Death of dreams

Quin, so very thanx for your detailed review of the case. The stanza you wrote is just awsome! I wish if I could write like this!

Pertinent comments by shobig_sifar. Cannot add. Just a suggestion - maybe poem should end with stanza 2. the 2 stanzas make a completepoem. It is all said in those two. What is left unsaid is implied. But I did got into exercising my own version of the last para: - hope it is Ok to take such liberty.
Last stanza: "Now they are at loss
Should they watch chill realities
Or go back in comfort of heart
My eyes cannot even blink
The watch is wedged within
My eyes are stuck open
Forever ...
Like the stare of death"

Thanx shobig, for pointing out the flaw with some interesting examples as well. I'll try to improve on it but am not very much sure as how. Should I call it a deliberate effort to end the poem in such a way? .. it might be the case coz I wanted to create an intensity that could gel with my concern for the theme. Nevertheless, I'm definetly gonna try and revieve it for good.
So very thanx for your time!

errrr...I meant "Tendulker is undoubtedly one of the best batsmen to have ever graced the game of cricket, but he is just one step short of greatness, just because he is not a good finisher"

Yaar Aadil, here are my sincerest dau-paisay: What distinguishes a good writer from an ordinary (albeit talented) writer, is his/her ability to bring his/her manuscripts to a close; to finish it adequately. It's much like any other field of choice; Sachin Tendulker is undoubtedly one of the best batsmen to have ever graced the game of cricket, but he is just one step short of greatness, just because he is a good finisher; while Michael Bevan will always have his name shining brightly among the greatest cricketers IMO just because he finished so many tight games for Australia in the best possible way. Raw talent needs polishing, it needs manipulation. An intelligent mind like that of yours will always have certain exquisite thoughts and ideas to pen down, but it's your ability to get the idea across in the most adequate fashion, without letting your reader lose his engrossment that will make you stand out. I have the same shortcoming - I can write and write ceaselessly in one go when I feel like writing, but I find myself unable to bring it to a good finish.

As with a couple of your previous poems, you start off with an immaculate tone and expression, but then gradually lose it and your closing stanza turns out to be pretty ordinary. Don't rush, make sure it ends as energetically and poetically as it started. Take your time and work on your last verses.