of shabebaraats and screwed up fairytales

it has been a year in lunar calendar since that dream.
a year since i found existence of god.
a year since i started hoping.
just wanted to mark the day.

--

We are brought up on a fairytale notion of “everafter”. Most of European fairytales are designed around the concept of a princess in crises being rescued by the chivalrous prince and they live happily ever after. Such themes are found in Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid and so on.

Incidentally, the sub-continent’s folklore is rife with stories of unrequited love when lovers mourn the loss of their soul mates till either death or transformation in the image of their beloved. Though not selling the western notion of what life is meant to be and drawing heavily on the cruelty of society and the ultimate sacrifice of lovers who’d rather give up their lives than defy societal norms, these stories also bank on the idea of one soul mate per person; if you have missed your chance than your life holds nothing but mourning.

The reality of such an “everafter” in 21st century is very different. In the past century, the breakdown of what was considered a normal family and rise of nuclear and one parent family system has driven our conditioned brains abuzz in a flurry of conflicting rationalisations. We spend our teens and twenties desperately trying to find something which falls in the slot of the general idea of “happily ever after” that was constructed for us when we were children. Each heartbreak de-conditions our mind, takes a little bit of our soul and leaves us breathless.

The premise of such a search is faulty. We continually look for longevity, not just in romantic relationships, but in associations of all kind. Since our subconscious is still living in a pre-globalised era, we find it difficult to adapt to a society where casual acquaintances are abundant and disposable, every relationship has a marked or hidden expiry to it, and there is no concept of a stereotypical happy ending. In such a conflicting reality, I propose this:

Scrap away with outdated fairytales. The new age of animation (think: Shrek and The Bee Movie), has broken at least one barrier of class and other societal differences where matters of heart are concerned. In addition, films like Kung Fu Panda are encouraging children to dream big since in this new age nothing but talent and hard work matters. However, we still have to give more emphasis to a successful life whether for a man or a woman where the primary drive is not to find love. Kung Fu Panda is one such example but unfortunately the image of an independent successful female is still missing in it. The tigress of the movie foolishly tries to fight evil succumbing to the will of fate in the end.

Rethink the structure of marriage on a mass level: This applies more to our culture/religion than anywhere else. Marriage is a contract between two people and it should be dealt as such along with an expiry date. It should be subject to extension upon satisfactory performance by both parties. This way no partner will ever take the other for granted, will be more conscious of the other’s needs and the relationship will be healthier albeit not necessarily a life-long one. I guess the basic question which needs to be asked first is whether one wants happiness or life-long commitment since both are very rarely mutually available.

Having struggled with the age old notions of love and soul mates and their importance in our lives, I find it a daily struggle to break away from this mindset and focus my energies towards personal or communal achievements. When I see my five year old nephew watching the same movies, feeding on same lies, it hurts me since I can predict what kind of disappointment awaits him in life. We have this responsibility towards our progeny to save them from forming unrealistic expectations of something which is unstable, flimsy and not even guaranteed. Someone has to take the first step. Let it be me.