The Dark Side of Love

Re: # 32

Dear Zeena...thank you for clarification. Now I have a better understanding about your

background and your passion. If you would like to know my views about schizophrenia

you can go to my website www.drsohail.com, then go to Mental Health Section and you will

find my book on Schizophrenia. For chowk readers I have been writing a few articles of

general interest about human relationships and psychology. I am sure interactions with you

and others will inspire me to write more. Sorry if I offended you. I try my best to be

respectful even when I disagree as I believe we all have the democratic right to be wrong.

After all we are all human and we are learning from each other and growing personally

and philosophically. Thanks for your meaningful fedback.

sincerely sohail

Dear Khalid

As before, you article is an excellent read. An honest desire of helping people with problems is obvious. Keep up the good work. I am sure that many readers are being educated even if they do not interact with you.

Just wondered, what you think of;

i. love

ii. monogamy

iii. your desire to help others

Loving regards
AikThought

Sorry for typo in post # 32

I stopped studying psychiatry. (stopped is missing). Thanks

Sorry for typo in post # 32

I stopped studying psychiatry. (stopped is missing). Thanks

RE:-#22

Dear Dr. Sohail sahib jii

Awwww, you misunderstood me. God, I didn`t mean to offend you. If I did , please forgive me. I apologize to you for any kind of offence that I caused.

Actually, I did my training in Psychiatry and did research in the past. I wanted to be a world famous psychiatrist. Dr. Mubashar was my mentor and even now, he is.

Then, all of a sudden I studying psychiatry, stopped my training and said bye bye to Dr.Mubashar (There was a big personal reason for that).

And then I never got back again. Since you started very interesting topics about psychiatry, I got my lost interest back in psychiatry and tried to discuss with you my own research..................I did not mean to prove anything to you....

I just got lilttle excited and started acting like I am in a Psych class with Dr.Mubashar( I always used to giv ehim very tough time). He used to love me for that. I always used to challenge his mind with tough questions and my research.......

Anyway, When I use difficult psych terminology, it is not meant for others. It is meant for your intellectual level. I hope you will understand .

I love your articles. Please, continue with different topics.

PS:- My suggestion for you for next topic is...Write something on Schizophrenia... I will prepare my research and will discuss with you...
Oh, Boy, that will be a fun..............
Sincerely
Zeena

The topic is interesting, but I do not know if it is necessarily the dark side. Even if it is, then there is an opposite to each and every thing in life. I am reminded of a saying that when you truly love someone, then you should set them free.

Re: # 29

dear ixno

physical control

emotional control

thought control

dark...darker...darkest...side of love

all can be part of jealousy....as well as sado-masochistic relationships and can get worse

when lovers start living with each other

sincerely sohail

thought control was the dark side of love - and it does not always stem from jealousy

Re: # 27

DEAR aslam 644... i fully agree with you there

jo barh kar thaam lay meena usi ka hay

sincerely sohail

#20 by drsohail on May 19, 2006 5:53am PT
sohail sahab i was just pointing out the winners and losers, darwinian shakeout is nasty whether it`s in biology, business or marriage market.

Drsohail

It could be that in jealousy, the dominant emotion is that of uncertainty-induced fear and foreboding of losing a valued possession, but in the type of triangular situation the woman was in, the dominant emotions are a deep sense of betrayal and personal insult - of being judged less than someone else in a social comparative sense, of being cast aside as worthless.

Here is a hypothesis you could test in your research. In situations of triangular love, emotions will be much more raw and response more likely to be violent when the three individuals were/are acquainted with one another outside of their love-relationship.

One would guess that in the latter situation betrayal and insult would become significantly operative/ controlling emotions.

Take it just as a thought...you know the literature.

Re: # 24

Dear kaalchakra....a thorn can cause a bleeding finger while a `prickly` love can cause a

bleeding heart. The third party can just be a triggering mechanism but in jealousy that

triggering factor can be penalized, persecuted even killed for no fault of his/her own.

Most innocent people do not like it except a few French lovers who claim in their novels that

they would love to be killed by `jealous husbands`. When I meet a woman who finds out

that her best female friend is romantically involved with her husband, I am curious who she

is more angry with ....her friend...or husband...who she thinks betrayed her more? any

thoughts?

sincerely sohail

In relational terms, Dr. Sahib, why not look at it this way....jealousy is not a triangular feeling at all. The third person is immaterial. He/she could be a dog or a pig for all a lover cares, hence no more than a contextual factor, a triggering mechanism, impacting the relationship between two individuals.

Is a rose with no thorns really a rose? I have never seen one such.

Re: # 21

Dear Zeena....you are a very knowledgable and well read person. I read your comments

with great interest and learn a few things from them. I am silent when I do not have any

thing valuable to add. I have learnt the value of a genuine dialogue from philosophers but

also learnt the value of silence from mystics. In my articles I share my humble opinion

based on my personal, social and professional experiences. Readers are intelligent people.

They are free to accept or reject. It is not easy to write for a mixed gathering, some

readers might be psychologists and psychiatrists while others bankers and accountants. I

do not like using psychiatric terminology unless I am presenting in a mental health

conference. Thanks for your continued interest in my articles. I am sure your comments

benefit other readers. Let me be fully honest. I am not an expert on any subject.

My education and experience helps me in helping people who suffer emotionally and I feel

fortunate that I can be part of their life struggles and help them a little bit. Canada

has socialized medicine so patients do not have to pay from their pocket or from Insurance

Companies . The treatment of their physical and emotional problems is covered by the

Government. I am sure when you would be in a loving relationship you would be writing

love poems and not be jealous...smiles... all the best

sincerely sohail

Dear Dr.Sohail

Hi
How you doing.....
You did not answer my Post # 8 and also you did not give me your phone number.

What is it You do not like my research on jealousy?

Again, can you please elaborate your article about jealousy syndrome?

And, also, can you please give me a good piece of advice on how to control my jealousy when seeing luvy duvy couples? Honestly, I am sick and tired of my jealousy.

I think I need your help, doctor.

Sincerely
Zeena