For anyone and everyone who needs a break

(nope... this aint my work....DUH! collection of fwrd emails.)


Restroom Philosophers.....!!

Beauty is only a light switch away.
*Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let’s all get
wasted together and have the time of our lives.
*Armand’s Pizza, Washington, D.C.

If Bush were captain of the Titanic, he’d say we were stopping for ice.
* Smoky Joe’s, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

God made pot.
Man made beer.
Who do you trust?
* The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
* The Bayou, Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up
with her shit.
* Men’s Room, Linda’s Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

To do is to be. -Descartes
To be is to do. -Voltaire
Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra
* Men’s restroom, Greasewood Flats, Scottsdale, Arizona.

If you can piss this high, join the fire department.
*On the wall in the men’s restroom at a height of 6 feet, O’Ryan’s Irish
Pub, Ashland, Oregon

At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
* Bentley’s House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona.

It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
* Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, Arizona.

Guys: No shirt, No service
Girls: No shirt, No charge
*Harry’s Diner, Myrtle Beach, SC

Make love, not war - Hell, do both, get married!
* Women’s restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Montana.

God is dead. - Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. - God
* The Tombs Restaurant, Washington, D.C.

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
* Revolution Books, New York, New York.

A Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have
trouble with it.
* Women’s restroom, Dick’s Last Resort, Dallas, Texas.

JESUS SAVES! But wouldn’t it be better if he had invested?
* Men’s restroom, American University, Washington, D.C.

You’re too good for him.
* Sign over mirror in Women’s restroom, Ed Debevic’s, BeverlyHills, CA.

No wonder you always go home alone.
* Sign over mirror in Men’s restroom, Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA.

***********************

The Test

The following is one of Dr. Schalmbaugh’s Final Test questions for May 1997. Dr. Schalmbaugh, University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, is known for asking questions such as this on his final exams.)

May 1997, Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II Final Exam Question:
"IS HELL EXOTHERMIC OR ENDOTHERMIC? Support your answer with truth."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

herefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

Case 1: If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
Case 2: If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Theresa Banyan during my freshman year, "it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then case 2 cannot be true.

Thus, hell is exothermic.
The student, Tim Graham, got the only A

***********************

After getting all of Pope John Paul’s luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
"Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today."
"I’m sorry but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! What if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.
"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. "Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, my God,
I’m gonna lose my license," moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
"So bust him," said the Chief.
"I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important," said the cop.
The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger"
Chief: "Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger"
"Well, said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it’s God!"
Chief: "What makes you think it is God?"
Cop: "He’s got the Pope for a limo driver!"

***********************

Last month, a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was... : "Would you, please give your honest opinion, about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure because...: In Africa they didn’t know what "food" means. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what "honest" means. In Western Europe they didn’t know what "shortage" means. In China they didn’t know what "opinion" means. In the Middle East they didn’t know what "solution" means. In South America they didn’t know what "please" means. In the USA they didn’t know what "the rest of the world" means.

***********************
a lil ... corny... here goes...

Beppo Singh returns from his first day at school and immediately
questions
his father." Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids
could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that
because I am Sardar?"
"No son, that’s because you are intelligent. "
Beppo seeming content with the answer, asks his father another
question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could
only
count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am
Sardar ??"
"No son, that’s because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy
with the answer, Beppo poses another question to his father, "Dad,
today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than
me, I was atleast twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??"
The father replies, "No son, that’s because you are 31 years old."


Bad Memory
One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth
floor of a building when a man came running in to his office
and shouted "Beppo Singh, your daughter Preeto just died in
an accident"
Beppo Singh was in panic. Not knowing what to do he
jumped from his office window while coming down when he
was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn’t have a
daughter named preeto.
When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not
married.
When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he
was not Beppo Singh.


Once a Hindu, Muslim and our dear Beppo Singh are standing when
a Britisher comes and asks "Hey guys what are your favorite flowers?
Hindu: "Lotus"
Britisher: "Ha I use it as toilet paper everyday !"
Hindu is surprised and angry as lotus being national flower.
Muslim: "Chameli"
Britisher: "Ha I use it as toilet paper everyday !"
Muslim also surprised and angry.
Britisher: "Sardarji and what is your favorite flower?"
Patriotic Beppo: "CACTUS! ab kar le saaf."


BEPPO SINGH’S MOTHER DIED.

Beppo Singh: (crying) the doctor called, my mother is dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
After 2 minutes Beppo Singh cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Beppo Singh: my sister just called, her mother died too!

BEPPO SINGH WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL.
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Beppo Singh: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Beppo Singh: Are you trying to fool me, you’ve just twisted the
figure,
the answer is 6!!


BEPPO SINGH STUCK ON THE ELEVATOR.

Lotta Singh: Sorry I’m late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs.
because of a power failure.
Beppo Singh: Thats alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator
for 3 hrs.