Longing

Its more like it, shobig! yara kabhi kabhi tau mila karo!
Thanks for your comments! They are very much appreciated! :-)

bus ts payee, ghum-e-dunya, ghum-e-janaaN, ghum-e-rozgaar are the only major preoccupations these days :(

PS. please check my response to your comment on dawa-e-dil's ilog below.

shobig yaar,

kithay?

Well Aadil yara, looks like I have run out of original comments for your poems (I despise repetitions hehe), so I'd just heartily second both Khakiflash's and thinking payee's comments. :)

with an empty slot;
the size of a heart

fanatbulous! (I sometimes can't help doing things I despise :P)

the second @ is for the one and only Kashkin .. :-)
I'm glad you like the poem!

@MeiraJ08 .. thanks a lot for your detailed elaboration of the concept of 'development' of a poem. I'm glad you're there with a critical eye that will only help me improve on the technical aspects of poetry.

@Thank you! Liked your remarks :)

@Ravi .. Thanks for the encouragement! :)

@Khaki .. Your comments are always supportive and encourages me to write. :)

@Thinkingstorm .. worthy suggestions .. will think about it .. thanks for liking the poem!

@goonga .. don't be goonga .. tell me how are ya? :)

*I like the rap-rendition of ts translation, but I think your own poem was 'sooner' and had poetic impact on its own.

[that got muddled up there]

hmm interesting observation t.s, tum vapis aa gayai

though adil, carefully man, these things are sensitive, are poems : )

By removing the connectors you might alter altogether the mood of the poem.

I like the rap-quality, but I think your poem was more 'soon' than that -- this could possibly make it unapproachable.

"an empty slot
the size of a heart"

that's nice.

I'll tell you what I do, I let it go 'as it is' till the big wave comes, and I see what I was saying in a series of strokes, it will come, as I told you -- don't change your voice, and don't let others translate your works for you either.

Its dangerous in this city, to live that way.

"every part" is important, I hold that, and agree with the Surrealists on that.

---
In all cases, ts goonga we all agree and kashkin too, that you should write, itd be nice to have poet friends.

:)

Optimistic,

Another good poem. I like what your style's developing into.

A suggestion: you can further "minimalize" the poem by taking out some of the connecters etc.

A jigsaw puzzle
pieces of my life
deranged
hard to combine
a picture
an empty slot
the size of a heart

Let me share yours
it fits the void
none other

Lest I shuffle, in vain
shards of a faceless life

One of your most impressive to date, sir! Thank you.

appropriate title - Longing

another good poem from O_A

(life) a jigsaw puzzle

an empty slot;

the size of a heart

Aadil,
beautiful poem!

Like a jigsaw puzzle,
the pieces of my life

hey aadil, though you can start out from anywhere really, and things will measure up in time...that is to say, there will be a reckoning of who you are ...

I like seeing poems in progression, the 'development' of a work shows you what its character is, its integrity, and whether it'll 'hold out.'

Having said this, when we read things in brief flashes, we are more biased towards reacting with a 'reader-response' (I think thats the fancy name for it)

This sometimes, tells nothing to the poet, except perhaps what the reader happened to be feeling that day or moment, that he happened to read your poem. A serious reader, thus, would need to visit and re-visit the 'progression' to see what its really about.

This is when the themes will emerge, and we will see what your battle is, what your purpose is.

Poetry -- is a genre, prone to self-reflections, intensive, obscure & adamant. I think your card here, reads like a playing card, I'd have to see the deck to see its entirety...though I do like certain words you use, like:
deranged, void, faceless.

Keep posting, I'd like to read.