the true representatives of respective religions on chowk...

we finally have the true stereotypically representative people of the four religions on chowk

Mirzaees - Of the three known mirzaees on chowk, kulharee is by far the most representative of his religion. He represents his belief system in line with Mirza Britishwala’s teachings by indulging in vulgarity against the Prophet of Islam, the muslims and Pakistanis and anything and everything about muslims at every opportunity, often wishing they would just die. Of the other candidates, Banneditem has confessed to being under the influence of Judaism and Manto was last seen in the garb of Ismailies. Kulharee (T)

Sikhs - This was the easiest case. Of the three known sikhs on chowk, Sheru has already apologized (in writing!) to hindoos for 1984. Kaura's sikhi is under clouds because of his alleged relationship with Mullah Afghani. This leaves Delhiwala, the true khalsa, the true proud sikh who has never given an inch to hindoos, never opened a thread about hindoos, never given a fuk about hindoos, and who is always at the forefront of talking up sikhs at every opportunity. Delhiwala (T)

Hindoos - There were several candidates. Jang was eliminated because as an achoot his utility is really just cleaning up after uper castes. Stuka and Chalta talk themselves as the tall, big, white, meat eating and happening hindoos. But frankly, we dont know such hindoos. We have never come across them in our lives. The kind of hindoo that we DO know is Ranjit. He is cheap, he is chutia, he is eewwwwwly disgusting, he is hindoo to the core. He is the kind of hindoo we came to know while going to universities in school. You can picture this wobbly headed meek hindoo with a red smear between his eyebrows walking around in dress pants and chappal. Like a typical hindoo, he is "brave" in the sense that he threatens pakis about taking over Lahore, using Sikhs help. Ranjit (T)

Muslims - This was a tough choice. Too many candidates with flowing beards and jihadi aspirations. But the person who edges out amongst this crowd is Reza bhai. He is a true representative of the up and coming, affluent and brash young muslims. He is fashionable, he is successful, he is witty, he goes on halal dates, he lives in NYC. He has often confided his anguish over not being a better muslim than he already is. Despite being a highly successful wall streeter in US, he has never forgotten his roots in the heartland of Pakistan, Sialkot. Reza bhai (T)