Another Day

this day, returns every year,exactly 6 years ago,wheel spun and my life changed,
From a normal,happy go lucky, gregarious person,......now reduced to a secluded,silent,and sorry figure of a person.
....Every year ,the night before,something happens,and I relive the whole experience,the same Shock, the same feeling of being thrown away, the same wetness,allaround.
then the beared figure of a man ,asking me to recite Kalima,then the blurry images,the long drive,in the rain,from Kalam to Saidu Sharif,then three figures,franitically working on my body,then my floating Up,outside my body, the same look of amazment, on the faces of those working on my body.
I am lying on my stomach, there is a big , GaP, a hollow ,pieces missing from the right side on my back,there are black, brown and some red ,splinters, ...the slightly burly man, wearing the doctors cloth,...with a puzzled look and amazement in his eyes,expertly taking the splinters out of my body, which my near dead body is telling him.in clear concise ENGLISH.
All the words are resonating , I can hear them clearly,in a precise professional manner, its explaining to the those who are operating on my body, about the locations from which they should take out the splinters, shell splinters....some pretty big,
Then suddenly every thing changes,the DARKNESS, through which i can see everything,...but there is nothing.....except a resonating Sound, some one is talking to me in a STRANGE Language,its not arabic, its not english, its not Urdu,...its none like any Language I am vaguely aware of,....but every thing is clear,...I cannot see who is taling he is behind me,I cannot turn. ...yet I am understanding each and every syllabi , every word.
...then like a whirlwind, every thing converges into a singularity, ..but every thing is familiar,known, I can see, I know, what each and everything is.
then four dots , all white, float away, and I know they are my wife and daughters..
..then three more, One bloody red,one chaning its color,andthe third black,...I can't remember, But they are my partners, bussiness partners,
Then One more, this one has a FACE, my grandfather, from my mother's side.
I have never seen him so close.
then...the same voice , again.
and now I am on the stretcher, ward boy, does not want me to open my eyes....
yet with effort I open them.
I am sweating like Hell,although the room I am in , my Bedroom if cool, I can hear the AC humming, I jump up.
...My Wife is sleeping on the other side of the Bed.
..there is a Sharp Pain, in my Back,..I fell down, the Bed.
could not breath.....could not move.
Like an eternity, time stands still....god know for how long.

......when i woke in the morning, its every thing as normal as it could be...But something, is lost.
I have lost, something, during that DREAM-REALITY state.

..I remember, I know, this is what I went through on the 13 Aug 2001 ,in Kalam,...and then the Next Three months of a hell of an existence.

..i don't want to talk,I don't want to say a single word.
I am changed a Little, from what I was tommorrow. But I doubt any one could feel or even remotely think about it.
Its a morning as usual.
I woke Silently, without saying a single word, had a bath, changed cloths,....and without any breakfast , as usual, just went out to my shop.......
.....My whole Mind is empty,.....there is just the essence of the relived experience.....its having an impact...I know
some thing more , within me, have left this world....and with the remaining , whatever is left of me,I will have to go through the motions of living again.....for god know how long.....!!