Permanent Bruise

Several years Ago:

It was a balmy summer evening.He had faced a setback.He was frustrated and disgruntled and angry at everything and everyone.He talked and she listened.

He drove to the beach.He got out and stood staring at the sea.She sat inside the car unsure of what to do.Finally, she got out and stood shoulder to shoulder and both stared at the sea and the sun setting.Both looked at the waves thrashing the rocks and the white sand being washed by the lazy waves.She leaned on to him .No words were spoken.

After an eternal moment, they got inside the car.He closed his eyes.She sat staring at his tired and worried face.She could trace the outlines of tensions with her finger tips if she wanted to.She reached out to touch his cheek.He opened his eyes and searched her soul.She tried to do the same.She traced her finger tips down to his heart and tried to seep in the pain into her self.


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The Present:

She has today faced yet another setback.the past one month has brought nothing but setbacks ranging from emotional to financial to physical ones.And today she faced yet another setback.She s tumbled once more.People tried to give her words of sympathy nd encouragement.but everything seemed meaningless to her.How would they ever know what she feels?Had they faced the same hurdles?The same feeling of disappointment and dejection?No! they had not.Were they all not smiling?Everyone but her wore a faake smile.She told everyone she was allright.She stepped out of the room.She didn’t know where to go.She was fighting back tears she did not want to cry anymore.

She rushed towards the prayer room.She would find some peace there.She was dismayed to find some council meeting being held there.Has God deserted her too, she foolishly thought! No! That can’t be.He is in my heart nd in my soul.But Allah, she so wanted to be alone right now.

she found herself in the library.She sat in a cubicle and started to read her new brief.She has to be strong , she reminded herself over and over again.It isn’t over yet.She can prove herself tommorrow.And then the tears started to fall..

drop by drop on the brief...

She found herself walking into the lecture hall.The tutor was highlighting the mistakes and the flaws.She thought she couldn;t take it anymore.She should just get up and leave.But, she couldn’t.She didn’t want to create a scene.She didn’t want people to think she was disturbed or weak.She kept telling herself to be strong and kept drinking in tears.

And then the long , cold walk home...

she cooked, cleaned and washed to tire her body so much that she inevitably collapsed on the bed and slept. And amongst it all,she found herself crumpled like a useless piece of paper thrown in the waste paper basket on the floor.She lay whimpering like a wounded dog for she couldn’t take the pain and didn’t want to cry.

She reached out for him.But he was not there.He had abandoned her too.She had no one to turn to.No one who could understand.No one who could hold her and just let her cry withhout saying a word or repeating meaningless lectures.

He was not there to touch her heart and seep the pain.

She lost everything she ever wanted...

She tasted failure yet again...

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