Worlds Apart

I apologize I was in a rush and did not have time to elaborate. When next I peruse a story by you, I will keep in mind your request.

Re: # 47

Thanks for the comments...would've been nice if you'd enlightened me about the grammatical errors too.

Barring the grammatical errors, this was well written. Good to know all Bradford girls are not hellbent on divorce in the first year. I know many American-born girls who have been married at an early age to men "back home"; it has worked out for some, not for other, but for many who stuck it out, it has been worth it. They now are "gracefully aging" just like Ranya with their own large broods populating the earth everywhere.

Stroke of luck Ahsan chose to move to a less oppressive environment early on. But for that circumstance, the marriage would likely have pewtered out eventually. But realistically this story applies to many couples who decide to "stick it out". Not uncommon.

Re: # 45

Sometimes, thunder shatters the air too close to us and the dark gaping holes of uncertainty and despair begin to sparingly widen. Sometimes, through time, interjects a moment, this moment, where existence latches on to a slanting ledge. When, then, one hears the squeal of one`s fingernails one realizes that death is just a happening, but the real gist of life is the quest for the avoidance of pain.

May be in theory one can assume, at that instant, for a mind to in inverse polarity counter itself. One can, in theory, profess that phenomena like cognizance, reason, justice, and perhaps devotion hold, then, the same meaning they do when one`s soul is not ablaze.

Monet painted the woman with an umbrella, but could she have seen how she looked in that frame? We can do whatever we want to do in theory, we can create universes out of feeble pebbles of sand, or give life to primordial sentinels of eternity.

Raniya, in making her decision to stay with Ahsan, must have asked herself `why` she wanted to leave him while asking herself `why` she wanted to stay. The answer, her answer, lay interlaced somewhere between a scream, a gasp, damnation, hope, love. (How much time it ought to, for someone in her state of mind, take to chart a map out of oblivion and start to walk it?)

You wrote your story, my friend, but, oh, how I wonder, and desire to know, what the lady with the umbrella is feeling right now.

Re: # 43
Thank you for your comments.

If Raniya had chosen not to stay and give Ahsan a chance at that particular moment, she would`ve been the poorer for it, but not to blame nonetheless.

Ahsan was a loving husband, as were the parents-in-law. They belonged to another world, and that was the whole point/problem. Their reference points were different form Raniya`s. What seemed suffocating to Raniya was acceptable to the rest. It was only when she expressed her frustration that Ahsan was able to see her point of view - there`s value in communication! He loved her enough to want to change things in order to make her happy, and not dismiss her cries for mere hysterics. She had no reason to doubt his word - for she hadn`t asked for anything before then, and been disappointed - and it would not have been against logic to give him a chance to `make it up to her` as he promised.

Re: # 41, #42

I agree that the probability of finding eternal bliss under such circumstances is less, yet this being a short story based on true events gives ample evidence that unexpected things do happen.

You`re right in asserting that men in a male-dominated patriarchial society do tend to abuse their power over women. Yet, no one is all good or bad. All women are also not sweet-innocents! There are many sensible and caring men around who treat women as equals in terms of dignity and human rights. Let`s celebrate such men in this story, hmmm?

The issue of forced marriages is a serious one and under much criticism from all quarters. Change is not easy to accept. Many parents who have raised children abroad tend to feel insecure, wanting to preserve their own culture and pass it on to the next generation. Hence, they settle for even mis-matched proposals of marriage from their own relatives.Things are changing, but it`s a slow process...maturity.

The absence of choice that you`ve mentioned is indeed conspicuous...and that was my point! The marriage was not the children`s choice, but that is as far as it goes. Choosing to give up everything, and then wanting to give it her best shot was Raniya`s choice; to try and make it up to her, was Ahsan`s choice. Both of them made a conscious decision/effort to save their marriage, and succeeded. You see, it takes two to make a quarrel, and two to settle one too!!!

Hope your queries have been effectively addressed...thanks for your comments - I appreciate your interest.

My thoughts sprang to the moment in the story, after reading the whole piece, when Raniya struggles to break free from her life in Pakistan. At that moment, at that very moment, what if nothing said or done had been sufficient to change her mind? If she had decided to leave Ahsan and go back to England, and did, would she be at fault? I wonder what really made her change her mind about giving it another try. Seems to me that she defied her (and of human) sense of reason and normalcy when she decided to give her life with Ahsan another try, and that too in a short few moments. But why?

#41 bjkumar

Okay, I went overboard in #41 - in the heat of the moment.

Not all men are creeps, of course. (What do I know - I am just another man!)

However, this writing represents a certain amount of wishful thinking.

Rigid societies do not usually bend themselves to the needs of individuals.

People can learn to adjust to anything, I suppose.

See Tehera, it is not important if the main characters reach their destination, their desired state of Utopia and all the rest. It is the element of CHOICE which is conspicuous by its absence.

Good read (as said earlier) however, and all the best for your future pieces!

#Write-up

Desi Cinderella-e-Pakistan meets REAL life Pakistan and starts ruing – but lucks out and gets a hubby who REALLY understands and takes care of HER needs – so that she can start building her own life around him and start repeating the brain-washing-cycle which can then produce the NEXT generation of desi Cinderella-e-Pakistans! A bit too long, otherwise readable and interesting. Pakistani society is so male dominated and men are SUCH creeps! (Shudder!) The whole society stinks but numbskulls who fancy themselves as the parents are the real culprits – not just for marrying THIS character off like cattle – but even more so for brainwashing her so that she would ACCEPT such crappy fate like cattle!

Re: # 19

Thanks for your appreciation.

I`m glad you enjoyed the piece and were able to grasp the underlying theme. In all relationships, ultimately - for any arrangement to succeed - both parties have to `want` to make it work. :)

Re: # 25

Thanks for your appreciation. I`m glad you enjoyed reading it. :)

Re: # 21
Thank you for your comments.

Interesting, indeed, why you were disappointed to learn it is not entirely a fantasy! Things do turn out for the better even in real life depending upon mutual commitment.

This story is a fictional piece of writing `based` on true events ...which does not mean it is a word for word account at all. Perhaps I have not been very successful in my story-telling, to make you feel it would`ve been better as just a figment of my imagination? :)

Re: # 35

Are you saying that having seen the stable, happy marriages of several family members who continually negotiate issues of money, immigration, religious interpretation, child rearing, career choices, and extended familial expectations disqualifies me to comment on the authencity of this piece with regards to marriage, you kaka, have clearly been partaking of too much bhang with your bollywood diet.

And god knows what training you have had in reading fiction...feel free to let us know about your degrees, your published work and the composition and literature courses you design and teach.

hamzaad:
aren`t you going a li`l overboard with your extrapolations on other interactor`s lives, relationships etc? that`s pretty low. i can see you playing devil`s advocate on issue say `X` but #35 is completely uncalled for.

Re: # 32

There you have it then, neembu! A counter to this article which is so bollywoodish etc. Don`t you want a TRUE representative sample rather than a deluge of bad endings selected just because they are bad endings? And that right there is the diagnosis of your psychosis. You have been unable to learn lessons from bollywoodish endings because, one, you don`t have the proper training to approach these subjects; second, you have become too emotionally involved with the worst of these stories too close to home.

A symptom of this psychosis is that you want to shoot down any happy ending, however true or frequent it might be.

Re: # 33

Dear neembu,

I was actually glad of his comment, because it gave me an opportunity to expand.

I just find it incredible and horrific that some parents (usually the father), do not have any love for their children.
How else can you explain some of the `arranged` marriages and `honour killings?

How can a father, do this???????:-

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/6722699.stm

I hope the bastards get deported from UK, after they come out of prison.

Re: # 29


Please...why should anyone have to justify their critique of treacle to someone who can`t even spell ``sceptisism`` (sic)``?

Re: # 26

Kaka,

Aha...so thats what this is about...and you and your ilk have the nerve to call me bitter, given the stereotypical behavior of many desi men.

How is this for an anecdote? The females of a spouse who batters his wife exist on a steady diet of Bollywood movies. Would you care to grapple with that, or are you just going to shoot your mouth off?

Re: # 30

Mr. Salim_Chauhan/ others

I recall reading quite a few posts regarding ``bread and wine``. This subject seems to pop-up without any need, as far as I can see. Asian Fixation? :)

Could someone write a detailed, exciting, porn story, all about this subject... So that we could get it out of our system?

Writing such a story can`t be against this forums rules, since we can just `spring it out of nowhere` anyway.

Or is it better to mention it in all posts, because it`s a bit like `flashing in public``? The shock value? It titilates more?

And there was me thinking I had to keep quiet about MY fixation! :)

#28, Naqshabandi, {``what mr. chauhan is saying is he is another drinker from the furry cup. ``}

Naqsh,

``A loaf of bread, a jug of wine ...``} :)

#24 by tolkinin on June 11, 2007 5:05am PT

``on the other hand you might be the hopelessly pessimist who only sees the glass half empty ....there is silver lining to all life``

Arey yaar, Of course there is a silver lining to all life.
The author says it`s a true story. I`m very happy to hear that; and for the couple concerned.
My very best wishes to them.
I know many more, very happy, real life, instances. Some not so good.
The pendulum of nature`s balance, swings.

Now,

I`m sure you didn`t need my crappy comments, even half in jest. But...

Just imagine you are a 16 year old girl from Bradford, reading this story.
What are your `real` chances of going to Pakistan; marrying a educated, enlightened, understanding, loving person... Whose sole aim (and his families), is NOT to use this marriage as a means to get into UK?

A glass half full or half empty, is 50% (in case you didn`t know) ;p
Under those circumstances It`s always better to see the positive.
In fact if I saw it full 25%, I`d still be optimistic.
10% and under... I do get pessimistic. Is that wrong of me?

Now in percentage terms, please tell me...
Out of all the marriages between British nationals and Pakistani`s..

How many marriages ended up with the couple staying in Pakistan?
50% ?... I don`t think so!
Less than 1% ?... Yep!

Once the 99% are in UK, they get shocked when they find that life here is only good if you work very hard for it. Most of them end up working in shops, restaurants or drive taxi`s. (Bottom of the ladder jobs).
They hardly have any friends, because most of the population speaks in english.
The ones that they can communicate with, are too busy to do so, and have nothing in common with them.
As if that wasn`t bad enough, they have the extra huge burden of saving money, to send it to their poor relatives in Pakistan.
And building a new Bangla in Pakistan is compulsary, even if there is no one to live in it.
Spending £50,000+ and then renting it out to someone at £5 a week, isn`t very logical...
but it allows them to look at their poorer relatives and shout...
``Hey! Look at me now!``

Then there is the costly, all family, 3 yearly, visits to pakistan.

What I`m saying isn`t just clutched from air. I`ve met MANY `mangaithir party, wallas`.
Most of them seem to huff and puff with regret.

``My time in Pakistan, lounging about, each and every day, were the best. sigh``
``My wife and I contantly fight over me sending money to my parents``
``Only 3 months to go, before I get full residence. Then I can leave her``.
``Errr... Yaar ... How do you get a gori? Can you spare me a gori, as well?``

I could go on; But you`ll get bored. ;p

@ TaheraSajid,

I`m sure there will be many other heart warming stories, which go against the odds.
With you saying it`s a true story, it has won me over. We need more.
Please write more. I would do it if I had the ability.

Best Regards.

what mr. chauhan is saying is he is another drinker from the furry cup.

#18, Lemon,
Well, let`s say that I have been involved. :)

Also, I am not known as a cunning linguist merely for my knowledge of Punjaibi. :)

Re: # 22

`a piece that offered us very little in self examination, revelation`

neembu,

Wasn`t there any exercise of self examination for you? Wasn`t it revelatory?*

As for `conflict`, wasn`t the last line poignant (note the italics) trivializing all the `stretched out` conflict earlier on? Does that hurt you sweetie?

*As much as you might see the ending as encouraging spouses to stay in difficult marriages, the author is merely relating a true story. If you won`t even admit empirical anecdote on grounds that it counters you emotional and intuitive stereotype about desi men, then you shouldn`t be advising battered spouses..

Very nice piece of Word,
Thought provoking,
Above all a reality,
Glad to see such situation in Pakistan,
Really enjoyed, each and every line,

Best of Luck for future

Regards

#16Kamran

``Just Jesting. Don`t let my miserable thoughts taint your world. ;p``

on the other hand you might be the hopelessly pessimist who only sees the glass half empty ....there is silver lining to all life
dont paint all with your single brush with your genralisation

#11 by neembu on June 10, 2007 1:16pm PT
Re: # 10

Tolkinin,

Are you married?
[Reply to interact #11]
............................................

I am a VERY happy married man are you?
does not seem you r with all your baggage of sceptisism

Re: # 20

I`m afraid that labelling readers with expectations of literary device as ``cynical`` is not acceptable. Its very nice that this is based on a true story, its very nice that such a story exists. My questions are why should we have engaged with a piece that offered us very little in self examination, revelation, fresh use of language, conflict all of which are conventions of literature?

I agree with Naqshbandi, too ``slushy.`` However, while reading it I did not know it was a true story. But interestingly I was dissapointed that it was, because I`d rather enjoy it as a good piece of fiction writing.

Thanks to all those who took out the time to read and comment on the story with criticism and appreciation.

About this piece:

Contrary to popular concensus within this forum so far, this is a true story...and no, not the author`s own life. Sometimes , truth is stranger than fiction and harder to believe. It might appear to be all that you feel: `slushy`, `pink and fluffy`, `fantasy`, M&B/Bollywood happiness`, `does not reflect naunce and interiority of marriage` - well, welcome to life from a different, less cynical angle!

The details of the children`s growing up seemed irrelevant to the theme, and might have dragged the story on unnecessarily; hence the element of `fast forward` introduced in the end. Also, there can be many versions - or `senarios` - of the same story. However, this piece is about the choices the actual characters made. So be it.

Thanks again.

To me this is a story about the power of perseverance. Not to sound like a fortune cookie, but sometimes there is value in just carrying on, and to have faith that things will turn out alright.

Re: # 14

so, you are admitting that you have performed fellatio?

Re: # 16

How about turning it down a notch?

Scenario Two:

Ahsan can`t ignore the constant innuendo and barbs made by rellies expecting joras galore in addition to the stuff they pinch from Raniya. Raniya continues to not engage with the catfights of her female rellies and that gets interpreted as an admission of guilt. Ahsan wishes Raniya wasnt so unhappy and starts to imply that a pukka Pakistani girl would not complain so much and since she doesnt work, why doesnt she get off his back and start having babies already? Raniya receives phone calls from her father who continues to tell her, ``hang in there, pumpkin!``. Raniya and Ahsan learn what each others` ``argument buttons`` are and spend about five years pushing them while Ahsan`s fam tells them that Raniya has forrun misage.

Raniya has one baby and another and by some unspoken agreement, they dont really talk to each other, because they are both too stressed out.

After all of THAT, does legitimate love grow.

Nice fantasy. Thank you. I mean it. Warmed my heart. Nice change from reality.

In real life, the husband would give up his job; Obtain a visa to come to England; Find it hard to get a job as a `surgeon` (Are there surgeons in Pakistan? I could not even find a `real` dentist); Work as a taxi driver; Divorce his now demanding and pregnant, fat wife; Re-marry a drunk white-girl that he picks up as a fare; Have 2 kids; Get divorced by his second wife on the grounds of physical abuse; At the age of 40, attend the local mosques, and start preaching morals to everyone who will listen.

The lady Raniya, may try a few Joshs, Kumars and Leroys, and even a Samantha, before settling down, eventually, as a single parent. :D

Just Jesting. Don`t let my miserable thoughts taint your world. ;p

Probably the authors own life story. I was expecting her to go back to Josh.

#13, {``Do tell us about how this ``nectar`` tastes-you must be a gourmand. :)
``}

Oh biiter is thy fruit, lemon.

The topic is about you not having tasted happiness. I have sampled many a delicious nectar in life and I must say that I hope your burger flipper has not lost his sense due to all that tartar sauce, ketchup, and mustard exposure.

Re: # 12

Do tell us about how this ``nectar`` tastes-you must be a gourmand. :)

#8 tolkinin {``Nembu has never tasted happiness so she cant believe such things happen ``}

Tolkinin,
Obviously, many of my readers have never paid any attention to the sincere advice I offered to women regarding the benefits of fellatio.

Re: # 10

Tolkinin,

Are you married?

#2 by neembu on June 10, 2007 6:00am PT
Nice fantasy anyway!
[Reply to interact #2]

Life does not work like that.

---

May be your interaction is from limited experience

Re: # 8

I find this response directed at my comments ajeeb...esp. considering several interactors have pointed similar observations...kindly comment about the work and not about the personal lives of the interactor, thanks.

Nembu has never tasted happiness so she cant believe such things happen in most unlikely places that she either forgot to look
or passed up on
or never knew existed

Re: # 6

neembu,

Why are you unhappy with other people`s Bollywood happiness?

Re: # 5

kaka,

I don`t consider Mills and Boons/Bollywood happiness authentic happiness...sue me.

Re: # 4

neembu,

why are you so unhappy with other people`s happiness?

Re: # 3

I don`t doubt that Pakistani men and husbands who are attentuated to their marriages exist-they do. However, in addition to your observations, this piece does not reflect the nuance and real interiority of marriage. Fast forward to three wonderful children later? Life does not work like that.

You need to factcheck if you are going to reference cultures/places you have not been. (`social services sector`...ouch!). Bit pink and fluffy for my liking. Also, I suspect, as far from reality as it gets. But nicely written and observed.

Nice fantasy anyway!

Good story. I thought it was going to end up as a `East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet` horror stories of forced marriages...but it didn`t! Also a bit too slushy for my liking but well written!