A Karachi Summer

ok, so what was THE POINT?

the great editors of chowk never published anything i wrote, and i write with great coherence, but this early morning olpers and langanese ad gets published. Shit!!!!

great buddy.
ur article is close to reality...i liked it alot keep it up

Re: # 18
Thank you. I am working on the piece for ALR

Re: # 12
Never meant it that way.

Re: # 17
You`re absoultely right about the part were the article meanders from the topic. I agree it was uneditted. It was just written and sent.

Well done, Anum!
Waiting for your submission to ALR...

Anum, the fact that you are a talented writer and have great potential was indeed evident in your piece. But you really could have done with some editing. The article seemed to meander at times, which broke the reader`s focus on your thoughts. Your attention to minor details is truly commendable, but there were also few cliches which could have been avoided. All in all, you`ve undoubtedly shown great promise as a writer, and I look forward to reading more of your articles in future. So, Best of Luck!
Regards.

Amateur not armature...though with a story like this, that would not be inappropriate...heheheheh

``It is 6:36am; Karachi morning, and being a regular Fajar prayer person; which is to be said before the break of dawn, I am up so early unlike several Karachiites.``

Karachi summer: 6:36am is almost midday.
The whole thing is so phony. I cant read this any further....

There is a tendency among some armatures to add misery meter to the stories. This story is one good example of that. Fake, phony and non sense written all over it....

``You just wish to listen to the pacifying tone of such voices to combat the Karachi summers.``

How do you combat summers by listening to pacifying tones? Some cheering up would help. Pacifying tones add to the misery.

Anum, I find your style very original, the imagery masterful and honesty endearing.

If a novice like myself may offer a piece of advice...

Writing is an art form. It needs to be nurtured with tender loving care and polished with practice. Learning is a lifelong process.

Take reader feedback seriously, but don`t take it to heart. Gather the gems thrown your way - some kind and some harsh; some insightful and some superficial - but follow your own heart. Ultimately you are the best judge of your work. It is your creation. Own it. Be proud.

Hope to read more from you. :)

Re: # 11

http://www.chowk.com/show_interactor_page.cgi?membername=neembu

Since the author has taken exception to criticism, I must revise my initial opinion which was unrealistic and harsh.Having read the piece a couple of times,it`s hidden meanings and social statements unravel in a Kafkaesque mould. I further confirm that this is one of the finest pieces ever seen on Chowk. We have a winner among us, the new Booker prize winner from Pakistan- Anum Ali.

a good piece from a talented writer. yes at times the lack of life experience seems evident but why should that stop anyone from writing? how else will she gain that experience? i find the honesty with which anum examines the alienation she feels from most of her peers a plus point, here she is unwittingly (or otherwise) putting the craft to its primary use which imho is to ``explain herself to herself``.

i wish you luck anum :) welcome to chowk, and keep writing.

``The very first rule anyone who thinks she/he is a writer follows if indeed she/he is truly a writer is the ability to see his/her work with detachment.`` followed by a para suggesting feedback is a `gift` and the REAL writer will be able to see whether its legitimate or the bastard child of bottomfeeders.

i find this patronizing. how on earth did writers survive, thrive and develop before editors or `creative writing proffesors`? were there no real writers? what is a real writer? what is a fake writer? who decides?

Re: # 8

Writer,

The very first rule anyone who thinks she/he is a writer follows if indeed she/he is truly a writer is the ability to see his/her work with detachment. This means that she/he is willing to listen to feedback re: the devices and mechanics of her/his work and actually check to see if that feedback is legitimate. When you write, ``I meant the piece to sound like that`` , that is a cop out, the non acknowledgement that work can be legitimately use some revision. This is a deadly mistake of ego and insecurity. There are people on these threads who will write only nice things-and while that is nice and encouraging, the people you need to really pay attention to are the ones who ask questions or point out issues within the text that need some cleaning up. These people have taken the time to look at your work, try to understand it within its components and its organic whole. Consider it a gift and try not to be ungrateful it-they have expended time and effort responding. Your responsibility, if you are seriously interested in improving your writing is to apply these criticisms and see if they are relevant- using your text as evidence. I don`t think that you are doing that here and so I`ll refrain from commenting in the future.

Good luck!

Re: # 6

Anum-

Ah...well if it was meant to have an elitist satirical bend to it, that brings a different message. But frankly, I did look for that satire, and did not find it.

As I said, the prose holds promise. And if the satire could have been a bit more focused, it would be a good piece.

Keep on writing.

-thinking

Re: # 1
Good to know this was an engaging read. It was meant to drag and have the dreamy feel to it. Glancing out from my window locked within my world, it was meant to be like that. Thanks.

Re: # 2
Thanks a million for the great comment on my writing. I like the constructive criticism but yours was a great motivator comment because I am a struggling writer trying to get stable with writing. I could always use some motivation. Thank you.

Re: # 3
Oh yes, I was being very pointing towards people and being very arrogant but that in intentional. I am giving an elitist view of a summer day something seen from a very lacking life experience point of view. But I don`t own the security guards or the Pajero like I received a critical comment. I appreciate the comments and thank you for pointing out the mistakes.

Re: # 4
Thank you for your comment on the article. It was supposed to attract controversy and I feel accomplished having done that. But I agree that the title is misdone it shouldn`t be A Karachi Summer, it should be A Karachi Summer from My 4 Elite Walls. I am new to Chowk, can you help on how to change a title for an article?

I expected a bit more about Karachi summer from this piece, instead i found a lot about the writer, which is: the author is one of those fortunate ones who lives on the right side of the town with huge gates and even bigger generators that jump to life as and when KESC starts playing it`s sadistic games with the poorer section of the society. I am also told that the writer is a regular namazaee compared with the rest of her peers who are more into decadent western culture. She is also concerned about her servants who have to work like the akhbar wala to feed their extended family.The arrogance of the writer comes out into the open despite her attempts to hide it under cliches. She is not only a religious person but looks down on those who aren`t. I am surprised that she omitted to mention the 24/7 presence of the Security persons with guns protecting people like her from the ordinary chor-uchakkas, in the mansions, in the huge Pajeros and other 4-wheel drive motors.

Karachi summer for me is the evening breeze coming in from the sea side and cooling all Karachites- those with generators or without, living in Federal B area or Clifton. And the cool nights, late night dinner parties,hustle and bustle of Bohri Bazar, PIDC paan after a heavy dinner at Burns Road for the common man or the Maxim`s, Village or Bar-b-q tonite for the privileged lot. Swimming at Hawk`s Bay, riding on the camels and horses on the beach front. All of which would be filled with people of all social status trying to beat the heat and generally enjoying themselves.

There is promise in the prose. But the arrogance and hubris of the author detracts from any meaningful interaction with the piece.

We get it that the author prays while the ignorant masses are asleep. We get it that others are so ``hi`` and ``bye`` while our culture oriented author is all Salam. We get it that our protaganist is ``pro-modesty``.

Since the article is full of pointed opinions about others, let me offer a pointed opinion of my own (also unwarranted btw). The author is currently confused with the complexity of life, the social injustices abound, and where the author stands. I feel there is a lack of life experience, and things seem quite a bit ``black or white`` to the author.

But the heart seems to be at the right place. Given some life experience, the hubris may dissipate, and we may have a better article to read.

Regards
thinking

{``You just wish to listen to the pacifying tone of such voices to combat the Karachi summers. Despite the painful blur created by the mixing of noises and images; the scooter engine of the Akhbaar wala, the thud of the newspaper on the garage floor, the chirping of birds, the servant bell, the political speeches and the gunshots, the horns and honks on city streets, the yells and screams of the agitated citizens, there is a sweetness in such voices. There is a message: ‘Life is one big show that must go on’ – a sweetness sweeter than that Langnese honey. ``}

Anum,
You are a terrific writer and have a unique style of making your words jump out of your narrative. Believe it or not, in the above paragraph, you have artfully captured the sounds that torment all desis in their diaspora. Keep writing. :)

some sharp, satirical observations for which i am grateful, considering whats been on fp for the last week. this piece needs editing-a couple of belabored metaphors (i.e
``...Expectant, I search for signs of rain because the monsoon season hits late July. I look for the typical plump clouds which may break the silence and the rain may decide to show up earlier than expected like the many fresh grad students who would line up for interviews in different firms today, eager to get jobs...``: a line that needs to move more cleanly and much faster).

Which brings me to the overly genteel, stilted language of this piece. Whether it is or is not intentional, the flow of this prose drags. The writer needs to revise for sentences that sit in the middle of paragraphs like mini whirlpools. I don`t know if this is a stylistic or ESL issue.

And yet, it was an interesting, engaging read.