Taking the Lid off Sexual Fantasies

Urstruly:

You have one very enthusiastic spectator-fan sitting in the bleachers.

Raudaki, the father of farsi poetry, composed the rubai which had the line`` gingerly, gingerly, all the marbles went into the pit``

P.S: Ghar tUk pohnchaa kar anaa hai.;)

P.S.S: ``mujhh ko bhee poochtay raho, toa kyaa gunaah ho``

Re: # 78 Dr. Sahib

I am a secular person too; but perhaps I put rationality ahead of my individuality. Let me elaborate this point: If I know that fire burns and hurts and all the physical, practical and rational evidence attest to that then I would rather not put my hand in the fire. This is my individuality as well as rationality. Now if I see someone else puting his hand in fire, should I stop him? Both individuality and rationality fail to answer this question. The only thing that can answer this question would be `humanity` (in me). It took human beings thousands of years to evolve the concepts of humanity from the time the stopped swinging on the trees. So why revert back.

As you suggested in one of your posts below, psychiatry is not a hard science like math or physics; au contrair it is more subjective; as subjective as a human mind can be. So at text book level it makes sense to keep psychiatry as objective as possible, but for practical purposes `soft` concepts like humanity, honesty, mutual respect etc. cannot be done away with. In other words psychology is sterile unless there is a healthy dose of ideology is injected into it from time to time. Your thoughts??

Re: # 77

Dear Urstruly...I am glad that we are engaging in intellectually stimulating dialogue. I thnik

fantasy is intentional and conscious as compared to dream that in unintentional and

unconscious as it happens in sleep. Fantasy is more like an intentional daydreams.

You touched on personal and social morality and ethics. When i read Bahishti Zaiver it

reflected the morality or a religious culture where sex is sin. I am a secular person. I

believe every person has the right to choose his sexual fantasies and behaviour that

he/she finds meaningful and healthy. sincerely sohail

Dr. sahib, Question:


Sometime ago when I was reading Beheshti Zewar I read the opinion of a scholar on the issue of fantasies- sexual fantasies in particular. He opined on a question asked by a young enquirer, that it is a futile and counterproductive effort to suppress ones fantasies. He further suggested that in order to have `pure thoughts`, it is always best to remain busy physically as well as mentally to ward off ``impure thoughts``. But he further warned that at certain age when hormones rage, most of the thought process is out of control. So he suggested a recipe in the form of a couplet:

Dil main khiyal ka aana bura
ya dil main khiyal ka laana bura.

He elaborated that when a person consciencously conjures up a fantasy then it is not a fantasy, it is an intention. It is a universal truth that intention is the precusor of any action. So if a person fantasises about his neigbor`s wife, his action or move towards her is only pending as long as an opportunity presents itself. Therefore, the process of sexual fantasies should be discouraged and not encouraged because by encouraging it we are establishing the base for a premiscous society, where concepts like honor, mutual respect, and honesty are just the facade.

This makes logical sense, because in a society where sexual fantasies are encouraged there is a greater chance that people will act out on their fantasies rather than suppress them. This is evident, as we make comparison between existing societies where sexual promiscuity is rampant and where it is not.

Your opinion??? fantasy vs. intentions???

Re: # 73
Dear Zeena...I think we have more agreements than disagreements. Disagreements are

semantic. I fully agree with you that homosexuality is part of human condition and exists

for a long time. What I was trying to suggest was that DSM classification reflectyed the

social and cultural ethics. Homosexuality was not socially accepted in society so it was part

of classification but when there was moral and political pressure it was removed. Psychiatric

diagnosis is not like medical diagnosis...diabetes...bronchopheumonia....it is far more

vulnerable to social and political pressures of the profession as well as society. But that is

another topic for some other time.

I also agree with you that sexual identity is more than just sex. In my book about Gay and

Lesbian people in Urdu...Har Daur Main Masloob....(presented on my website

www.drsohail.com...urdu section) I have discussed....Genetic Sex...Anatomical Sex...

Sexual Identity...Sexual Orientation...Sexual Bahaviour

to highlight the sexual development.

In this article I was just focusing on the behaviour that is socially accepted and the fantasy

that reflects the personal thoughts...social / emotional behaviour of a person and the

differences. Thank you for your detailed comments. I did not want to get into academic

and psychiatric discussions.

sincerely sohail

Re: # 74

Zeena,

I did not know you were a psychologist, psychiatrist or even a therapist...


Dr. Sohail,

Can you shed some light on the kind of men who try to embarrass or shame women for their sexuality or sexual agency? What can be done on a community level to help them be less insecure?

37 by Saminasha on April 18, 2006 8:20am PT
Re: # 27

{{zeena, when did you get gaydar? (scolding ikaan)..}}.

Saminasha sahiba jii

It was absolutely not based on gaydar. Poor guy came up with a problem , I gave him my solution based on his history and symptoms. I cleared up the confusion based on my knowledge and it`s implication on daily basis.

Thank you

#31 Dr.Sohail

Let me make this confusion more clear for you step by step.

#1:-You stated,{{{{for me, human suffering is more important than what diagnosis a person gets.}}

You are doctor? Yes, you are. What is the job of a doctor? Job of the doctor is to do patient`s diagnostic work up and then come up with the DIAGNOSIS for the suffering patients and then make a treatment plan for the disease of the patients to end up the sufferings of the patients.

If you do not care about DIAGNOSIS of the patient and if DIAGNOSIS is not IMPORTANT for you then why are you DOCTOR and why will patients come visit you ? They visit a doctor to get relief for their diseases. Am I right, Dr.? If, I am wrong then I APOLOGIZE.

Conclusion:-DIAGNOSIS is the most important step to cure the disease process. To implement treatment. Confirmed( reference Zeena)

2:- You said,{{Diagnosis changes with different classifications.}}

No, I do not agree with your statement, again you carelessly used your vocabularly.

Diagnosis does not change with different classifications . With more research and with latest editions of medical versatility , Diagnosis remains the SAME , but more or additional medical information with improvement for the treatment plans of the diseases come up to improve the quality of treatment.

Lets take the example of your subject, Psychiatry. DSM(Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) and ICD (International classification of Diseases) are the set criteria for the DIAGNOSIS of all MENTAL DISORDERS. They are the foundations for the psychiatry.

They never will change. Yes, they always get REVISED WITH more useful addition or deletion of the prior criteria. They remain the same but, they come up with DSM-I,II, III, IV (revised), ICD-1-10(revised).

You are contradicting your profession, your speciality and also your medical ethics(if you will consider diagnosis as not significant then it is against medical ethics) Sorry, Dr.Sohail.


3:- You said,{{Homosexuality was considered a mental illness in 1960s , but was accepted normal in 1990s.}}}

Dr. Sohail Sir Jii

With all due respect, May I ask a personal question,`` Did you up date your knowledge about psychiatry before submitting your article on chowk or you submitted this article JUST LIKE THAT???

For your kind information, Homosexuality is as ANCIENT as this UNIVERSE is. Homosexuality has got nothing to do with YOUR CULTURE, system of values, religions, beliefs, customs and rituals or taboos, regions, countries, nationalities, castes, race, poor, rich, educated, uneducated, gender, beautiful, ugly blah, blah, blah.................

It exists everywhere and it existed everywhere and it will exist everywhere. Period.

It was always accepted even in ancient Greeks and Romans. It was even accepted when first prophet , Adam existed. It got accepted when there was No such thing as PSYCHIATRY.

Even then let me give you exact information :-Homosexuality got official recognition in 1948 by Dr.C. Kinsey. Then 1973 , it got acceptance as being removed from DSM and ICD(Those ICD and DCM were just mubo jumbo of some confused ill informed minds with NO knowledge of Psychiatry at all) and funny thing is they thought they are AUTHORITY.

Homosexuality is considered as a normal expression of human sexuality , just like bi-sexuality, a-sexuality and heterosexuality.

Remember,``The presence of homosexuality does not appear to be a matter of choice; the expression it is a matter of choice.``

Thank you for your response.
Sincerely
Zeena

Dear writer

I wsih to clarify more my point of view about your article..........................

I couldn`t post more before b/c I was extremely busy. Sorry about that.

1:-What I meant sexuality is your sexual identity. It is not about having sex and fantasy.

2:-Your article created confusion by describing sexuality as having sex and as having sexual fantasies.

3:-You can have sexual fantasies. It clearly means that you can fantasise having sex with anyone by using your imaginary lines. But again it does not diagnose or confirm your sexuality. Fantasy is absolutely not the base of sexual identity.

4:-Having sex is to involve with other being physically for sexual needs.

5:- Having a specific sexual identity (sexuality) is to identify your self with anyone of the sexuality groups(hetero/home/bi/A-sexual) through your hormonal, anatomical, physiological, physical,mental, neurological, chemical, psychiatrical, spiritual, and emotional needs, which are unique for every individual belonging to either of the above mentioned groups and which you don`t choose, which you don`t acquire, which you don`t select. Your sexual identity is the one you are born with. So, you don`t need fantasies to identify your sexual identity.

6:-Sometimes sexuality (sexual identity) gets transformed or overlap or undergo evolutionary changes

---

which is another big area to research.

7:-When I gave examples of fantasy in sick population of people, called Psych Patients , thats what I meant that fantasy is multidimensional. Fantasy can have hundreds of forms and kinds. But, based on fantasy we can not give your diagnosis of sexuality.



I hope you are clear what I meant when I said sexuality is different than having fantasy. Author mixed up all this. I made it clear that sexuality is not having sex. It is your sexual identity. And, b/c writer made the fantasy as the total basis for his diagnostic criteria for sexuality or sexual identity, that is exactly where I hit the nail to hit it right.

You are in love with someone is exactly not the same as having sex with someone. Well, intimacy is the part of being in love but, it is not the basis of being in love. thank you.

Re: # 67
No, Khams-he is just new to chowk! He will learn, as did we all.

Doctor Sahib, Please read this and then answer my query at the end. Thanks

Call center workers in India are having nervous breakdowns after being abused by fed-up Australians – but they aren`t getting much sympathy.

Half a million people are employed in India`s fast-growing call-center industry, famous for maddening calls at dinner time in Australia.

For some of the workers, abuse and overnight working hours are contributing to stress, sleeping disorders, fatigue, and migraines.

A survey of Mumbai call centers found most call-center workers suffer from burn-out stress syndrome.

The abuse included racial taunts, the Global South Research Group survey found.

``Racial abuse by foreign customers is a job hazard that most employees have to deal with,`` a report on the survey says.

``The US and Australia are the worst abusers,`` said Vino Shetty, from his Young Professionals Collective office in Mumbai.

``Australian accents – especially in working-class areas – are very difficult to understand.

``The Australians then get frustrated because they are not being understood and when they realize the call is from India their anger gets worse.

``They can feel that jobs are being taken away from Australians and if they recently have been out of a job themselves, the abuse escalates,`` he said.

But Queensland Consumers` Association spokeswoman Cherie Dalley said Australians were reacting to phone calls because they were at ``ridiculous`` times.

``Australians are tired of having their privacy interrupted by people trying to sell them things they didn`t want in the first place,`` she said.

James Organ, director of Australian research organisation Callcentres.net, said ``lots of poor innocent Indian workers`` were abused regularly by Australians.

``Some companies are regretting outsourcing this business to India because of the damage it does to their products` reputation,`` he said.

``Its a cultural thing – the moment an Australian suspects the call is coming from India they can get uptight.

Mr Organ`s group estimates Indian call centers account for 50 million calls to Australian homes each year – one fifth of the total telemarketing calls made. ``Everyone has a story of how they were called by someone in Mumbai,`` he said.``


How should the call center employees handle comments like this?

``Sometimes I can smell the curry from through the phoneline.``

``I always get back at them for calling during dinner by saying my God has more arms than their God and is a better shade of blue.``

````Mary`` was quite helpful last week and it only took an hour to answer one question.``

``I always wondered what the weather was like in Bangalore.``
It`s hot. The air is permeated with the combined smell of curry, animal dung, gasoline fumes and burning garbage. There is no escape from the cacophony of honking horns, fighting dogs and the noise generated by competing religious sects blasting overdriven music at all hours of the day.``

And now the question:
Do the call center workers fantasize about gori girls after the abuse?

I have a suggestion...Dr Sohail seems the prime candidate to anchor chowk`s first ``What you wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask`` agony column, a sort of roosting place of the subcontinental youth`s psycho-sexual angst. The kind where 26-year old virgins write in asking: My penis is bent slightly to the left. I have been masturbating twice a day since I was 11. Will I go to hell for my sins and is my penis crooked because of this?

Could be fun...what say?

Re: # 38

Killing me with kindness are you? Oh well...

doctor saheb...
... writing an article for chowk and responding to each query proves: either your business is in bad shape or no one listens to your ghazals anymore...;)

Dr. S,

Since the late 90s there has been an explosion of internet porn and most of the consumers are men. Have your patients talked about the effects of porn at all on their fantasies and realities?

Re: # 62

rolling on the floor laughing=rotfl

(really meant for Dilli Sahib)