200 Cigarettes

Yes I am in Pakistan for a month of holidays, I do it for my daughter so that she can learn about the culture maybe pick up a few words of Urdu and get to play with her cousins. It is always interesting to come here and see the world from a different perspective. For example we went out to eat Chat last night, saw a new form of beggars, seems that if you cross-dress you can become a successful beggar. The guilt of watching a Hata-Kata male, dressed as a females, begging, forces many to empty their wallets.
I am here staying with my in-laws, my brother in law has left a job paying ten times as much in US to be in Pakistan to take care of his father. I think that it is a noble sacrifice at the same time being a mathematics teacher it does not add up. I don't mind coming here for a visit, but to give up the resources available in North America to live here just does not make any sense. But then again I am not living in his shoes. I think about all the things that I could be doing with my child in Vancouver B.C and wonder if she would have learnt more Urdu in Canada. I guess the balance gets tilted on the side of the family relationships and it is more important to me that she be with her cousins who are of similar age.
So here we are I have one carton of cigarettes to last me a month, and I do not see it lasting that long. Everyday I commit to myself that I am going to eat less, smoke less and go for a walk. And the cycle of guilt shame and acting out takes over. I eat too much, then smoke too much and then feel guilty that I did all that. Trying to keep my kid and her cousins engaged is a challenge. Should I take her swimming in the ocean? Clifton looks so nice, the monsoon waves are high, and then my irrational fears take over. The water is polluted, and I am not familiar with the currents.
Yesterday I read five different stories of terrorism, going to Mc'donalds you are reminded of this when you go through the security check. Most people are going about their daily lives as if nothing is happening and that a bomb blast here or there and a firing or shooting of suspected militants does not effect anyone. It is like the gang warfare in Vancouver, people are upset by it but seems not much the Police or the authorities can do about it. So I guess I have to let go of my irrational fears and go about my business.
On to more important issues, I thought I would come to Pakistan and lend my expertise, to my friends and relatives. After being here for a week, I am getting the feeling that my contribution is not required. I am busy observing the culture as an insider/outsider, and here is what I see. The keyword in Pakistan is "Inshallah" meaning if God be willing. To me communication occurs as a series of promises, so I am very keen on listening to how people make promises here. Now there is a distinction made in conversation, so if we are talking about what we are going to do tomorrow and it does not involve a promise then inshallah is not used. Example; I am going to brush my teeth in the morning, it would not make sense to say inshallah. But as soon as I make a promise to be there at 7:30 a.m Inshallah is invoked. The implication is that this one could be against the wishes of God. Very interesting! More on that later. I gotta charge my batteries and have a smoke.
I am down to 155 cigs, saw a major coackroach which cost me two smokes, then I made friends with a couple of chupkali's rumour has it that they are good for a house because they eat bugs. So they are my friends now. I am going to ask them to defend me from the crawling ones.
As I was saying or rather writing about promises. It seems that anything you want to get done in these parts involves a fair bit of time, hear the sound of deadlines as the woosh by. We went to the bank today to close a few accounts, a complicated procedure, but what I noticed was how each procedure involved some future date. I have come to the conclusion that the Pakistani idea of time is different from the rest of the world. I have stopped seeing time in terms of minutes or hours, now I talk about evenings or afternoons, mornings are a wash anyways. The bank was paying interest of about 11% to 12%, I was wondering what my money was doing in US or Canada earning 1.7%. Then I thought of all the poor souls who were applying for a loan. Not too many for sure, because this is a cash society, and not many are going to qualify for a loan at these rates.
There are some things about Karachi that are different this time around. We can watch Indian movies in a theatre. The traffic is so much better and there has been a lot of work on the infrastructure. The roads are much cleaner, the garbage that was piled up on vacant lots has been removed, now if they could take care of the Taliban problem ...