The Greatest Sin

damn man! what a great show! This is a good first draft - something to work on further. Right now, the story has a risky center(Man holding the gun) which because of the structure of the story has to be passive, you contrast that with the second character's hysteria ("the crowd") so there is inbuilt tension but the language is not holding up. But it's not on the edge. The choice as I see it is between:

1 taking the tension out of the story (man vs. the crowd)
2 maximize the contrast to absurdity.

Your narrator sounds like coming out of an Intezar Hussain's short-story, by the way.

PS: read that Arthur Miller's famous play: The Crucible ?

Thanks for the comments Raw_dust.

It is sort of a first draft and your suggestions will be helpful to make the story better...

I can't believe you pin-pointed my greatest inspiration in Urdu fiction, Intizar Hussain!
His writing is way beyond any contemporary urdu short story writer, a true grand-master of short fiction! What novels of his have you read? Which would you recommend?

I know very little of Intezaar Hussein's work. Read a few of his short-stories in some anthology. He used to have a weekly column in The News, I think(?).

In fact, there can be a hardcore Intezaar Hussein version of your short-story where a mad Horse (or Burraak depends on the kind of controversy quotient you want) is being attacked by a band of mutant monkeys. I am sure there can be found a direct mapping of Gunaah-e-Kabiras with the very peculiar simian proclivities. just sayin'.

Wah! Excellent writeup Faris. This is the kind of stuff that's far more powerful than trashy religio-political articles and those ensuing never ending discussions.

Don't stop writing!

nice!
something different.