Just a Woman

So let me get this straight...somebody ``greeted you with strange familiarity and boldness``...why be coy? What exactly did he say?

``I asked for a clarification from him, and he went on to make generally trivial chit-chat about his friend giving me a call later.``

Errrr.....he asked out on a date (on behalf of his friend)? THAT`S what got you in such a tizzy?

And pardon me if I read it wrong, but your Bond-girl antics resulted in the wrong person (the guy who`s part in the ``crime`` was restricted to ``laughing about it and didn’t tell his friend to take a break``) being ass-whopped, whatever that is, and subjected to ``kicking, shoving and slaps`` while his friend, the one you had the problem with, was blissfully unaware of all this.

It seems to me that at the end of it all, YOU were the one who came out the better for it- not only did you get your apology (proxy hee sahee) but you had the entire might of the parking lot security force standing behind you in your quest for justice. Though- pardon this simple soul- the alleged crime is still not clear in my feeble mind.

Next time you attempt to appeal to chowk`s righteous indignation and garner a few smpathy votes for yourself, can you please ease off on the Jinnah quotes, the pop psychology/social commentary (``chauvinists thrive on women’s passivity`` and my favourite, ``mother-whore dichotomy``), the attempts at humour, etc? Just tell the story in all its detail and allow us to make up our own minds about how badly you were treated.

And yes, those fat books you see with ``Oxford``, ``Webster`` etc. written across them in the bookstore/ Those are called DICTIONARIES. Get one, willya.

Witness for the Prosecution

“Darling, you are making a racket on that keyboard.”

“Don’t you talk to me! I am so mad I could break it.”

“What happened?”

“I was walking up the stairs from the parking lot, late for my board meeting,…”

“And…”

“I was shoving my car keys in that darn ancient purse – because you were too cheap to buy the nice one we saw at Islamabad Macy’s the other day!”

“I just asked you to wait till Saturday, when it would have gone on sale! So what happened?”

“Well, these two men who appeared to be hugging each other were coming down.”

“And…”

“And the ugly guy with glasses greeted me with strange familiarity and boldness.”

“What EXACTLY did he say?!”

“I can not utter THAT! The kids may overhear us!”

“That bad?!”

“Look, I am used to the whistling, the smirks, the humming of latest Bollywood songs…”

“Of course, you are! I mean of course, you are – tough!”

“…or even a religious proclamation of how great God is! This sort of thing, however has me stop and take notice.”

“Of course!”

“I asked him for clarification, and he went on to make generally trivial chit-chat about his friend giving me a call later.”

“The nerve of the creep! Let me sue him!”

“You think I have the rest of eternity available for court justice? With YOU as my lawyer?!”

“But you can not let this thing just slide! Chauvinists thrive on women’s passivity.”

“Look, I have learned to give in to my indignity and forgo the fight too often. These creeps are too quick and so opportunistic and they hide so well under the folds of a society that is so, so, so…”

“So what?”

“So sickly South Asian!”

“Like us?!”

“Everyday is a battle! This partially segregated society – in which a woman has no identity – either she is a mother or she is a whore!”

“But you always said – it’s nothing! It’s not worth the fight!”

“I did. But the truth is – it’s very bloody and it wounds me each time and it leaves its mark every time it happens!”

“I am sorry!”

“So I fought back. I called for two guards directing traffic. The morons did not budge because they didn’t have orders!”

“Incredible!”

“The guys fled, but I went to give those pedestal guards a piece of my mind.”

“You did?!”

“I hated it! I could hear myself becoming a whiny, powerless, nagging woman. But what else could I do?”

“Not much!”

“I hated it – because I cherish the image of a strong woman and here I was trying to gather men – old men, young men, men with family values, men who believe women need protection and those who just wanted to watch a show from the other side – to catch the “honor-less” folk. As if I were an ablaa naari of Hindustan! A damsel in distress!”

“Did they catch them?”

“Like James Bond! They caught one. I proceeded to talk to him and he became a local Punjabi Sultan Rahi…”

“Meaning…”

“He was almost beating his baboon chest, mouth foaming action and all. He asked me who the hell I was to tell him anything, that I should shut up and know my place.”

“The nerve!”

“I told him to talk in English after he learned the language, and that I was now going to make him regret what he just did.”

“You didn’t slap him, or something!”

“Thanks to his daring proximity the thought did come to mind, but….”

“But…”

“I was scared of him. Scared by his nerve in front of a crowd of armed guards! I didn’t want to test which gender has the greater knack for violence, man or woman.”

“Did anyone help you?”

“Mr. Pathan, the chief security guard. He arrived on the scene with his 3 inch by 6 inch mustache folded towards the edges in a circle loop. He beat the crap out of the guy all the way to the second floor – to the colonel’s office.”

“What did the colonel say?”

“He said it is hard for these guys to differentiate between the “type” of women they see!”

“Why are you looking at me like that?!!”

“It was like he was saying – you, lady, are a married woman, with kids, I know your boss, your husband and so via the men associated with you, you deserve respect and I’ll punish these men accordingly.”

“Forget that – OUCH! So, did he punish him?”

“Already the guy was a lamb, apologizing profusely after he heard the word “jail”. I asked him what he was sorry for, and it was quiet clear he was sorry about landing in the crap that he found himself in, not for the harm caused to me.”

“What did the other men do?”

“Men, after all have to protect other men! They were saying – it was harmless, understandably a misjudgment that should not get him in so much trouble. One can get into trouble for theft, murder and burglary but hey, this was only a woman!”

“They said that?!”

“Not in words – but they said it sure enough! As if it is more natural for a woman to clean shoes than it is for a man! That it is in women’s nature, the cooking, cleaning and the menial tasks of child rearing, the huge ones that need emotional strength of an elephant, business intelligence of a working woman and spiritual stability and nurturing forgiveness! All this time, no one asked us what WE want to do.”

“What did you do?”

“I told him – Colonel Saab, I want him and his friend to know, that sometimes you can pick on the wrong woman, a pissed off one! Can you do that please?”

“What did he say?”

“He placed his cigar on the ashtray and sighed.”

“Darn!”

“It got me SO mad – all I could think of was to get home and start banging this keyboard!”

“Glad it’s the keyboard you hit and not me! But darling, you know life is tough! However, we can handle it!”

“You don’t say! What do you think I was doing if not being tough – going to that office all by myself – while you were too busy defending Pakistan from Indians on that darn web site!”

“Darling, we sometimes have to make sacrifices – the women more than the men! No nation can rise to the height of glory unless the women are side by side with the men.”

“Don’t use those lines on me! I know how to take care of me. Now go cook me some food!”

“Relax darling, it was probably nothing personal! The guy was just a pathan…”

“And…”

“And you are just a woman….OUCH!!”

“Dafa ho jao yahan se, raxas kaminay!”

“Can I at least proof-read your write-up for typos…. OUCH!! OUCH!! OUCH!”

Re: # 23

This is fucking awesome. BJ, you are usually a shitty writer but this one is pure gold.

Re: # 23

bj,

....... that was really funny ! ......... enjoyed it (as always)...... please feel free to post all the homoerotic pictures you want - you have redeemed yourself (again) !

Readers,

Don`t bother to read the original article where you will need to decipher all the cliches and ungrammatical English and all. Just read post #23 for the actual episode narrated by Aisha Sarwari ji.


# 23, bjkumar Saheb,

Are you a script writer or something? You can expect some Bollywood producer come knocking at your door any time. Nice!

Samar

Re: # 23

BJ man...you rock...

I have been a fan of your follow-up articles since you wrote ``Ya Allah Tera Shukar hay`` ...about a year ago...

This one is equally good...if not better...

I really enjoyed it.

Cheers
Ahmad Hayat

Re: # 23

LOL. Dear BJ, I have been incredibly rude to you in the past for various reasons but this one deserves a bow. Or two. Please take them.

Burpy

#13 by AlephNull on May 29, 2007 4:23pm PT

oh lay off already...what`s she going to do with good grammar and half-decent composition anyway once the ninja chix take over?

I don`t know why readers here are judging the piece on the basis of a few grammatical errors...this is a great article. It brings out a woman`s perspective effectively as she denounces the actions of sick, frustrated, insecure men in a closed society like ours.

I like the satirical tone of the piece...the ability to invoke laughter while pointing out serious flaws in a system/culture is an accomplishment not easy to achieve in writing.

A well written piece - an enjoyable thought-provoking read, Aisha. :)

Aisha, did the guy try a “Savile Row-suited gigolo kind of charm” on you?

You are young and attractive, my aunt who is like 80-year old was walking home from Bazaar and guy in his 20s offered to give her a ride (when she told me this, I congratulated her on her good looks)… we, my friend, are a society with pent up sexual frustrations. When there is segregation of sexes at a young and impressionable age, it is no wonder that we produce morons like that guy. There are tons more where he came from.

The problem with a majority of the stories and articles here, is that though the ideas are grand in theory, the implementation suffers. There is no method to the writing - it`s almost as if you`re focusing too much on all that you want to talk about, and less on how you`re saying it. So in effect, you`re not doing enough to reel in the reader`s attention and the mind wanders. At least, mine did.

Also, your tenses varied - stick to either the present or the past - yours were all over the place. And that`s just one of the many, many grammatical errors that plagues this piece.

Hmm...later.

is ass-whopping a euphemism for dancing peshawar style or does the author mean ``ass-whupping``?

Can some writer here please take this drivel and turn it into something readable?

Vaisey, congratulations to chowk for publishing an 8th grade essay.

``(He thinks I am Syed), he broke into a fit of ass-whopping of the lad, where he asserted who exactly ``
How one knows without oneself calling one ..is it written on the forhead?

#11kaura

segregation/purdah leads to all kinds of deviant and perverse behaviors: this misbehavior of women is one.

That is like saying joto dosh nando ghosh ...tranlation ALL the faults of the world is due to Ghosh

There is no eveteasing in Saudi Arabia or even in afghanistan

``Understanding full well that chauvinists thrive on women’s passivity, I learned to give in to my indignity and forgo the fight of telling random men off.``
I did not understand this line.Can you explain please, aisha?