you out on.”

“Does that not as a consequence give you pleasure? Don’t you feel fulfilled?”

“Yes, but it is a technical satisfaction. I am not just a blind alley or parched earth that a few showers can quench my thirst. Besides, I am aware that through you your master is trying to prove himself. There are times when my mistress is not ready and because of the deep bond I share with her, I clam up too. And then it hurts.”

Viagra was getting disturbed. This is not what he had bargained for and said so. “I thought I’d keep everyone happy. Men will be free from worry and women from frustration. But what have I unleashed?”

"Don’t be so harsh on yourself. You are a convenient scapegoat. Look at that elderly gentleman who left his partner of so many years for a younger woman. He put the onus on you. He said you rejuvenated him. Even if you did, could he not use this extra energy to satisfy the woman who had stood by him during his lean days? That’s what I want to tell you. Your master is merely pandering to his ego. He is deluding himself and sometimes my mistress too. The moment he puts you in his mouth, I can feel her anticipation. And we wait. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, like the old days. But now when it does they say it’s because of you, for when it doesn’t they can say the same too!"

Vagina had made a valid point and Viagra was getting the drift of the argument but it was too late for him to rectify things. He couldn’t do anything, except be honourable. So he apologised to Vagina for any inconvenience caused.

Vagina was utterly moved. At last she opened the door and whispered into Viagra’s ear: "You’d make for a nice sensitive man. Why don’t you swap places with your master and transform him into a pill?"

Viagra laughed for the first time and, preparing to leave, said, "It was nice meeting you, though we’ve met before."

"Oh, we haven’t" replied Vagina. "I’ve just met your marketing manager. It’s only now that I’ve discovered the real you."

"And how do you like me?"

"Untouched," she said.