Choppy thoughts

Still waiting for the psychoactive substance to take over. I'm sitting here, tapping my fingers, tap - tap on the desk; looking around, then tap-tap again. Someone just walked by, smiled politely, I smiled back (damn instinct) and the tapping continued.
I'm driving everyone crazy these days; hell, I'm driving myself insane. A co-worker says, 'you're going to wear out that desk'. I smiled in response (damn instinct again) not wanting to smile, no need to smile, concealing the cuss words that are forming in my head. Why did I smile when the desire to smile hadn't existed, why permeated in the falseness, why instigated my annoyance? WTF happened to that kindergarten lesson, that congruous face with the accordant emotion?

I'm annoyed for smiling ~ shit, the psychoactive substance must have taken over all-at-once. I just can't catch a break today ... not even from the coffee ~ it sort of ganged up on me. Shaking head, trying to reason with myself ... Reasoned away ... Reasoning turns into a full blown argument ... and crap, back to square one. (Thought) tap; tap (thought).

Resume. Objective ... hmmm... objective! Objective: To saturate into the environment, become indecipherable, dissolve into translucency, tell everyone in this world to go screw themselves. Brain says, 'at least give it a try'. I say, 'go to hell'. Brain says, 'F- you, I deserve a chance'. Body replies, 'F-you, you've had a chance!'. Tap (shit), tap (oh, shit).