karsaki na asar kabhi koi sharaab
aaj tukk na hua, mera imaan kharab

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what a drama.

I have to hand in my thesis, been up for about 48 hours now, cried for most part of it, with about 4 hours of sleep... and most importantly havent even eaten...... and Mr. Ahem is to show up... i had picked up a fight with mum the earlier night trying to convince her how i wanted to lead a life in solitude, of how some people are "meant to be alone".....
OTOH, Mum believes this "pahaaR jaise zindagi" i am well handicapped to lift the burden of on my own... so, i need to dump the burden onto someone else?
cheesy, sarcasm,.. whatever gets her upset.
and while storming out of the room... she tells me "He’s tall... like really tall... so you can wear your grey heels if you wish to with that dress i picked for you"

hmmmm...

Anyhow... theres about an hour left and i need to fix myself... now why in the midst of this all... all my labor over trying to convince mom that "i am destined to be alone", am i worried sick of picking the perfect outfit? Dang! is that a pang of guilt that hit me? Am i betraying my theory of life.. and of living it?
No... i’m just making sure that i carry my graceful self gracefully... like i do always... (Gulp!)

needless to say, i despise mums taste. that eecky grey-green piece of absolute shit. Tried twenty different outfits... kisi ka dupatta is missing... kisi ka kurta isnt starched... kuch abhi tukk laundry meiN haiN...
within that short span of time... a lifetime of arguments erupted b/w me and mum.. with her accusing me of not being organized enough... and me accusing her of betraying me by calling the family over when i am in such a sorry state...
prohibited colours include yellow, blood red and black... yellow isnt a problem... but there goes most of my collection with red and black... Oh! i have the whites!!

Mum: white is too dull... not white..

Me: but i look great in white... its simple, innocent... and cute..

yada yada yada...

so we settled for royal blue... shoes... and handbag...

Mum: but you’re at home.. you dont need a handbag...

Why am i fretting over this? Just ’cause he is tall? and is stylish?...no compromise over style type? (Gulp!)
No. I have a reputation to maintain... thats all... just making sure.

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Mum: All set? Woh aanay hee waalay haiN...

Final check... clothes done. Hair done. wax done. eyebrows done. Nails...Nails.. Argh! They wouldnt notice..!!! I dont have time for this nonsense anyway...

Now i can see mum stealing glances at me... giving me the "i know" looks... and smiling at me teasingly...

(GULP!) "I’m just making sure... my image you know.."

"But i didnt even say anything... "

"With that look, you know you dont need to"

"nerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrvous?"

"Thanks Ma"

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"Hi Aunty... "

"Assalaamualaikum beta"

(Goofed up.. SHIT!) "walaikum assalaam aunty... kya haal hai aapka"

the sister walks in. *exchange pleasantries* and... i cant stop taking my eyes off the door (Guilt, Guilt, Guilt)...
In walks R... Tall he is. Damn! He’s good looking too. And effing bitch.. will you stop gawking at him??!!

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tall... hillarious... good looking.... trendy... british accent (where the eff did he pick that from in NYC?!!!!)... computer engineer at... did i just hear Microsoft? MICROSOFT?!! ...

Till now i managed to focus all my attention on the rest of the members of his family.. needless to say, i didnt quite care what they kept blabbering about...
I can feel him looking in my direction.. stealing glances... (Hah! Battle half won!!.....)
the fathers, obviously, have absolutely no role to play in this well orchestrated tamasha! Poor things. I’m not going to drag my hubby into this helpess state of mind and presence. Bichaare baap...

Oh.. back to him now.. so what’s he saying about kiosks he’s setup all over Chicago...

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Mum: Aaj kal laRkay nahiN... laRkyiaN bhi chahti haiN kay woh laRkoN se baat cheet kar kay hee koi faysla kareN...

Aunty: Hanh paRh likh jo gaye haiN... bachay kaafi demanding haiN... humaray waqtoN jaisa kahaN...

I can feel the growing tension... in the room..
the fact that any moment now.. they will leave us alone
.. and that R is quite embarassed by the whole iss-zamaanay-bachay vaali conversation...
and that i’m gonna have to speak to him alone...
Why the hell am i so edgy... what’s wrong with me?

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miltay hee tum se nazar, rehta nahiN koi hosh...

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