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Recently by Optimistic_Aadil
Walking lonsome!
How poignant they are!
The tiny drops of rain,
Pouring in unison,
Waking the slumbering pain.
Drops of rain in the olden days,
Sang the songs of our merry souls,
Now they appear mourners,
Of our dreary hearts to console.
Walking lonsome in the woods,
I trace those rainy seasons,
Finding them gone with the winds,
I make my own rainy seasons.
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Latest comments
Posted by Nadeenahmed83 on
Wednesday April 16, 2008 02:05 am
I stand corrected. Checking the grammer I over looked the essence.
:-) Peace!!!
:-) Peace!!!
Posted by Optimistic_Aadil on
Wednesday April 16, 2008 12:12 am
What I tried to give this stanza is a particular feeling. The effect of rain drops on particular objects; the hearts and souls of poet and somebody whom this poem is addressed to. Removing 'the particular objects' I guess will diminish the overall effect of the poem coz rain drops in a general sense can't be associated with happiness in the past and sorrow in the present. Or else? please do inform me.
Do remind me of the grammatical errors whatever it has.
Thanx for giving it a critical look.
Looking forward for your expert opinions!
Do remind me of the grammatical errors whatever it has.
Thanx for giving it a critical look.
Looking forward for your expert opinions!
Posted by Nadeenahmed83 on
Tuesday April 15, 2008 10:18 pm
you wrote
'Drops of rain in the olden days,
Sang the songs of our merry souls,
Now they appear mourners,
Of our dreary hearts to console.'
How about making a few changes? I am suggesting the following:
Drops of rain in the days gone by
sang the tunes of a merry soul
Now they seem to be as mourners
of dreary hearts they must console
tried messaging you the changes as I could not add comments here. It seems you did not recieve. Probably the Message centre is being updated as well.
'Drops of rain in the olden days,
Sang the songs of our merry souls,
Now they appear mourners,
Of our dreary hearts to console.'
How about making a few changes? I am suggesting the following:
Drops of rain in the days gone by
sang the tunes of a merry soul
Now they seem to be as mourners
of dreary hearts they must console
tried messaging you the changes as I could not add comments here. It seems you did not recieve. Probably the Message centre is being updated as well.
Posted by Optimistic_Aadil on
Tuesday April 15, 2008 07:00 pm
Thanx a lot kashkin. It was stimulated by yesterday's rain in Islamabad, a heavy downpour though!
Posted by kashkin on
Tuesday April 15, 2008 04:43 am
Aadil,
great poem to bind present and past with tiny droplets of rain and its associated effects.
great poem to bind present and past with tiny droplets of rain and its associated effects.
Optimistic_Aadil
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