A Failed Romance

2nd para, 6th line.... ``kind of emptiness that can seep through out inner most...``it should be ...`` kind of emptiness that can seep through *our* inner most ...``...sorry for the typo and if there are more...am sorry once again.
Thanks epiphany for your kind words:)

Sounds as though Baz Luhrmann had directed the story of Beethoven. The story is so neo-cosmopolitan in texture. I find it crisp and sort of edgy; For a while I could almost empathize with Mustafa as Hilal began to walk toward the door.

Also, I liked the way the author described Mustafa:

``He had the arrogance of a Greek God, decency of a nobleman,, conformity of a bourgeois and the resoluteness of a rebel. ``

Peace!

Ohh My Wordzz.... while reading this short story all through, i felt as if I was reading a chapter ov my own biography.... though my wounds were heal pretty soon : )

We all have failed rommances and the Unforgetible moments of (one sided) love.

really sorry to hurt ur feelings (if i do) but that was very typical Hafsa...dont u think wht da youth needs these days is a sense of practicality and not puppy-luv dreams?
think abt it...

The very common rookie error of thinking that people want to read ``good writing``.(Trying to write well is a bad form of writing.)For people who read prose,the most important thing is the story, of which there is none here.Appreciating the quality of the prose(which is not good anyway) is secondary.

Nice story. However, Mustafa`s emotional state sounds like someone who is struck by a puppy love. Only Tragedy is you can`t love people who don`t want to be love by you. It is a loose loose situation for the sentimental fool like Mustafa throwing his sagaciousness out the door. Poor Lad was seduced and abandoned by a girl who knows her game all too well. She played him like a Stradivarius (oh I love you too, but it is the kind of love that disappears when you leave the room) or (I love you, but just in love with you). What a Maroon. In the end he got what he deserved.

Regards :)

Re: # 16
Surprisingly that`s what i wrote originally,``colorful as a rainbow and restless as a butterfly``, i think it`s a typo or may be i submitted not the final draft.
Thank you anyways for your comments:) Unfortunately, this story does have some reality attached to it, and as far as Kahlil Gibran goes, he is great.
Regards, Hafsa.

``For him, she was beautiful like a spring sunshine, mystical as a winter moonlight, frivolous as a child’s giggle, restless as a butterfly and colorful as a butterfly``... (``restless and colorful as a butterfly or restless as a butterfly and colorful as a rainbow`` may b more poetic n effective) thats how i could tamper with this story...
a story of every other person who s living with feelings in this society of ours where there r predetermined laws for eveything even for (as Arundhati Roy says in god of small things) `who to love, how to love n how much to love`...the story successfully depicts the true feelings n situations n draws my attention towats the lines of Khalil gibran ``love knows not its depth untill the hour of seperation``...WELL DONE!

Well Mustafa seems to be stealing all the limelight..lol... what do u guys think about Hilal?

Thanks everyone.
HAVE A GREAT DAY:)

Re: # 6
yes, a violent Mustafa wouldn`t be that *unique*.
Regards, Hafsa:)

Re: # 7
Oh i like that...uniquely unique:)
Thanks.
Regards, Hafsa.

Re: # 4
Thank you Zahra:)

Re: # 5
yes Mustafa is unique but i just wanted to describe the protagonist in some really beautiful words.
Thanks for your kind words:)
Regards, Hafsa

Re: # 2
Thank you for coming up with such interesting points.
Regards, Hafsa:)