Muslims in Infidelistan: A Ready Reckoner

your article has hurt my religious/regional/other sentiments, but along the way, I laughed so much, have forgotten just what it was that offended me. Congrats and thanks for a good read. More power to your pen.

Salim bhai,

You ought to be hung for lampooning Indians/Pakis/Muslas- the only punishment is to lampoon others as well.

One more suggestion for Muslims arriving at Immigration- start scrawling a few cartoons.

Regards

Salim.

A superb piece of an article.
Let me see what more I have to add.

For one, on the subject of sneezing, you forgot to mention how useful, when you sneeze in God`less` America, instead of the boringly familiar `Atchooo`, which you have been brain-washed into as a child, it is, to say `God (b)less America`. You ll soon know if it back-fired when someone asks `Which God?`

In Godfull India, though, `God` is too general a term, and hence a useful strategy is to be more specific. Gone are those days when you could try the less controversial `God bless Modi`. These days even that can provoke suspicious Indians into asking : `What about Modi`? and before you know it `Theres nothing wrong in Gujarat` and the next thing you know : `Are you a commie?`. For those who dont know what a `commie` has to do with any of this, please understand that what the average right wing Indian hates more than the god-fearing-next-in-line-in-the-casteist-hierarchy is the god-non-fearing-Chini.

And never mind which side of the Atlantic you are in, it is a well known and useful tip to make yourself seen participating in protests. Just make doubly sure of which protest you are participating in. It becomes obvious to anyone who matters, of your `religiou-neutralilty`when you are protesting against the protests against cartoons.

In the post 9/11 world, there is a far greater awareness of the fact that certain segments of Muslim populations everywhere protect and perhaps nurture radical elements. The careful attitude of airport immigration officials simply reflects that fact. Focusing on Muslim entrants at airports is little different than city police trying to nab criminals by using descriptive information such as race-related information. (It is highly inaccurate to say that ANYBODY confuses Sikhs with Muslims - especially those trained immigration agents - you seem to downgrade their intelligence a lot - like you seem to do for most people around here!)

I doubt that there are Muslims ``nervously pondering`` out there on how to behave - certainly not the ones who are the focus of such increased vigilance. There is no reason to behave differently on the part of law-abiding Muslims. Perhaps all that SOME Muslims need to learn is how not to ``misbehave`` (legally speaking). And no, this situation does not result from the ``crime`` of being a Muslim - it is from the acts that certain Muslims have committed while a vast population simply looked the other way or tried to obfuscate via various means - perhaps including individuals like yourself!

The stereotypical Muslim caricatured by you does not exist in real life, of course. The whole attempt seems to be to make it appear so ridiculous that NOBODY (on either side of this ``divide``) will get upset - the ``racists`` will laugh thinking there is some merit to such caricature and the ``races`` will laugh thinking it is too ridiculous to take seriously. This is your ``safe`` way! You appear to care a LOT for your own safety than for making any positive difference to anything. You successfully distract attention from the cause of the problem as well as from the effect of very substantial hardship that may result for a few individuals - both are legitimate problems. In such acts of deliberate distraction lies an element of dishonesty.

Your style seems to emulate Hamidm in some respects - except you do not seem to have his strength of convictions - therefore are unlikely to make any significant impact (and you simply appear to lack the ability that individuals like him have to laugh at oneself). You have a certain God-given ability to contribute humor. But you tend to end up laughing at people a lot more than with them. That makes this ability a useless and in some instances, a destructive ability.

As I have stated on another board - a few Muslims have the tendency to obfuscate by using humor as crutches - perhaps you are one of them - too chicken to face the problem - and too talkative to ponder over some of your own contributing acts (sometimes knowingly, but mostly by becoming unable to think of yourself as anything other than being a Muslim first and foremost)! And unfortunately, your writing does not move away from the ``us`` versus ``them`` mindset.

(Also, your tendency to use ``inside`` humor is very much intact - I doubt you have the ability to rise above it - and in my view, the editors` acceptance of that streak also displays a high degree of dishonesty - and reflects on them VERY poorly.)

You could use some honesty which can improve your writings substantially - unfortunately, in my opinion, you are not capable of it.

Overall, my distaste for the stuff you write here (and all over chowk) and my low estimation of pretty much everything about you remains unbudged. Your writing remains a reflection of your utterly individual personality. I see little value in any of that.

BJkumar...

Hur jaga- I have a distaste for the abuse you spewed against the editor...


Salim keep up the good work man. You are good.

Hi Slim:

Whassup?

This was just too good. What should one do, if in Texas?

We must learn how to say awl bidness (oil business), bob wore (barb wire) and fixing to (planning to).

Boy!
I had a good laugh!
Dont care if this is directed aginst anybody!
Shows there is still a chance for the muslims world if they can ``all`` enjoy this lampooning !
Salimbhai, i have read your other serious posts elsewhere, and i had thought...``well! here is one progressive muslim after all! ``...
Now i have to add ``humorous`` to that.
Keep the flow of humor unabated...
so what`s next?
Jayen

Salim bhai,

ROTFLMAO!! This was totally awesome!! :-)

How about a reverse list when the goras travel to desiland/afghanistan/middle-east?

The author writes <<< If 83.6% of the bad guys happen to be Muslim, then those in fear of having their torsos blown to bits will be looking out for those who fit the obvious profile. It is up to thoughtful Muslims to thwart the selfish designs of these nervous kaffir cowards. >>>

Rather 83.6% of the bad guys the media decides to cover and hype happen to have Muslim names and portray caricatures of Muslim stereotypes that the West has historically cultivated. One prejudiced stereotype (many of which are reproduced verbatim as being genuine by this author in his article) leading to stereotypical profiling is not at all justified, and any attempts to justify it be it the justification offered by Bill O`Reilly or Ann Coulter or this author are little more than Intellectual Bull S**t.

Let us review the numbers here for the sake of clarification, the FBI estimates that around 19,000 Americans are murdered every year, not by Middle Eastern terrorists but by fellow Americans. The alcohol and tobacco companies by selling highly addictive and harmful products collectively kill over 400,000 Americans a year, year in and year out. Amidst all they hypes and the alarmism, how many Americans were killed in America by middle eastern terrorists post 9/11? The last laugh is on you Mr. Chauhan and your dispicable attempt to poke fun at people, most of whom are performing a grand miracle by surviving day to day in a world where misery and poverty are forced upon them.

Salim
WoW. Wonderful. You proved yourself, The writer on FP. This is what I have been expecting for an intelligent interactor like yourself. Keep up the good work.

I will be back to give my critical analysis , latter.

In a word, reassure people (hopefully with sincerity in your heart) that you are one of them, or at least, you are like them. Do not be a self-professed outsider who is out to rub in the point of being different from everybody else.

Across the globe and through the ages, this has been the one and only principle of amity and friendship between groups. Hard to believe how people blatantly, deliberately violate this principle and expect to be trusted and treated with respect.

Good job, bro salim.

Well written and amusing.

Salim, [ red faced, anger wala icon] stop laughing at sardars, though I havent stopped laughing since I read the piece.
You missed Australia. While in Aussieland say `Aussie Aussie Aussie, oye oye oye,` at immigration. start abusing the English and Americans loudly and say Austraaylia is the best country in the world, conceal all your achars, masalas and namkeens in a surfboard . spend the weekend getting dead drunk. make sure your mouth stinks [ i could not get a tounge cleaner anywhere ] and say ` no worries ` to all problems.
On a serious note, a sardar was beaten badly in sydney, he was mistaken for a muslim.

Also, be bare footed, with 3-4 barefooted kids trailing and a fat wife shouting at the kids, and most important of all dont look too intelligent , appear dumb.

Salim Sahib:

You joined the special rank of isolated Hamidm to bring humor at Chowk. On FP, you should become the columnist for humor column.

Anil Kapuria

Salim Bhai..........thumbs up to you...........if you could break those pieces of wit into longer paragraphs or articles it would be even more wonderful.......