hai apnay qabeelay ka koi lashkar?

It just effing doesn't end. There is just no end in sight. The pain is as sharp today as it was in august. At that time delusional hope in divine intervention was very high so it helped me survive minute by minute. That hope is long past.

And the pain remains. Everything hurts. Everything leads to the same spot. Nothing helps. No distraction, no substance. Most of the time I'm so tired of my own voice, I don't speak. At other, it needs to be let out because it feels like acid inside.
Today is one of those times.

Why won't it end.

Ho na ho apnay qabeelay ka koi lashkar
Muntazir ho ga andheray ki faseelo'n key udhar
Un ko shoalo'n kay rijz apna pata to dei'n gay
Kher wo hum tak na pauhanchai'n sahi sadaa to dei'n gey
Door kitni hai abhi subho, bata to dei'n gay